Last night while talking to my dad, I referred to the baby I'm pregnant w/ as Vallie, which will be her name. It was my grandmothers name, my dads mom. When I used the name, my dad teared up a little and I feel bad. She passed away 17 years ago and I'm having a hard time trying to figure out if the tears were happy tears or sad tears. Should I bring it up to him?
2009-07-02T07:26:49Z
Thanks everyone. I think I'll ask him if he's okay w/ me using the name when the time is right (it's used again around him, for example). He's always known. I've said it since I was 15 years old (just never thought I'd actually ever have a girl). I think even though he knew, it just seemed more real now. Thanks again! And, yes, she was a wonderful woman. The best. That's where my dad gets it from. : )
Anonymous2009-07-02T07:09:27Z
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Sounds just like memory tears, combined with emotions from hearing the news of your choice of name. But in a good way - it's a gesture like no other. But by all means, have a conversation with him and ask, "Are you okay with that?" I guarantee he'll say he wouldn't change a thing.
You should most definitely speak with your dad about this. My guess is that the tears were a mixture of happy and sad, tears of memories. You could easily begin by asking him how he feels about his granddaughter being named after his mother. It may make him happy that you chose name her his mother's name, but it will be likely that every time he hears her name it will bring memories of his mom to him. Depending on the relationship he had with his mom this may be a good thing or a bad thing. Everyone grieves differently and for varying lengths of time. Some people, especially men, take a long time to go through the grief process, so hearing his mother's name possibly is causing him to deal with issues he hasn't yet dealt with despite the fact she passed away 17 years ago. Talk to your dad and get things out in the open before the baby arrives.
Those tears were happy tears. Since you are naming your baby after your grandmother she must have been an amazing woman. I think your dad is not only feeling emotional about his mother but overwhelmed with Joy that his daughter loved his mother, your Gramma enough to name her first daughter after her. I would ask him though. I'm sure he would be glad to tell you! Vallie is a beautiful name!
Ask. It's a very personal thing, and it may be something he's very happy about and just couldn't express at the moment because of the emotional weight of it, or it could be a really painful reminder.
My mother passed away when I was 2, and my father never really recovered from it. To this day - I'm 36 - he cannot deal with it when I bring her up, and I know that every time he looks at me, he sees her and it hurts. Unhealthy? Yes, but I understand it. I wanted to give one of my children her name, but I just couldn't do that to my dad, or to a kid who wouldn't have a clue why they were so resented by their grandfather. Grief and loyalty to the dead is different for everyone. I know my father will grieve for my mother until his dying breath; while some people "get over it" relatively soon.
Inked Mama ♥ Beautiful Disaster2009-07-02T07:17:14Z
I imagine they were bittersweet tears. I'm sure he won't have an issue with you naming your daughter after her, but it's natural for someone to shed a tear occasionally when reminded of their loved one, I imagine he welled up because he was wishing she was here to see her granddaughter and imagining how touched she'd be to know that you're naming her after her. Bring it up by all means, it's good to get things out into the open, and I'm of the opinion that you should never be afraid to mention a lost one no matter how much time has passed - it's through words and memories that people stay alive after their death, and I think your dad will know this.