Is it appropriate to ask your 20 year old son to delete off his facebook list a relative who is a total jerk?

Question

This particular relative has caused much heartache, divisive factions, hate and discontent over the span of 5 decades. It has always been a strained relationship because of her controlling ways, she is a narcissist with a mean streak, and she has absolutely no boundaries or respect for anyone. A relationship with her is guaranteed to bring divisions and grief.

I know I can't do anything about it but stay away from her so that she can no longer have access to hurt me and my family.

I am the Mom and I really would like to be able to talk with my son without this pscho no boundaries blow hard of a relative lurking around his site, leaving messages and stirring up more trouble and divisions.

My son is long distance and Face book is a great way to keep in touch because of the photo's. I just want peace in my life but there can be no peace with this particular person. She is a die hard controller who insists on getting her way with out respect to anyone. Every time she goes away, she shows up again like a boomerang/glue and won't stay gone. She constantly comes back to try to brow beat the family into submission to her. She lurks around and is very sneeky and underhanded. Fighting and contolling are her pasttimes and it is pure sport to her.

Would I be overstepping my boundaries by asking my son to Puhleeze delete her off of his account? Or should I just delete myself off of his account and explain to him that I can not enjoy communicating with him on face book anymore as long as she is on there stirring up trouble. I have tried to ignore her but she is a very wicked and controlling narcissist who acts even worse when people try to ignore her. Any ideas are greatly appreciated. Thank You

Terri J · Accepted Answer

Give your son a choice. Tell him that you just don't feel you can keep communicating with him on Facebook if she is included. Tell him that you are willing to delete your account if he doesn't want to delete her. Chances are he really doesn't care.

However, the way Facebook is interlinked, she can get access to your page, or to his, by linking in with someone to whom you or he are linked (depending upon your security settings). So don't assume this will end the situation.

Anonymous · Answer

No, if your son has any sense he should see what she is doing and act appropriately. It is his facebook so it is absolutely not appropriate to ask/expect him to delete her. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean you can't ask. You do have to think about how your son would react, and if he hasn't already taken the initiative you'd wonder why.

I don't think there was any need to write almost 3 full paragraphs detailing how nasty this woman is, whatever, it doesn't really matter. 
People (you) are allowed to cut off contact with whoever you want, no questions asked. If your son still has a relationship with her though.. nothing can or should be done.
The real question is why are you so obsessed with her? You have serious serious issues, it almost sounds like you are jealous of her somehow. And I am wondering why you cannot bear to see her name around facebook when she presumably has no access to your personal page. 
If you delete your account or cut off contact with your son (on Facebook) you are doing 2 things. Letting this woman you hate control you, and taking your anger over this woman out on your son. 
In short, you are causing all the problems yourself.
Just have a talk with your son. I don't know what you mean by 'acts worse' but if she is such a lunatic that you can't ignore her then simply get a restraining order. I find it really odd that she is so unbelievably bad and you are the only sole person who is noticing it or unable to deal with her.


If she is doing something wrong, stirring stuff up via facebook, why can't you just point it out to your son?

kate · Answer

You  can  always  ask  anything ,
But   as  an  adult ,  it  will  be  his  choice  of  what  to  do .

And  do  Not  be  surprised  if  he  is  not  as  hypersensitive  as  you .

After  all ,  it  is   YOU  getting  all  bent  out  of  shape  over  an  internet  site ,
Not   even   live  &  in  person  encounters .

Feel   free  to  expose  any   lies  that  may  be  perpetrating  but  so  far  your  language  just  suggests    You  might  be  the  diva .

good  luck

>

Anonymous · Answer

It really sounds like this relative of yours is not the nicest person on the block! But, my opinion is to just tell your son ASAP to delete that relative off of facebook. 

I mean, your number 1 priority is YOUR family, and ensuring their safety. If this relative of yours is causing so many problems then do what's best and delete them.

Anonymous · Answer

Your son is an adult. If this person is as bad as you say, it won't take him long to figure it out for himself.

Is it appropriate to ask your 20 year old son to delete off his facebook list a relative who is a total jerk?

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