Renewal of vows, formal or informal?

ok so let me give you a little back ground info on this question. my husband and i when we got married didn't get to have a big wedding, it was pretty quick and basically we got eloped because he was military and he was shipping out soon so we wanted to do it before he left.
while he was away thigs happened and we were seperated on the verge of divorce for a little over two years. within the last few months we have gotten back together and it's stronger than ever now. so we are super exited about our second chance and renewed points of view on one another. we were looking to get our vows renewed.

i figured that since we never had a real ceremony that maybe we could do it now? with the white dress and the whole she-bang. but, i'm not sure if this is proper. how is a renewal of vows supposed to be? because when i've seen them they're kind of informal, and there isn't much of a ceremony, like a full-blown wedding. how does this work?how would i go about this?

2010-12-09T21:48:28Z

Oh wow, we sure have A LOT of sadists around here, lol. It's funny the people who are correcting my grammar, didn't use proper grammar, or forgot to use proper punctuation themselves. ironic, isn't it? If your going to diss someone to make yourselves feel better, at least do me the favor of doing it properly. :)
yes, i'd have to agree with the majority of you here, informal is better, and warranted. The destination idea sounds nice, and maybe, more enjoyable.

2010-12-09T21:59:27Z

Blunt: What was the point of even commenting here? So you can inflict your scrooge-like demeanor on the world? You didn't help me in the least. If your depressed in your life, get therapy, don't take it out on the rest of us because you get some kind of sick enjoyment from pissing on peoples parades. Begone with your depressing shenanigans! I'm sorry for your type, really i am, condolences. (we've been together for 6 years, we were separated for 2, learn how to read.)

NinaPina2010-12-09T11:08:19Z

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First of all, you did have a "real ceremony" when you got married years ago. I find it most improper for people to try to have a "do over" wedding long after the fact with a white dress, etc. I would recommend having something informal instead with just family and close friends, perhaps with dinner at a fine restaurant. Whatever you do, do not plan another wedding. That would be tacky and ludicrous.

Messykatt2010-12-09T20:06:25Z

I never quite get why people want a wedding re-do. You just can't recapture that moment when you pledge your life to another, and a re-enactment of the "wedding" is just cheesy. That's why most people end up not doing it. Like they say, one wedding per husband.

But your situation sounds like the thing that prompts a vow renewal. These are normally on major anniversaries starting with 5. Would that be an option? You're correct that there's not much of a ceremony, and they're generally not huge events, but it doesn't have to be casual. You could set aside a room at a nice restaurant, for example. And then you'd read the new vows you've written, reflecting renewed commitment or however you'd word it, then you'd eat and celebrate.

Another option is to do this as a destination thing with just the two of you, or with immediate family.

But don't play a bride. You've been married for several years.

CDT2010-12-09T18:33:28Z

Personally...i'm not a fan of wedding "redos". I get if, you know...a parent is on their death bed and won't make it to the ceremony (whether it be because they're not stable enough to be moved or because they just won't live that long), sure...i would be okay with the bride and groom being married by the justice of the peace so the parent could be there and i would okay with attending their wedding for the guests.

But having a quickie wedding just because you're too impatient to wait until after he comes back and then having a whole redo wedding...i wouldn't go for it. I mean, you had a choice here...you chose the quickie wedding...chose to elope. That was your wedding.

If you want to have a semi-formal vow renewal...okay. But don't do the whole wedding thing again. Invite close friends and family (small ceremony) to see the renewal of your vows and then have a little celebration to let everyone connect again.

I get, after all of the hardships with almost divorcing, that you want to start anew...but when ou get down to it...you're still married and you've already had your wedding.

nova_queen_282010-12-09T18:33:13Z

Ultimately you can do what you want, but keep in mind that some people will see a "whole shebang" as a ridiculous wedding do-over.

For me, vow renewals can be formal occassions, but they wouldn't involve the big fluffy white dress, bridesmaids/groomsmen, or much of the fluff of a traditional wedding. You can certainly have a large guestlist of family & friends and have a ceremony in church or another setting to restate your vows similar to a regular wedding ceremony (my Aunt & Uncle did this on their 50th anniversary).

Anonymous2010-12-09T19:09:41Z

You did have a real ceremony when you got married. It is not appropriate to have a wedding redo as you are already married.

A vow renewal is fine, but it's not the same as a wedding.

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