Adult children of divorced parents?

Question

I need some major major help here...I am spiraling further into this dark empty hole. My parents have been married for 23 years, I'm 22, by brother (whose newly in jail for a year) is 19 and we have a 2 year old half sister. My sister was made, when my mom was with another man - while my parents were separated. My mom got with a loser jerk who signed away his parental rights and mom got back with my dad...dad said some hurtful things so now they are "seperated' again and have been since March of this year. SO mom went back to the same loser jerk and is having a little family with him now. She's super upset with my that I don't want him in my life right now...I don't want to go to dinner, have him over or hear his name...I'm so hurt and upset by my parents divorce and now with the holidays approaching everything is 100% different and so difficult. I asked my mom is she was coming to my house to spend Christmas eve with me so my little sister can wake up with my husband and I and have Christmas morning...she said "don't you think your sister should wake up with her dad on xmas?" That floored me, this is the 1st xmas in 22 years I've ever had to spend xmas with anyone other than my family, whose now completely split up. Every single thing I try to coordinate with her, she has to talk to her new boyfriend to see what they had planned. Like my feelings and plans come second to his. Like he's more important to her than me, her DAUGHTER. I feel like I can't even breathe these last few days, we fight ALL the time. It's like ever since he came back into her life...everything changed. My mom and sister used to live with me, I seen them every single day and boyfriend wasn't even in the picture. Now all of a sudden, my parents are split up...here he comes again??? Then ruins everything??? I just can't take this, I cannot deal with the stress and I have so many negative things going through my head it's scary. I wish everything would just end and be better..... any advice??

The Fat Man · Accepted Answer

Daddy drinks because you cry.....

Dragonsnatch · Answer

I'm really sorry for all this.  Hurts.

Your mother is just living selfishly at the moment, perhaps now that you and your brother are adults, she feels she has earned some mememe time.  I guess nobody told her you don't stop being a mother when your kids turn 18.

This might be the way it is from now on - I hope not.  But if so, just continue to do what YOU want - you are not obligated to let this loser jerk into YOUR life, and I wouldn't be shy about telling your mother that.  Don't give her any ultimatums, don't push her away, just make it clear - I am not interested in your new boyfriend, and I don't want him in my life.  Tell her you would love to spend some time with her (and perhaps your half sister), but you are too hurt about what has happened to just accept this new person as family.

And be ready - their break-up(s) is inevitable.  Just try not to tell her I told you so.

AMP · Answer

I can understand what you must be going through. My parents are divorced and have been since I was five. I didn't see much of my dad till recently and my mom has been through countless boyfriends and husbands. All I can say to you is worry about you!!! I spent too much of my time worrying for someone else. I know it's hard to see someone you love barley speak to you, i haven't spoken five words to my mom in the last month and we were really close. But just listen when your mom needs you and be there for her as best as you possible can, and if you don't want to associate with her boyfriend don't. My mom forced me to get along with her boyfriends and it was difficult and uncomfortable. Just because this is your moms friend it doesn't have to be your friend too. As for your mom, hopefully she will realize family comes first!! My mom always put her boyfriends and husbands first and I couldn't take it. But you will always be in her life this boyfriend might not and in the end that's who you will have. But just worry about you now, relax and have some fun in life, we only have one to live as for your mom in the long run she will realize you are the important one in her life, but it just takes time for that realization to come.

Anonymous · Answer

I do not come from divorced parents, but I do come from a terrible childhood, and as soon as I hit 18, I was gone to the Marine Corps, and I didn't look back. What I'm trying to say, is your 22, you should have your own life, do you have a wife and kids? Or a girlfriend?, spend your attention on them and live your own life and do your own thing.

Al B · Answer

If you can talk to your mother alone for a bit give her a link to this site for raising self esteem and help with relationships.  Since she was married for 23 years, her self esteem may have taken a major blow when they separated. The site may do your dad some good as well.

Anonymous · Answer

Its unfortunate. I believe what you have to understand is the lack of control you have in the situation. Being supportive of ALL involved and and love them. It's painful. I have been there. I JUST HOOKED UP WITH SWEET MILDRED.. MEET ME IN THE PLAYPEN

Adult children of divorced parents?

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