Attention: All adult children of divorce parents?

My parents were divorced when I was 17 - due to an affair that my father had & the inability of my parents to reconcile after that. At the time the divorce had a huge impact on me. My father didn't think girls should go to college so my mom worked an extra job & I worked almost full time while attending college full time. ( My father could have simply filled out financial aid forms - but he withheld all information so that was not an option. This was the beginning of a rift between him and me that lasted the rest of his life. He never forgave me for siding with my mom, for insisting on going to college - the judge made him carry me on health insurance & pay a little extra child support for 4 more years - not enough to really make a difference, especially since he rarely followed through & paid it.) My parents have both passed away a few years ago, each alone & lonely after a few more affairs that each had though never finding another live-in relationship. My father and I never got beyond a rather cold, distant relationship - I think he only saw his grandchildren a handful of times and then only for a few disinterested minutes at a time. My mother & I were good friends as adults & she was a loving grandmother to my three children for many years.

As a result, I had a very difficult time trusting men of any age for a long time. A boyfriend from high school (who I was very serious about) who had broken up with me returned after a tour of duty in Vietnam, really wanting a 2nd chance, really sorry for what he'd said back in high school. It was only a couple of years since the divorce and so I didn't feel I could trust him (or any male) to stay around, even though I really did still care for him a lot, so I sent him away - then crumpled to the floor in tears that lasted for months. This apparently had a long term effect on him too. After almost 37 years he has returned in my email to ask again why I hadn't given him a 2nd chance. In hindsight, I think we probably would have been very good together. But at least now I've had the chance to explain things to him & we remain email buddies, though we'll never see each other again.

About 5 years after my parents' divorce, I married a young man from a very stable family. So stable, in fact, that his parents did not want him to marry me because they feared my broken home might make me a bad risk for marriage. Our marriage (more than 35 years now) has been very tough at times - sometimes I didn't trust him, even when I had no real reason to feel that way - sometimes I felt he didn't love me enough or at all. I've often worried that he'd eventually leave me even though he's said he never will & has never really given me reason to think otherwise. Real feelings or feelings rooted in fears based on my experiences dealing with my parents divorce? I just can't be sure.

The one good thing the divorce did for me was to strengthen my determination not to do to myself or my own kids what my parents did that so affected me. So I have been married - for better or worse, mostly for better - for more than 35 years.

As for my children, I think my experience made me more concerned about their seeing a good marriage, knowing that two people can sustain a loving relationship for years. I think I've managed to do that, though at times it was very difficult. Maybe that was how I managed to stay married through the tough years - knowing that divorce would be even more difficult for the kids. As for the high school boyfriend, that I will always regret; even though I do love my husband, I'll always wonder what might have been if I'd been more willing to trust again.

You never know what lasting effects anything will have not only on you but on those around you. All you can do is do your best each day & pray that what you do does not hurt any one else.

The thing that effected me the most was my respect for my mother was damaged for a long time. My opinion of women in general was effected by that, even though I don't hold a grudge anymore (she cheated on my father). Then a few years later she decided we would move a couple thousand miles away from my dad grandparents ect to be where her 2nd husband could get better "gigs" (he was a drummer). So I have some separation anxiety and I tend to harden my heart to people so as not to get hurt when/if they leave.

I think I am getter better at dealing with it though. Overall I think it made me stronger. That along with some other difficult things I have delt with.

I have had a few long term relationships. Never been married. Im 26 now and I am in no rush to the alter. I am with a man now who I think I will marry someday, so Im happy. My relationship with my parents is good, but I am closer to my grandparents than either of them. My mom and I don't really have a lot in common. So although we get along we don't have a lot to talk about. My dad isn't the fatherly type. I know he loves me and we get along great and do share common interests, but we don't talk that much or see each other even though I have since moved back to the same town.

Oh I don't have any kids nor do I want any. I never did so that has nothing to do with the divorce.

I was glad when my parents split-he was a very angry man all the time and there was no real relationship with him as such. It made Mum happier(much) to be away from him, and that rubbed off onto us.

I still get on well with my mother and am only now(I'm 37) starting to develop a reasonable relationship with him.. Only because he has initiated it-otherwise I wouldn't have bothered. We talk about the weather a Iot.

I don't think its made me weaker or stronger..maybe stronger..its hard to judge that.

I have been in a long term relationship now for 14 years and everything is fine..hasn't always been wonderful but its getting better all the time and I feel that we are both much happier, and better as a couple now.

My relationship with my children is weird...I have developed a bit of a "best friend" thing with them. I try to let their father be the disciplinarian but he's away a lot at work and I do have to do it sometimes. Anyway whenever anyone talks to me about my relationship with my son, they mention how close we are, as if its a bad thing...Screw the world any way my relationship with my kids is fine.

My parents divorced when I was very young. It was not easy because I feel as though my brother and I were items that got tossed back and forth between them. As we got older they realized that we need stability. I get along with my parents, but things are perfect. As far as my kids, things are great with them, I do everything that I can to make sure they are safe and protected. My parents have each been divorced more then once so I don't look at them for examples of how a relationship is supposed to be. My mother-in-law is a good example, she was there till "death-do-you part".

Coming from a divorced family made me more independent and closed off. I really have to work to include my wife in what I am thinking and feeling... she feels that. There are times when I want to be alone and I believe that it stems from the divorce and being on my own so much. I am selfish because when I want my wife around I can not get enough of her, then there are other times where I am almost glad that she is out with friends of has decided to turn in early. I do know this, I am dead set against divorce, my wife and I will always be together because I love my wife and that path towards divorce is something I work to keep away from our relationship.

My husband told me after we got married that he thought I viewed marriage as something that could be broken (divorce) but he didn't b/c his parents were still married so that was pretty eye-opening for me. I feel like I'm more able to help my stepson deal with the fact of having two homes b/c I did it. My relationship is stronger with my mom but I adore my dad and anything that caused their divorce has nothing to do with me. My parents never, ever tried to pit me against the other which I'm grateful for so I came out of the divorce just fine. They divorced when I was 7 and I'm 27 now. It does make me want to work harder to give my children the nuclear family though b/c I know how hard it can be to bounce back and forth.

My mother and father slip up when I was 4 and then divorced when I was 10. As a child, I was very heart broken because my mother left my father and I for drugs instead. I never could understand it. But my grandma and dad taught me, and I did on my own, how to care about people and have morals. It did effect me in a emotional way but I was strong and pulled through. My father never could find the right woman until his 4th marriage. I have learned that there are going to be problems in relationships and if both parties work at it. Then it will work out. My husband and I have a very good marriage for being on in our early 20s. We don't have children yet because we want to wait. But when we do, I am going to be the best mom I can be. I am going to love them with a mothers love , love that my mother could not give.

My husband and I both came from divorced parents. We have been married for 25 years, I dont think coming from divorced parents always makes you feel threatened by marriage. It can mean the opposite. Not wanting to go thru what your parents went thru. Its all a choice, You can use divorce as an excuse if you want to. I think if you abandon your children after divorce that it can have very lasting effects. OR if you stay with an abusive partner. You want to teach your kids to make responsible choices, even if its the choice to leave. My husband doesnt get along with his mom cuz she married an abuser. I get along great with my mom and she was married 5x.

It definitely made a huge impact on my life. It has caused me to have commitment and trust issues. My parents divorced at a very impressionable age for me. In addition their divorce was around infidelity which only made the whole thing worse. I'm sure the experience has made me stronger, however I would have given that up to not have gone through the whole experience. As far as my children, it's made me more protective and want the best for my kids.

Where to start? Yeah, it's affected me a lot. It wasn't even the divorce itself, but all the fallout from the divorce. The parental bickering. Using the kids as pawns. Paying more attention to their own emotional needs than the kids'. The lack of parental care. Using the kids as emotional confidantes in absence of spouse, making the kid have a hard time growing up. My relationship with both my parents is permanently flawed. Again, partly due to the fallout. Like, my father remarried, and suddenly didn't have any time for me or my brother anymore. That's not something inherent to remarriage, but it's COMMON in remarriage, and one of the many problems children of divorce are subjected to. And my mother is manipulative and tries to control my brother and I. Not inherent to divorce, but certainly worsened because of divorce. My father didn't want to deal with that problem, so by divorce he was freed--and we kids became more plagued with it than ever, because there was no parent as a buffer. Watch the movie The Squid and the Whale--best movie about divorce from a kid's perspective I've ever seen.