As an adult child of divorced parents, how do I communicate with my angry mother?

Tell your mom that you're extremely disappointed, both in her unwillingness to forget the past for one day, and in holding resentment towards you for wanting both of your parents to attend your wedding.

My parents are divorced, but they never made me choose who to pick for important events. They were both there for graduations, awards ceremonies, etc.

You can not make her go, and you wouldn't want her making a scene if she did. Let her make her own choice and be haunted by regret for the rest of her life.

Tell your mother that you want her at your wedding, and if it will make her feel any better tell her to bring a male guest to accompany her. She needs to start acting like an adult and put her personal feelings about your father and his new wife on the back burner, because this is YOUR wedding and not hers. Your father has every right to be at his daughters wedding and walk you down the aisle, regardless how she feels. She can chose to be angry and act any way she wants when she's on her own time. But she needs to be told to behave at the wedding(if she goes) or have her removed just as you would any other guest that behaves inappropriately. If she chooses not to go to the wedding, I would talk to your father in private about just how childish she's acting and how much her decision is hurting you. Sometimes you need to be hard on your parent(s) when you're trying to do something the in the best interest of yourself and everyone else involved. It's not going to be easy but it needs to be done; then the ball is in her court to do the right thing by her daughter. Good Luck with your mother,and Best Wishes in your marriage/future!!!!!!!

Look I am a mom and here is my advise ,10 years is long enough and if your mom really loves you she will suck it up and go .So let it be up to her after you tell her this .

Her and your dad divorce you didn't divorce neither so she should respect your plan and hey if she don't then she will be the one looking bad not going to her daughters wedding .So please just ask her why she would let that keep her from the wedding,And tell her it is her own choice that you wish for her to be there but totally up to her .And have a wonderful wedding,It's way past time mom should be over it by now

I think your mother is being selfish and is making you feel bad for something that you need to be celebrating about. Unfortunately if she doesn't want to come to the wedding, that's her issue...easier said than done though.

She's also turning this into a power struggle-- and in her own mind, you are going to lose either way. You'll end up offending someone if you did or didn't invite your dad and his new wife. What your mother needs to do is grow up herself and if she can't get the maturity to realize that this day is supposed to make you happy, maybe it's better if she doesn't come at all.

I would tell her that it's YOUR wedding, not hers. If she chooses to be angry because you want to include people there from your life who are important to you, that's HER problem. HER problem is that she needs to respect the fact that it's your wedding and you can invite who you please and it's HER choice if she won't come and wants to make you feel bad. Say these things calmly and if she gets angry, let her. You dealt with your issues and it's time for her to deal with hers.

I got married myself and I can tell you that someone-- it doesn't matter who, but that someone will always take offense or issue with ANYTHING no matter what. I say get married the way you dam_n well please.

If you mother wants to digress and act like a 10 year old spoiled child ( which she is), then she shouldn't go to the wedding. I have seen this problem in my work. The piece of advice I give is whether it is that important to you to have both parents there. They both need to keep in mind that this day is about you and not your mother. Often weddings will bring out the worst in families. Your mother needs to understand that making you unhappy on your day will surely affect your future relationship with her. Inform her that her hostility and anger need to stop for one day or don't bother to come. This may bring you pain but at this point ( after ten years), what is the point for her to stay angry with your father? She is not thinking about you but herself. Make it known to her your intentions. If you don't stick to a firm ground with her, she will continue to use your dad as leverage to get her way.

You should tell her- "listen this event is not about you, it's about me and my bride to be. I would like it if you could share in celebrating my happiness. If you don't want to join me in celebrating this moment due to some feelings that you have about people that i have invited to the wedding, that's on you. Just know it's important to me that you support me in this moment and not be one more stressful thing that's going on in my life. I love you and understand that my father hurt you but becuase of that you are hurting me and that's not fair." I'd type it up or write it in a letter give it to her and not count on her being at the wedding.

Once you write the letter release all feelings that you have about the whole situation. If she comes it'll be a nice surprise, if she doesn't you won't be surprised.

Ugh... as a divorced mother of two this annoys me to no end. I'll never understand why some parents can't think beyond themselves and put their children first. Tell your mother that you love her and want her to be a part of your wedding. If she refuses then the problem is hers, not yours, to resolve. She hasn't come to terms with her divorce and is being rather juvenile to put you in a position of choosing her or your father. If she chooses not to attend because your father and his wife will be in attendance tell her that you accept her decision. Then drop it and let her stay home. It's not your responsibility to force her to cope with her life circumstances and you can't beat yourself up about her lack of acceptance.

My Mom when she married my Dad in 1967 said my grandmother did not want her father to be there. My grand mother paid for it and my mom had a very very loving stepdad. This man was my grandfather. My mom didn't have her real father at her wedding cause of this.

Have a long talk with your mom. I am going through the same thing with my husband ... His ex family does not want to know me.

Your mother is very wrong. I'd tell her that if she didn't deal with it, she will risk missing out on one of the most important events in your life. What will she do if you have children? She cannot be allowed to tell her grandchildren that their grandfather is a horrible person? What about holidays, when more family could be around? She is risking loosing all that over a hissy fit. She is harboring hostile feelings that you cannot condone. Tell her to make her choices wisely (and maybe seek councilling). I wish you peace, but if she won't change her mind, you have to cut her out of the plans....

then if your mother wants to act like a child and not come because she loves you.then go on with your wedding without her.i know you would want her there but if she can't out her own anger aside for you for the happiest day of your life your mom has issues she needs to come to terms with that have nothing to do with you.sorry that your mom is a sick woman and she needs help she will be unhappy for the rest of her life and that is so sad.