Will my sister react badly if I use her dog for one of my performance art pieces while she's gone to church?
I live with my fat slag of a sister and her loutish, stupid husband, and they are always saying that I am lazy and need to get a job, that I shouldn't drink, that since I'm in my 40s now I should grow up, etc. They are super-religious, so of course they hate that I have an art degree and am an accomplished and talented artist, not to mention a handsome and charming gay man, and they denigrate the performance art pieces that I perform via webcam from the basement I live in at their house.
Anyway, I want to show them that I can be creative in a stunning way, so that they will realize what a talented person I am, and how lucky they are to have me in their lives and basement. I'm hoping that they will give me the $300 I asked for to get a quality spray-on tan, so that way I don't have to use the credit card I swiped from her purse. My idea is to take their golden retriever, Shirley Goodness, and put dark spots on her with black shoe polish; the art piece shall be called "A Leopard Can't Change His Spots, But Can Retrieve Them If They Get Lost." Get it?! She's a GOLDEN RETRIEVER but I'm making her look like A LEOPARD! And now that I've revealed my performance art idea online, NO ONE BETTER STEAL IT!
Anyway, they weren't too impressed with my last performance art piece, when I took their manx cat and put rabbit ears on her and called it, "Pulling A Rabbit From A Cat." It even got good reviews from a local underground newspaper:
"I checked out a performance *art* piece by Jack the other night on his website. Something about how a manx cat looks like it has a rabbit's tail, although the cat on the video wouldn't keep its ears on. In case you don't know, Jack is a pretty boy who doesn't like to be told he's now a 40 year old man, and is very easy to bed if you compliment his art. I had him the other night and all it took was buying him a drink at the bar and letting him talk about his favorite subject: himself. As far as his art goes, it is as superficial as he is."
SEE??? He said my art was as SUPER as I am! You would think my sister and her dumb husband would be impressed, but they don't know anything about art. Will my new performance art piece make them appreciate me, or will they get mad and accuse me of being drunk again? Please don't get too wordy in your answers, because I have a horrible hangover this morning.