(war poetry) Is this any good?

I'm writing random war poetry.. ( this one is about Omaha beach)

I just feel like doing it , i don't know why.

Can you give your honest opinion please?
Its just the start and i often scrap a few poems before i come up with the finished thing. Also , i know i need to work on punctuation

thanks :)


we hit the beach

we fall like flies

can't stop to think

or hear their cries

shell fire shakes our souls

i sink to the sand

i stain it red

soon i am silenced

my life i have shed

in a flash all is black and my sences abandon me

i abandon myself.

i am gone

Anonymous2013-04-07T17:06:21Z

Favorite Answer

Good writing man. I can imagine and paint the darkness you used in this writing in my head. I love to hear and write dark poems. Check out my poems on my profile. Keep on writing and unleash your writing fury!

Anonymous2013-04-07T23:22:15Z

I like the flow, and the quirky rythem in which it adopts; but it leaves no profound effect on my mind, and perhaps it could be labelled as a "cliche" in my book.