I have 2 grown sons (34 and 31). Their father was abusive towards me. I literally ran out of the house one night and never returned.?
The night that happened my older son was staying overnite at his grandmas, but I had my younger son with me. They saw a lot of arguing and kaos. I thought I set a good example by leaving my husband. Now my sons talk to me disrespectfully, and accuse me of abusing them when they were little. It is not so. Why is the abuse repeating itself when I did the right thing? I was a single mom after that, moved them to another state, and was always there for them. Now they are both married with one son each. Where did I go wrong?
Anonymous2018-04-21T18:11:01Z
I think you chose to marry the wrong person. I think something must have happened to them, for them to want to disrespect you. Maybe it's because of "They saw a lot of arguing and kaos." Regarding them saying that you abused them when they were little, they have their side of the story, and you have your side of the story. Since there is no proof, then I think other people might believe either you, or your sons. Since you have 2 sons, then people might believe them over you.
Leaving your husband was probably a good idea. You said you didn't abuse your kids, and they said you did abuse them. Someone must be right, and someone must be wrong.
You never said anything about you getting a divorce, so I assume you were still married after you left your husband.
Its quite possible your sons are telling the truth. Its just that you don't identify your actions as abusive, and instead very typical. Ask them for details and you might find the error of your understand ... or theirs.
You left out a pretty big detail. How old were they when you got them to safety in another state? Also, how much time elapsed when your older son was by himself when you left with the younger one? That must have been terrifying to him.
I agree you did the right thing when you got them to another state, but it probably didn't erase the damage done to them prior to this. Even young toddlers can be impacted by chaos in the home. If you never got them counseling, they have these early memories of dad treating you like crap. This stuff doesn't magically disappear. I'm also guessing they have anger issues themselves (beyond the way they treat you).
There's not much else to say. They're grown adults and it's unlikely they'll change towards you. Try to stay focused on your grandkids, who hopefully aren't growing up in a toxic environment. If they are, you're witnessing first hand why domestic violence is considered a multi generational problem.