I have 2 grown sons (34 and 31). Their father was abusive towards me. I literally ran out of the house one night and never returned.?

I think you chose to marry the wrong person. I think something must have happened to them, for them to want to disrespect you. Maybe it's because of "They saw a lot of arguing and kaos." Regarding them saying that you abused them when they were little, they have their side of the story, and you have your side of the story. Since there is no proof, then I think other people might believe either you, or your sons. Since you have 2 sons, then people might believe them over you.

Leaving your husband was probably a good idea. You said you didn't abuse your kids, and they said you did abuse them. Someone must be right, and someone must be wrong.

You never said anything about you getting a divorce, so I assume you were still married after you left your husband.

Its quite possible your sons are telling the truth. Its just that you don't identify your actions as abusive, and instead very typical. Ask them for details and you might find the error of your understand ... or theirs.

you didnt do anything wrong, they did by ignoring you like that

As they is,undoubtedly, much more that could be said nobody can judge.

Now you are all adults maybe a family talk would help.

how come you are too stupid to spell chaos?

That's OK

Now my sons talk to me disrespectfully, and accuse me of abusing them when they were little.

And you deny it? That is the issue. They came from an abusive household, one where you were also abused, which means you were screwed up from that abuse when they were young at least, which means you did and said things that you either do not remember, did not believe was abusive, or were so screwed up didn't realize what you were doing. They are both saying it, which means at least in their minds it is/was real, it is shier reality. Denying it, to them, means you are refusing to admit and accept what they perceive you did. Just piles on the BS. Try another tact, if you don't remember then say so, but also apologize, do not defend though. Just comes off as justification. Not sure why you are saying the abuse is repeating, is it they are doing the same to their children or are you talking about the way they talk to you? If it is the disrespect to you, could have everything to do with your response to their accusations.

You left out a pretty big detail. How old were they when you got them to safety in another state? Also, how much time elapsed when your older son was by himself when you left with the younger one? That must have been terrifying to him.

I agree you did the right thing when you got them to another state, but it probably didn't erase the damage done to them prior to this. Even young toddlers can be impacted by chaos in the home. If you never got them counseling, they have these early memories of dad treating you like crap. This stuff doesn't magically disappear. I'm also guessing they have anger issues themselves (beyond the way they treat you).

There's not much else to say. They're grown adults and it's unlikely they'll change towards you. Try to stay focused on your grandkids, who hopefully aren't growing up in a toxic environment. If they are, you're witnessing first hand why domestic violence is considered a multi generational problem.