My son has started hitting other children at pre-school. Does he just want to stay at home with Mum?

As an elementary school teacher, I can understand your concern for your son. One of the first things I thought of when I was reading your question was if your son was an only child.

I can tell you that situation in itself is probably the main reason why your son is acting out at school. At home, your son is the focus on you and your husband. He gets all of the attention in the world and does not have to worry about any other siblings vying for your time.

When your son is in school, not only must he learn to interact with children his own age, but now he must try to gain as much of the teacher's attention, as possible.

One of the things that you and your son's teacher can do is maybe set up a reward system for him. Instead of focusing on the negatives that he does at school focus on the positives. For example, every time your son is caught doing something good, a block can go into a jar or he gets a sticker on a sticker chart. If he fills the jar or the sticker chart, he gets a reward. Now is the chance for the rewards to be creative. If he earns a reward, he can pick a friend in the class to do something with, or he can choose a few friends to sit with at lunch. These are just some examples.

As a homework assignment, the teacher can assign for the students to do something witha friend from class over the weekend. Ask your son who he really likes in school and maybe have them meet and play in the park or over your house for an hour. These are all small steps that you need to take now, otherwise your son will become allianated from the others in the class, and he will be alone and resentful towards school. Mark my words, he will not be happy to go to class each day, so you need to make it a happy place for him.

It's very easy for me to sit here and tell you to have another child, but I could honestly say that it would help to alleviate the situation. It would definately be an adjustment for your son, but it would teach him to share his time and would help him interact with someone around his own age. Plus it would be a friend that he would have for the rest of his life.

At his age sharing, caring and cooperation aren't necessarily the first things that come to his mind when he's around other kids. It takes some time for children to adjust to any new situation. Give him time and he will improve. Ask the teachers what sort of consequences they use and how they deal with his behaviour. It would be a good idea for consistency within the home and school. I wouldn't worry about it too much - he's there to learn and socialization is a huge aspect of this. Once he starts to catch on that his behaviour is unacceptable, it will change. If you choose to keep him at home with you, you would be doing him a disservice as he will not learn valuable lessons and his behaviours will only worsen when he is 5 and attending school. Good luck with it.

I can relate - I have an only child and he is now 9. Do not let him stay home with you or he will always want to stay home with you. He has to learn what he is doing is wrong and don't let him get away with it. Sometimes kids hit for attention. If he laughs after he hits someone, the best thing to do is tel him "no that is bad!" and kinda ignore him for a bit tell you know the thought of hitting has gone away. If he sees that he is not getting much out of the situation he will get board of hitting and move on to a new habit to get some ones attention and hopefully it is something good. When he does something good, give him lots of praise, "Oh your such a good boy for doing that" or "Mommy is very happy that you can do that!" Show lots of praise and he will see how to get proper attention. Good luck I hope I have helped.

It could be a few issues:

1. He isn't happy where he is meaning he doesn't like the providers and/or other kids.

2. He is bored. He may not have enough stimulation at the preschool.

3. He may be having to "defend" himself there. I have a 1 year old now who at his other daycare hit and bit kids but he hasn't done it but once here. His mom said it was because at the other daycare he had to fight for everything because there were too many kids and not enough toys.

I am a home daycare provider and I only keep 6 children. I also have a preschool curriculum for the 3-5 year olds. You might want to consider an environment like this because if he doesn't act like this at home something is wrong.

You need to use logical consequences. If you can, go and observe the school (or invite a child over). As soon as you see him hurt another child, rush to that child and comfort them. "Wow, I saw that! That must have hurt!" Empathize with them and take them away from your son while shutting your son out. He will learn that he gets no attention for this behavior and it won't be fun. He may even begin to empathize himself.

Another logical consequence for this is to work with his teachers. Try and take a day where you remain close to the school. As soon as he hits or scratches a friend have the teacher call you and get him right away. Tell him "If you're going to hurt others at school you can't be there." To enforce it more keep him home the following day and say "I'm worried you might hurt someone at school so you need to stay home." Have a really boring day that day. The next day ask him if he's ready to return to school without hurting anyone.

Talk to him a lot about how it feels for his peers to get hurt. "That sounds like it really hurt Joey. Instead of hurting him what can you do next time instead?" Empathize with him as well so he can learn to better express himself. "You must have been really angry (upset, hurt, frustrated, mad) when you hit Joey." Good luck!