Why is being "nice", thoughtful, caring, forgiving, gracious, considered by many as being weak?

A very thoughtful question! It's so true that those beautiful qualities are considered weak. In our cut throat competition driven society there doesn't seem to be much room for real human beings these days. I'm sure the many who consider these qualities weak would like to be more open and kind but they view this world as a competition or a scary place, or a place to just get by in, etc. and feel they must always keep their guard up. This society has always honored and valued toughness. There is nothing wrong with being tough when needed and defending yourself but this culture honors toughness in a twisted way. There is pages written on the conquerors and violent people in our history books but someone like Lao tzu or peace pilgrim or Buddha are only tiny footnotes. I think it comes from our wrong views about life. It comes from fear and trying to protect ourselves. We think we have to be so hard and constantly on guard 24/7 against the dangers of life. Common sense tells us we do have to protect ourselves and not be naive but we can also be open and gracious and caring, etc. It takes a lot of courage to be open and to be kind and thoughtful. The rose's real strength is it's beauty. Being yourself at all times is the real strength and it is so beautiful. It is rare to find people who risk being themselves. Be proud to have those qualities!

But perhaps they're not being nice, thoughtful, etc. Perhaps they're just getting rolled because they're weak and scared. Perhaps they're just rationalizing their weakness by giving it all these nice labels; all to hide the fact that they can't stand up for themselves and are forced to act subserviently to others as a means to protect themselves.

And in the end, if both nice and weak people are treated the same, what's the difference? So the ultimate guide is: Do you usually get screwed-over by people? Or do people normally end up respecting you? If you're normally screwed, then you're weak. Otherwise, it's probably niceness.

They lack experience. That's why I don't brag. I have realized that the highest form of bragging is to let someone else do it FOR YOU.

Being nice is uplifting to everyone. Some people find it very offensive because they cannot understand the power behind it.

I paid a waitress a $5 tip one time after getting a $6 meal an hour late. I ate there free for a year after that.

Hope that helps,

Jon

It is a good question. In my opinion I would say that the qualities you mentioned are very desirable qualities, but that they are difficult for many to achieve. That is why people who lack those qualities become envious of those who do have them, and because they do not know the way to achieve them, they make the reflection that those qualities are weak in order to hide their insecurities for not having such nice qualities.

The "many" are ignorant and they're the ones who are weak. They're not strong enough to know how or want to be all of those good qualities you mentioned. Who cares what they think, anyway ?

The only time those traits are mistaken or considered weak is when they're accompanied by weakness or passiveness. I consider myself to be all those things, but I accompany them with confidence, strength, and self-respect.

It is possible to be nice and have a backbone at the same time. Also, stay away from people who think "nice" is weak.

Because many are jealous of such attributes and hate that others have them or hate the idea of them because they are so fool of the blood+piss in themselves.

Don't change your ways, those are the best attributes to have. Weakness is completly irrelavent.

People who would consider this being weak have "weak" minds!

Stay the way you are, just show more of your ambition. Drive commands respect, and ambitious people with your traits go far.