Does a man's sex drive have anything to do with his wife...?

I am a woman who is divorced after 20 years of marriage, a marriage in which our sexual adjustment was never really good. (My therapist theorizes that my ex is gay and would never admit it to me or himself; I think that is likely. Thus, he wasn't all that into lovemaking with any woman -- it wasn't "all my fault".)

I don't have a great answer for you, I just want to say that I understand your hurt, puzzlement and frustration. A wife would like to think that some large measure of her man's sexual response is about her, specifically, bodily and/or personality, not just that he got horny and you were available. So you're not alone in feeling as you do. {{{sisterly hugs}}}

Sex drives are biological. Guys get hard looking at a shoe. Tell him to pleasure himself until he wants you. Not use you just when he wants some.

Speaking strictly for myself, the woman has everything to do with it. Not just any woman though, the absolute object of desire.

Yes it is because of you. Doesn't he ever tell you that you are pretty? If he doesn't then he is the kind that doesn't communicate very well.

He is sick and so are you if you keep catering to every whim. Let him masturbate and do whatever you want to do for yourself. unless of course you consider yourself a slave.

I think it should be all about you!!!