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How on earth do you deal with something like this?

Sam, a 24 year old man that had everything going for him. He adopted me as his second Mom. We were very close. I noticed from the beginning of August that he was depressed. He owned half of a business. On August 28th, 2006, he committed suicide. He left a suicide note in his car....How does a person deal with a suicide? Sam was very intelligent and he had a personality for people that was outstanding. He left so many people behind that loved him so.

Update:

To you -- mzdelow911--

what on earth makes you believe that I didn't try to talk to him??? I did over and over.....How dare you judge me. There is only one judge and He is not sitting in front of any computer.....

11 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I know how hard that can be... my half-brother killed himself a few years ago with an overdose... he was the most popular person I ever knew, people couldn't help but like him, but he never felt it, in his own mind he was always alone... I don't think it's something that you can ever truly 'get over', but, having been there, I can say that it does get easier in time... and I'd just like to say how sorry I am that you have had this experience....

  • 1 decade ago

    Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss. Apparently Sam didn't have everything a young man could want. Depression afflicts so many young people and older people and those who commit suicide don't realize that the world isn't always going to be this black and awful.

    How do you deal with it , you don't blame yourself. No matter what you said probably wouldn't have made a difference , he was mentally ill and he was determined to take his own life.

    His loss will be with you forever that's very true, but rather than focus on that focus instead on cherishing his good memories .

    Maybe plant a tree in his name or offer time at a distress center or talk to young people about the devastation one's friends and family feel after someone commits suicide.

    God bless .

  • You need to not blame yourself or others. He was the one that made the decision. Most communities have support groups that help in this situation. Try to remember all the happy times that you spent together and not the sad times. Time does help heal wounds.

  • 1 decade ago

    First, learn to believe it was not your fault and you are not to blame. Find a support group for yourself. Listen to Steamroller9. He's right on rational.

    Forget that MZdelow911 very cruel.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You have already received many good answers. I would just like to offer my condolences on the tragic loss of your beloved Sam.

  • 1 decade ago

    How does suicide affect friends and family members?

    Suicide is extremely traumatic for the friends and family members that remain (the survivors), even though people that attempt suicide often think that no-one cares about them. In addition to the feelings of grief normally associated with a person's death, there may be guilt, anger, resentment, remorse, confusion and great distress over unresolved issues. The stigma surrounding suicide can make it extremely difficult for survivors to deal with their grief and can cause them also to feel terribly isolated.

    Survivors often find that people relate differently to them after the suicide, and may be very reluctant to talk about what has happened for fear of condemnation. They often feel like a failure because someone they cared so much about has chosen to suicide, and may also be fearful of forming any new relationships because of the intense pain they have experienced through the relationship with the person who has completed suicide.

    People who have experienced the suicide of someone they cared deeply about can benefit from "survivor groups", where they can relate to people who have been through a similar experience, and know they will be accepted without being judged or condemned. Most counseling services should be able to refer people to groups in their local area. Survivor groups, counseling and other appropriate help can be of tremendous assistance in easing the intense burden of unresolved feelings that suicide survivors often carry.

    (See Survivors of Suicide Discussion Forum - The Circle, on this Web Site.)

    Return To Questions

    13. Hang on; isn't it illegal though? Doesn't that stop people?

    Whether it is legal or not makes no difference to someone who is in such distress that they are trying to kill themselves. You can't legislate against emotional pain so making it illegal doesn't stop people in distress from feeling suicidal. It is likely to merely isolate them further, particularly since the vast majority of attempts are unsuccessful, leaving the attemptor in a worse state than before if they're now a criminal as well. In some countries and states it is still illegal, in other places it's not.

    Return To Questions

    14. But don't people have the right to kill themselves if they want to?

    Each of us is responsible for our own actions and life choices. In a sense then, an individual may have the right to do as they wish with their life, including to end it if they so desire. Western societies in particular tend to emphasise individual rights over communal rights and responsibilities.

    However, every person exists as part of a larger network of relationships of various types which set the context in which an individual's rights and responsibilities exist. People who feel lonely, isolated, distressed and hopeless about their future can find it extremely difficult to recognize supportive relationships which may exist around them. This often causes them to grossly underestimate both the degree of support which could be gained from those around them, and the impact that their suicide would have should they complete it.

    Discussions regarding rights can become emotive, particularly when there is a conflict between individual and communal rights and responsibilities. For example, people who have been emotionally devastated by the suicide of someone close to them could equally assert their right not to be as understanding by someone else's suicide attempt. It should be reiterated however that a person contemplating suicide is more likely to need understanding than a lecture on their responsibilities to other people.

    Ultimately, helping people to deal with their problems better, see their options more clearly, make better choices for themselves and avoid choices that they would otherwise regret empowers people with their rights rather than taking their rights away.

  • 1 decade ago

    Give you enough time to feel sad for this lost. Cry everything you need. After that think about it, think that some way or another it was his time but it is useless to blame yourself.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    He is flying now, one of the lucky ones! He is probably one of your guardian angels now, honey. Death is not bad. Suffering is. Remember the blessing of his soul touching yours in this life. Be happy sweetie and fly with the angels. Love, Terry Ann.

  • 1 decade ago

    lots of prayer for one, God will help you through anything if you ask. And time, it takes a long time, but the pain does subside eventually.

  • 1 decade ago

    all the what if's is not gonna bring him back, but i must say, if you noticed him being depressed, you should of talked to him and snapped him out of it.

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