How to handle an inequality in emotional committment?

Question

We've been seeing each other for a little more than a month.  He is very emotionally attached to me, and feels we have incredible long term potential.  I think the possibility is there, but I am not feeling nearly as "sure" about it as he is.  Is it selfish to stay in the relationship, knowing I don't CARE as much as he does, and knowing there is a possibility I never will?  Should I "stick it out" for a while longer, take the chance of hurting him, just to see if I "develop" these feelings?  What's the right thing to do?

randyken · Accepted Answer

Be honest with him, but if you are willing to see where this will go, and he wants to try, then you should try.  There is no reason to deny him the opportunity if it is him who might get hurt but wants to proceed.  I know it sounds kinda shallow, but he is a grown up so why would you make a decision for him?  Let him make it and go with it and just see what happens.

GLSigma3 · Answer

NO!  Be 100% up front with him.  Don't risk getting hurt, or hurting him.  You can't make feelings up, you can't make a relationship out of thin air.  

My ex said "I love you" after about 2 weeks of dating.  He was all about it, and him being my first relationship, I just went with it.  After 2 1/2 years of dating, I realized he was a jerk, and that we were just together because it was easier than being single.  Please be honest with him about how you feel, because I don't want to see you or any other girl trapped into a relationship like the one I finally got out of.

Jason S · Answer

Be honest with him and let him know that you are not in the same place he is. Tell him what you just told all of us, that you would like to keep seeing him but aren't ready to settle down just yet.

dd · Answer

longer u wait....more the pain (for him)

What gives? · Answer

DONT LEAD HIM ON

BREAK IT OFF BEFORE HE FALLS ANY HARDER

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How to handle an inequality in emotional committment?

5 Answers