Parenting Problem, serious ONE!!?

if he is negative attention seeking, you might try making him sit cross legged facing a wall in a time out when he displays aggressive behavior. Don't talk to him while he is in time out. But you need to make sure that you give him lots of positive attention when he is behaving well. If it is attention he is after, he will start modeling the behavior that gets him the most attention. I agree that spanking is not the solution. It just reinforces the violence.

My God, we have so much in common. I have a 4 yr old and a 2 year old boy and a new kitten. Ummm let me see, my 4 year old hasn't gone through the choaking stage but he has just about done everything else. His thing at the moment is hair pulling, I, like you, don't mind handing out smacks but he does it so often that I am sick of smacking him and it obviously isn't working either, I have sat him down and told him that it really hurts people when he does it, so I know that he knows that, i have now started to take things off him. Eg, when they go out the back and play his little brother is riding a bike and the older ones bike is locked up in the garage. He cries and carries on for it, but this just makes me think GOOD finally I have found something that bothers you. Try and find that thing that will bother him, as well as explaining how dangerous it is. Good luck with it all!!!!!!

Are there any new changes in the home besides the puppy (did he just start school, recent move, family issues, family stress)? If so, give him a lot of extra love and support. Do you feel he is doing this out of anger? If he is, empathize after a hurting incident. Say things like “You must have been really (mad, hurt, angry, frustrated, upset) when you choked (the dog, your brother, friend). What can you do next time instead of choking? Do some problem solving with him. He should learn to express his feelings rather than hurt.

What works best when disciplining children is using natural or logical consequences? Taking away a toy or privilege is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if he throws it or is destructive with it is logical. A good consequence for this behavior is (when he’s at school) to be on call with his teacher. As soon as he hurts another child, ask the teacher to remove him from the group and go get him as fast as you can. Tell him “If you are going to hurt people at school you can’t be there.” Have a really boring day with him. If you can keep him home the following day. Tell him “You can’t go to school today because I am worried someone might get hurt.” Keeping him at home an extra day will reinforce the message.

When he is home and attempts to hurt his brother or the dog, rush to the victim and empathize. “Ouch! That must have hurt. You must be so angry! Let get something to help it feel better (ice, hugs, kisses).” Ignore your son. He will not like feeling left out. You can also be overly dramatic about it when he approaches his brother or the dog. Rust to the victim and pick them up. Say “I need to move you away from him so he won’t hurt you.” If your son continues to be aggressive, get down to his level and say “I do not want you to hurt (your brother, the dog). Take him to an area where he will be alone (his room, the couch). Say “When you are ready to be gentle then you can come back with us.” This is not a time out because you are not setting a time limit (you controlling your son). He returns when HE is ready to control himself.

Notice you son when he is not misbehaving. Children who hurt others are trying to feel powerful. Help him to feel powerful by saying things like “You did that by yourself! You can climb so high! You ran super fast! You used so many colors on your painting!” These phrases are great confidence builders, great ways to show positive attention, and great ways for him to feel powerful in a positive way. Hope this helps! Be patient and consistent! Good luck!

I do not think you are over-reacting. However, it does not sound like this is an act of "violence". Boys can be aggressive in their play. At four years old, it is impossible for him to know the consequences of choking.

Natural lessons or consequences are very valuable. Explain in a stern but simple manner that choking can prevent someone from breathing. Have him hold his breath as long as he can. Do this with him. Then discuss how it felt. Ask questions like, "How do you think it would feel if you could not just open your mouth and breath?" Tell him the physical feelings you had holding your breath...chest hurting, scared, etc... This may or may not have an impact on him.

IF IT DOES NOT, have him be your shadow. When you cook, he has to sit in the kitchen. When you do the laundry, he has to sit in the laundry room. Explain to him that you are very concerned about his aggressive behavior toward his brother and you have to make sure he does not do so. Explain that he has to be your shadow until he can be trusted. Gradually give him his freedom back.

I hope this "phase" passes soon. Stay loving and stern!! Good luck!

tell him very very sternLY

NO that is WRONG to do you cAN HURT SOMEONE!!!

then take away all privledges

games,television, outside play time and put him on a daily timeout or give him lil chores to do like put all his toys in a basket and then tell him everytime he does it again the punishments will last longer but no matter what his behavior is not to be TOLERATED!

If he thinks hes a big boy and can hurt people then he can take a punishment

but if his violent streaks get severe and worsen then look into finding out where this displaced anger could be coming from..maybe he feels neglected by you or his dad or the teacher or maybe the kid was picking on him

and worse of the worse he could be a sociopath and may need therapy and counseling ...trust me this starts early and a big red flag is violence to people and animals

BEST ANSWER I THINK SO!!!!

You need to have a talk with your son and explain to him what he's doing and why he shouldn't do it. You need to take control of your child and let him know that you're not putting up with that crap. As an alternative to spanking you can take away toys or other things from his room and let him know that boys that do not behave do not get privileges. Also you might want to ask him why he's doin it. It sounds like he is acting out in response to not having a need met. Get to the real root of the problem and observe his behavior. Ask him where he learned how to choke or who he saw choking something. Kids are imitators, they see something they imitate it. Don't be accusatory when confronting him, be calm and ask him questions without getting angry. Good luck!

first time he does is stop him. second time he does it 5 minute time out. third time he does it no TV for the whole day. if he still does it take away something precious for a week or so, and every time he whines about it tell him "you get it back when you stop choking people." don't let him be alone with the puppy or his brother. I doubt he can permanently hurt either of them, but the baby could get very scared and the puppy will bite him.

You say you're not scared to deal out a butt whopin, but have you actually done so? I'm not saying you have to spank your child but you do have to find a way to stop him, now! This can be serious and he is likely to hurt, or God forbid, kill someone's child. Talking may not be enough, he must be made to understand the consequences of his actions so I think what some other people suggested might work; don't hurt him, but let him see how scary it is and how bad it feels for someone to choke him. If he doesn't like it maybe he won't do it to other people.

Kids get like this sometimes.... few years ago my cousin's little girl (turned 7 earlier this month) went through a phase where she'd head butt people, then laugh at them thinking it was funny.

I'd say the only surefire way to stop it is next time you catch him doing it, grab his wrists to pull them away, then give him a slap on the back of his hands, saying in a stern voice "NO! that's naughty!"...... then put him in time out for a while, and ignore any resultant tantrums.... perhaps placing him in time out somewhere where he can just about see you giving your undivided attention to the strangler's latest "victim". At the end of time out, make him say sorry if his little brother was on the receiving end of it. If he won't say sorry, then it's back to time out.

Get it nipped in the bud quick he can kill his little brother if he chokes him long enough. Explain to him that he can kill someone by choking them - be blunt - get serious mom.

However , is that the worse thing that he has done. Geez children that age can be treacherous trust me it's normal - They bite, throw things (like large rocks and steak knives). **** little kids are scary - My son was like that, he grew out of it and is now the most polite, sweetest kid you'll ever want to meet.

The terrible twos last until they are about 7.