I'm a SAHM w/ 4 young kids - I want out of my marriage...?

Well if he is not beating you or cheating and he is such a great guy then why are you wanting to divorce him? I am not a fan of divorce. I think that people get bored with their partner or things get tough and they just give up. You made a promise to him infront of God to stay with him for better or worse. So things are tough. Ask any couple who has been married for 50 years and they will tell you that there were times when things were really hard but they stuck it out.

Let me guess. You had 4 kids - one after another. He is gone at work all day and you are stuck at home with the kids. He is exhausted when he comes home and you can not figure out why because he sits behind a desk. He wants to eat dinner and you are so tired from running after toddlers and helping with homework and cleaning that you want him to cook. You both finally settledown at night and have no energy or interest in one another and you end up watching tv until you fall asleep. There is never sex and when there is you are not into it that you are making lists of things to do the next day in your head. That was me too - for a long time - only I had 3 kids. I was working fulltime and I decided to stay home thinking that it would help and it make it so much worse. I felt trapped and unappreciated and lonely. There were days I hated my husband, He is a good man, he provides for us - he helps out a little, he never cheated or lied to me and he loves his children but I hated him and wanted a divorce so bad.

I wanted a divorce and I had all the same fears that you had. I would have filed but I could not figure out where I would live or what I would do for money or child care or if I was ready to try to date with 3 little kids. What if I never met anyone, what if I met a pervert. What if I met someone and the kids could not adjust. What if I met someone and the kids got attached and it did not work out ect...

And then one day when I was plotting my escape my girlfriend called me - her husband left her for her ugly drunk neighbor - NO JOKE! He was not even half the husband that mine is. And I started to think about all the good things I have in my marriage. He never cheated, he does help me with chores when I ask, not nag, he is involved in school projects and sporting events for the kids. He helps me shop for Christmas and so on and so on. I sat down with him, because he knew how bad things were in the marriage and I told him that I wanted it to work. We decided that we were not giving up no matter what. After we both made that promise to eachother again - it seemed to help a little. Then we just needed a plan.

So he cooks every Thursday night, no matter what. I mean it does not have to be gourmet - sometimes it is, sometimes it is pizza but I am not responsible for preparing or cleaning up for a meal. I am free to go out and have dinner with a friend or stay home and just not move from the couch. He does it all. In return I do not nag him to do dinner or dishes the rest of the week. He is free on Sunday night, softball night, and if he wants to go do something else he is welcome. I stopped complaining about him going - he has his night and I have mine. Also no matter what we go out at least once a month, sometimes more. We need that time away from the kids. We have actually gotten a sitter and gone grocery shopping and out to dinner together - not exactly a hot date but we had fun. Another time we went to Lowe's for some gardening stuff and then to Barnes and Nobles. We started having more sex, he comes home for lunch sometimes and we have lunch. Sometimes he comes home for lunch and we have sex. Sometimes there is sex in the morning, sometimes in shower - it really helps. If you are into toys - get some, if you are into porn - get some - whatever it is - spice it up. It will help you both relax. When you are both relaxed you can talk to eachother more easily.

As a parent you have a responsibility to your children and if you think that them living in a house with one happy parent is better than living in a house with both parents that are content you are wrong. The greatest gift you can give your children is raising them with mommy and daddy in the home, preferably a happy home. You have the power to make it a happy home. No matter what you are thinking right now you know in your heart that it would hurt the kids to be away from their father, even if he works too much. Children of divorce are more likely to get into trouble than children of two parent homes. I have see kids whose parents got divorced become devestated. Are you prepared to have them away from you every other weekend? Every other Christmas? Maybe their birthday will be on dad's day and you will not see them. Is that something you are ready for? And no matter how many times you tell a kid it is not their fault they always think they are the reason that daddy had to leave.

Just be sure that this is what you really want. Have you tried counseling? Are either of you or both of you depressed? There are 1,000 things you can try before you give up.

Whatever you decide - Good luck!

That is the most selfish, self centered question I have seen anyone have the guts to actually post.

So your husband has done well enough financially that you get to be a stay at home Mom, and love it, he does not abuse you, and yet you're crabby?

I don't expect to have this answer picked by telling the truth, but the truth is, you made your choice for marriage any family, now grow up! If you're not responsible enough to make your relationship work with this guy, then you're surely not going to make it work in the next! You'll drag your kids from one failed relationship to the next, while estranging your kids from their Dad - mark my words. That kind of irresponsibility is criminal, but unfortunately in this country it is not punished, but rather rewarded.

The ugly truth is that more than 50% of marriages will end in divorce. Nearly 3 out of 4 will be initiated by the woman. The man will get raked over in family court. He will lose the house. He will see his kids 2 out of 14 days (if the ex doesn't level unsubstantiated "abuse" claims.) He will be forced to hand over 40-50% of his take-home pay. If he loses his job due to illness or downsizing, the State will toss him in jail. While jailed the arrearage will grow and the state will charge interest. The State will revoke his driver's and professional licenses, make him virtually unemployable.

If you were to take up sky-diving, and the instructor informed you that 65%of the parachutes were defective, would you take the plunge? Your husband is about to get screwed and has done NOTHING WRONG! Have you no concience?

It's for questions just such as yours that I'll stay single, thank you.

nomarriage.com

You of course would get child support, maybe it's time for you to get a job and start making an income. Then there's also letting him know how you feel and seeing if there is some way to fix it. It may not "be cool" to have them in an unhappy household, but don't you think it would be better for them to TRY and make it work??? They are better off with BOTH their parents if it's possible. If that is not posiible, you just need to make the sacrifices you will have to make. Getting a job, possibly needing assistance like welfare b/c that would be really hard with 4 kids on your own. I have 4 kids and stay at home, I couldn't even fathom it. You would be entitled to certain things if you've been married like 10 years, everyone can do anything they want, putting their mind to it, and just doing it.

You need to at least consult a good lawyer, now. A good one will not necessarily charge a fortune and will save you so much heartache and money in the long run. He or she will explain to you all your rights and what you need to do to keep your kids, get child support and get on with your life. Saving phone records is not really going to help. The courts don't care if your spouse cheats. You can get a free consultation which will include information on the specific steps you need to take now even if you are not ready to leave yet. Start by looking up family practice law on line in your area or ask your friends. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help! Everyone will want to help you get out from under his thumb.

Why on earth are you planning to end a marriage where there is no abuse or infidelity involved? Sounds to me like you're just bored and that is no excuse to end a marriage. No marriage is perfect and it won't always be like a honeymoon. Think of your family and how this will affect them. It's time to grow up and make your marriage work. You can't just say "I'm bored now, time to go." Unless your husband is abusive, you have no reason to leave, period.

You will need a job to start with so you can afford a place to live and feed your children plus childcare costs for while you are working. Dont be surprised if he fights you for custody of the children especially if you walk out on him. He is going to be crushed and not only that the children will suffer the consiquences of not haveing their father there. It sounds to me like you are the unhappy one and you are just trying to please yourself, and using your children as an excuse. But I will say this, if you do leave be ready for the worst and know what you are getting into before you leap. Good luck...

You need a counselor and a set up with a Domestic Violence Association near you....if he was burned in marriage before,& the marriage with you is in danger ...he knows something is wrong....Get help from Domestic Violence..he'll go off if you dump him......

If your marriage is over why? have you and hubby had marriage counseling? Have you tried to work it out? if not prepare for a fight when he knows you want to eave him.......Some domestic violence programs will protect you. You also need a lawyer to secure child support, alimony and housing.........

get a job put the kids in daycare and save money. do not listen to these people telling you you need to be married for your kids.. divorce him if you're not happy, period. do not settle.

I would highly recommend marriage counseling. Maybe there is a piece to the puzzle you are missing. For the kids, make a darn good honest effort to repair your marriage.

have you considered maybe you just need to get out of the house? get a job, even part time so that you're not so Dependant on him to make you happy. and if worse comes to worse, get some counsellings together to see why you're feeling this way.