My dad passed away in 2005, my mother remarried a year after.?

So, your dad passed away (my condolences) in '05 and by the year of '07, she has remarried. How long did she start dating after your father died? How was the relationship with your father and mother? Were there fights, arguments, did they ever separate-on the verge of a divorce? What do the other relatives think about this? Did she have some type of a breakdown-or, did she grieve in any way? Was this person she married a family friend of hers (or theirs) or has she known him before she married your dad or was this someone she just met and date?

The reason why I am asking you these questions is because I want to see if you had asked these questions yourself. Maybe your mom does not like to feel lonely and needed to fill in that empty void your father left when he died. There are a lot of people out there that, when a love one dies, they need to find someone in their life because having someone is better then having no one. No matter how good/bad that person may be. now, if he is making her put the pictures down from the wall of you and your children, ask her why. If she keeps avoiding the question, then, go to the extremes. Go to therapy and see if that person can help you out and have your mother visit your kids at YOUR place, instead. But, if she acts coldly to you, then, why submit your kids to her-or him, for that matter? I hope this helps.

Loosing a parent is always devastating and I am sorry for your loss.

Please understand that some people cannot live alone and although your dad can never be replaced her love for him will always be there and her new husband is not replacing him.

With your tone you may have made it hard for her to confide in you. It really doesn't matter if it has been a year or if it had been three it would still be difficult to allow another man in your dads home.

Did your dad run everything?If so it will be what your mother is accustom to.

It is not abnormal to change things in your home when your spouse passes, at times it is needed and I would bet the pictures are in a safe place and will always be cherished.

You will only have one mother in this life and being angry and bitter is waisting precious time that all of you should be spending together.

I do understand your hurt and I am sure so does your mom,but she has to live her life and you should support her wishes as she would yours.

Please take a deep breath and look at the whole picture,not just at yourself.

that is a tough call & the only one able to make it is you. i do not know how i would react to being lied to by a parent, but i do know what its like to have a parent remarry after the death of the other. it is not easy to have a new person step in & take over the roll if the deceased parent. it just feels weird no matter how much you try to ignore it. as far as the counseling goes you do need to go, not because your mother said, because it will help you deal with your feelings. you cant fix your mother you can only fix you. you will also realize life is to short to let some stuff get in the way of enjoyment. ask your self this question: if your mother died tomorrow would you regret the things you have said or haven't said. go to a counseler ,get your feelings in order. your mother may never admit or even realize that she has done you wrong, but you will learn how to feel better about yourself. hope i've been some help & i wish you the very best.

There is always that special relationship between mothers and daughters, they write many books about it.

It is very odd that she would take down your and kids pictures has she taken down anyone elses pictures?

Maybe you should just give her some space and see what happens.

It's odd your other brothers and sisters didn't tell you what was going on. That is a sign that you may be you did do something wrong.

Step back and have a look at your actions it's possible that you are still having trouble dealing with your dads death.

I would get counseling for myself. You need to work through this anger, and I think counseling would help you. I was married in Dec 04. I had a good relationship with my dad. We had words but I called after a few months. He was still angry and later called to tell me he had cancer and was remarried. I was more upset about the marriage then the cancer. We no longer speak, I felt betrayed not only for me but, my mom. Counseling helped me realize that I can not control others but, do not have to let them sh** all over me and take it.

Jade it's unfortunate that you have to go through this. But you really don't know all the circumstances involved. Perhaps your father was having an affair and your mom stuck by him. Perhaps she was having an affair all along and is now free to marry the guy. The point is, you just don't know. However, one thing you do know is that she's a grown woman and you are no longer a child. It's her life and if she wants to marry a man she met last week there isn't anything you can do about it. Yes, you feel bad and yes you want her to be okay, but you have to let her live her own life as you want to live yours. She's your mother, you are not hers. I think it's commendable that you suggested counseling, but if she's not willing, there isn't anything else you can do. Now, with that said, no, I don't think you just have to "accept" how she is. If you don't like it, keep your distance and not like it from afar. If her behavior is not good for your children, you have a right to withhold them from her - at this point THEY should be your paramount concern, not your mom. She made her bed now let her lay in it. Good luck.

You need to go to counseling and realize that you don't run your mother's life and have no control over it. You need to stay out of her business. She is your mother, not the other way around. If this guy makes her happy, so be it. It's not your business. Perhpas the photos came down because they were too much of a reminder of her first husband and she cannot deal with the pain they cause. Maybe she just needs time. Maybe you should get out of her life and get one of your own.

Jade,,

How you are reacting to your mother’s choice in her life is wrong.

Your Mom has completed her grieving process, moved forward with her life, and found happiness. Is that wrong? No it is not everyone has different ways of dealing with the death of a loved one, the main thing is to overcome the grief and move forward with life. Your Dad would not want your Mom to be miserable the rest of her life because he died.

You are still in the grieving process, and are having great difficulty moving forward in your life without your Dad. Get yourself some profession (good!) help to move forward from the point of your Dad dying. Your Dad would not want his death to tear you and your mother’s relationship apart just because he died, Would HE ???

Accept the fact your Mother has moved FORWARD with her Life.

You can move forward with your Life too, or not, It’s completely your choice. If you choose wrong,, you Will at some point regret your choice and you will not be able to change it!!

Step 1.

Tell her you forgive her.

Step 2.

Ask if there is anything you've done to sever this relationship, ask for forgiveness for everything mentioned.

Step 3.

Proceed with a loving relationship with your mother, and pray God will reveal her "wrongs" or change you, one of the two!

Just accept her marriage. She just may be one of those women who are horrifed at the thought of being alone in this world. I would keep my distance from her though I think she has some issues that she needs to address. You did nothing wrong.