Write me a short, funny story with these 14 words;?

In China pigs are widely know for squeezing beer from turnips and beets.

Personally, being from America I prefer ham hogs that grow on rootbeer trees. If you live in Louisiana you may swim in a rice canal and see an occasional root float by that has hair stuck to it. Oftentimes it is NOT a root. It could be waste swept from the local zoo. I don't want to take any more of your time and cause delay so now I'll throw you the ball.

The carrot is a root. It sadly grows on a tree. The tree was displayed in the local zoo, but everyone kept throwing beer cans at it. Some people call it the "rootbeer tree". Yesterday I got a root canal. It hurt like a pig scratching me. Then somebody threw a ball at a dog when I came out of the dentist. When I came out, my hair was spiked. It looked like a turnip got thrown at it. I think a turnip looks like a beet, or maybe ham. or hogs. Why is China so weird? Cause it was born that way.

I don't know if this will be funny,but I'll give it a whirl.

Zeke was having root canal work.After being at the dentist Zeke went to a zoo in China.He bought a rootbeer there.Suddenley everybody was screaming but Zeke didn't know what about.He turned around and saw nothing but then he looked up and there was a pig eating a turnip in a tree!The pig jumped down on Zeke and started eating his hair.Luckily Zeke had a field hockey ball in his pocket and he threw it at the pig,so the pig stopped attacking him.He left the zoo and had a beer and then a beet.And after that he went to his friends Louis and Fred's house a.k.a. The Ham Hogs cause he felt like it.

The End

i went to the zoo to see the hog from china. but when i came to the exhibit, a tree was in my way way. things didn't get much better. as I turned around, I tripped on a root. then, i got hit by a random flying turnip. there was no one around... atleast no humans.but who could have trown a beet, i mean turnip. It was the pig from the other exhibit. this was a bad day. to make things worse, it started to rain, and a canal formed. i knew something bad would happen. but this time, it was wierder than bad. a huge ball of hair came flying my way. i ducked, but unfortuntely slipped and fell in the canal. my day was really depressing, so i went home and had a beer, but not just any beer, rootbeer! that night, i had a dream where ham and hogs started to attack me. who knew that just a simple trip to the zoo could cause so much trouble.

My husband and I took the kids - China and Hamhogs - to the Love Canal Zoo & Museum. We sat under a tree to drink a beer (the kids had root beer) before we went to the wild pig exhibit - Hamhogs likes to gnaw on the stray pieces of turnip - when China tripped on a root and messed up her hair! We all laughed at her 'cause she turned red as a beet. We had a ball!

ok , i have a pig china is her name who loves root,, beet, and the odd turnip, So, we took a walk down the ole canal then decide to go to a zoo, ''why we come here to see your german pal hair hogs'' (they saved him from being ham)... ''Of course thats a good cause'', so they both celebrated with a root beer and had a game of ball in the park which then hit a tree which went into the canal,,,

i had a rootbeer today at a zoo in china while i was there i saw hamhogs they had alot of hair there was a tree and it had a big root some people had turnips we took a canal to see the pink fat pig i got a free ball other people were also drinking beer this kid got beat in a race..................i dont know if i got all the words in there but atleast i tried

If you are easily offended, don't read this.

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a pig in a blanket like he does every day. He stays to watch the ball game has a few too many and walks out. All of the sudden, jesus appears before him. The man is stunned and asks jesus a few questions. "What creature do you love the most?", "Why did you come here? and "What country do you love the most?" Jesus replies, "Pig", "I want to go to the zoo", and "China". The man is confused and asks, I thought you loved each and every creature the same. Jesus Replies, I like pig because of their delicious ham and beautiful hogs. The man is still stunned and askes "I thought you were a vegitarian." Jesus Replies, NO, I hate all things that come from roots like trees and turips. My hair doesn't let me eat any of that stuff. I am going around the world seeing zoos and canals for the cause. The man asks "what cause?" Jesus says "listen, just get off my back, I am just Jesus." The man says "why the HELLO should I?" Jesus goes, you want to bring it up with my dad? The man says "YES, I would so very much". The man suddenly dies. He comes up to hevan and brings up Jesus with god and complains that Jesus killed him. The man said "how can you let Jesus kill me?" God says "how can Jesus killl you. He has been dead for over 2000 years if you haven't noticed, besides you drink too much, but I might give you a shot in hevan if you can awnser this one simple question "Do you like beet juice?" THe man goes Hello - o no!" God says O so u want to go to hello - o? THe man goes "yes i would". So god sends the man to hello-o. The devil sees him arrive. THe man goes "now I am truly in heaven." The devil confused asks "this place is supposed to punish you, not reward you." The man says " just being away from god is good enough for me." THe devil says "is that so?" The man gets sent back to heaven and meets god again. The man is given a rootbeer from god. THe man says "is there an alcoholic beer instead?" God says, this is a dry heaven no beer, no sports, no meat. The man says "No I am truly in Hell. God DAMMIT!

sorry if this might offend some of you.