How can I help my husband into today, when he's still living in the past?

Question

My husband treats me like his maid.  He has it in his mind that a woman's place is to take care of everything, no matter what it may be. We both work, I usually bring home more money than him, but he thinks he's in control of me.  Until recently, I was working three jobs to make ends meet.  I now work only two of those jobs.  Monday, he quit his only  ob.  So, he's home all day, not doing anything much, so why can't he clean the house or cook the damn supper?  He constantly yells and condemns me for not keeping the house to his satisfaction.  He tells me I'm not a good mother or wife.  He expects me to work and take care of our two kids, the bills, and him like I'm frigging superwoman!   I can't take his constant berating.  I'm tired of it.  I used to give in and give up, but now I'll argue right back.  Why does he feel the need to make me feel bad all the time?  I know its his way of controlling me, how do I convince him to stop before I totally have to kick his a**?

nailgal2005 · Accepted Answer

Why are you still there? If you are able to take care of your entire family,as your husband must think since he quit his job,then what is keeping you from leaving, or better yet, kicking his no good butt to the curb!?
I'm all for working on a relationship but there is no reason to stay and be verbally abused and taken advantage of.
Leave now, if you wait too long and support him, you'll have to pay spousal support to him to support him in" the manner to which he has become accustomed!"

momfirst101 · Answer

Sorry to tell you this, but he is in control of you.  Worse than that, he is totally playing you.  He is being so difficult so that your highest expectations of him will be to stay home with the kids and help with dinner on occasion without even working a full-time job anymore! He is living in the present, in a reality which the two of you have co-created.  You seriously need to leave him.  Better yet, kick him out.  Never let a man yell at you.

Maria M · Answer

My dear where is your self esteem? Did you have to work very hard for your parents love and never got it? Is this why you find this behavior acceptable. Baby girl, it really sounds like you don't need this guy. He is the one not pulling his weight and he knows it. He compensates by making "you" feel inadequate. Get some help. He is not the one that needs changing - you are. You can't make him change, you can only change yourself. You should start by not taking his crap. And if he doesn't appreciate you soon and start holdig his end of the relationship, then consider your options. But deal with you first - because there is something off skew there.

Shay Shay · Answer

My first husband was exactly like this and I worked multiple jobs too.

I eventually divorced the bast*rd and i've never been happier.  I found my soulmate in just a few years and he's awesome.  Helps with the laundry, does ALL the yardwork (amazing to watch since I used to do it all) and does the dishes.  He even cooks dinner 1/2 the time and actually loves it!

Dump the a**hole and get yourself a great guy who will deserve you and treat you like a queen.

Anonymous · Answer

Why'd you marry this loser in the first place? Divorce and marry a real man. It'll give your children a better role model to grow up to.

SweetGal · Answer

He's not even worthy of being kicked by you.  I would leave him now....I don't know how you have stayed with him.  Good luck to you,  honey, you can do so much better!

derekheavilin · Answer

give him a bj in the morning that will put him in a good mood

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How can I help my husband into today, when he's still living in the past?

6 Answers