My son-in law made a secret date with his ex-girlfriend. My daughter found out. Now what?

Uh...Secret Date...the only Secret Date that a married man should have is a suprise for his wife...or his daughter because it is soo cute...

The fact that he felt that he needed to keep it a secret means...CHEATING...Can you trust someone like that? Probably not. What was his reasoning for keeping it a secret? Is hse justified in saying never talk to or see that woman again? Absolutely. He says that will be hard because she is friends with his friends? Too Bad...He screwed up...not her and he needs to fix it. Is it an effort that he needs to make...uh...yeah. When you make a mistake part of the apology is the atonement...He needs to make the effort or get his *** out of her life. People do not deserve to be cheated on and lied to...if you do not want to be called a cheater either 1. Do not cheat or 2. Stay single and then you are just a player...either way he needs to man up and take real responsibility for his actions.

Totally depends.

What kind of 'date' was it? If he really truly cares for your daughter, he'd NOT make the secret date with his ex in the first place. But some guys do that. Revisit the past to confirm what they actually have at the present. Your daughter must be hurt and upset. And she has every right to be.

Find out all that you can about the 'date'. Some exes turn out to be really good friends in the end because they too have spent time with them and so understand them a little. It's kind of like a back-up support system. Only without romantic intimacy. Hubbies have their wives to thank for that.

If your daughter and her hubby have been together more than a few years (i.e. 2 yrs excluding dating), they probably need an entire week off and have a holiday. By having a getaway, they're more aware of themselves as a team. Within a team, you need trust. And apparently, there's not enough of that going around with this couple. They need to learn that they can't do many things without affecting the other person. There'd be no TV, no Computer, no stress. That way, they can focus on each other and any issues they can try to resolve between them.

If they've been married only a few months up to a year, things just aren't easy getting used to. Here you are, sharing your house, your room and essentially your life with someone who you don't REALLY 100% know. It really needs some getting used to. Some guys need more time(and I really emphasize on this point) to actually realize that they're married. Chained to a rock as some bachelors might say.

Your daughter is NOT going to live without any doubts about her marital relationship forever. It's your son-in-law's job to bury those doubts one by one. The ceremony and process of getting married is and always will be the easiest part. Staying married, through good and bad is the hardest.

Good luck to both of them. God Bless.

P.S. An entire week's vacation is always a good thing every now and then. If they don't want to spend, supply the accomodation for them. It doesn't have to be expensive or extravagant. It just has to be quiet,peaceful and romantic.

It was probably not a secret date, but a friend gathering, and was made secret because your daughter told him that he can never ever see or talk to her again. I understand

1. She's his wife. but ,1a. She cant tell him who to be friends with "she's not his mother"

2. He has a history with her. but 2a. She should discuss this not be bossy because it might 2b. send him back to his EX. who 2c. Happily moved to the side and said despite it all lets be friends.

3. Your just the mother in-law, Stay out of it. I know it's hard but your head has no parts in your daughter marriage.

Sorry, and have a good day

First off he's married so he shouldn't be having any secret dates! I went through this with my husband and his ex several times!. The thing is the first time was a few years ago and I thought he stopped until this April when I found out he was secretly talking to her on the internet, calling and planning dates behind my back since January 31st! Your daughter needs to out her foot! Tell her to give him the choice of making new friends or losing her! She doesn't deserve this!

It's not about the ex, if your daughter can't trust her husband to be faithful, she needs to deal with that instead of giving him orders. He's a grown man, he can "see" her - meaning out in a group - but if he's making dates with her, that's his problem, not the ex's. She needs to talk to him, tell him to make things right. If he loves her, he'll avoid the ex, and the group, for a while just to prove his love and committment. If he's unwilling to do that, then some serious issues are at hand and she may need to let him follow is tail. Good luck to you all.

I say that this guy is a cheat and would have followed through with his plan had your daughter not caught him. He can not be trusted and ex girlfriend cannot be trusted either. I think your daughter is going to have a rough time staying married to this guy and she better brace herself for more to come in the future. If this ex is involved with his group of friends and he wanted to stay in my life he would have to disassociate with the whole group of friends and could not have contact with them. He would have to do this in order that there is no further contact what so ever with the ex. The husband broke the trust now and she will spend probably the rest of her relationship looking over her shoulder looking for him to cheat. If It were me I would feel that he did not love me if he was going to go out on me with his ex. I don't think I could ever feel the same about the two of us ever again. I would be hurt and devastated and I don't know that he could ever make it up to me? How could he after knowing he would betray me and our marriage? I would feel just awfull and heart broken but I think I would pull on all the support and love around me and move on with out him because if he could do this to me that would tell me everything about his commitment and his character. I just could not trust him anymore and with that you have nothing!! Sorry that is what I would have to say.

If someone wants to reconnect with an old friend and they are now married their spouse should be included. He screwed up big time, chalk it up to the ignorance of youth. He should have zero contact with this other woman unless his wife is included.

Now mom, you need to instruct your daughter in how these things work. It is never a good idea to share marital woes with a parent. Your daughter may forgive him and you may never be able to. Once disparaging words are said they can never be taken back. This should be handled by her alone.

Give her you best motherly advice without getting in the middle. She will have to make up her own mind however remind your daughter that you form your opinion about her husband by her input ie. Don't be suprised if you to eventually hate him because all she ever tells you are the bad things. Some things are better left in the marriage and not for the families input. Ultimately it is the two of them who will or will not have to live with each other.

Nope, no good thing can come from this. If he can't remove this ex from his life, the marriage won't last. He needs to be mature enough to either find another way to hang out with the 'acceptable' friends, or break ties altogether. If his friends really care about his marriage, they will help to keep them apart. More than likely, though, he needs to grow up and separate himself from this. The damage may already be done, unfortunately.

Something doesnt sound right here. If she is just a friend why all the sneaking around? It seems this friend is more imporant then his marriage. Both seriously need to sit and talk about their marriage and get to the bottom of what is really going on. Ladies always listen to your gut feeling it never fails you..