differing parenting styles among friends?

"just don't want her telling me I'm wrong for reading to and playing with my baby"

That is all you have to say to her when she degrades your parenting style.

"We we have different views upon parenting. I don't want to be told I am wrong on mine when I it is going great with my son; as you don't want to be told you are wrong as you feel it is going great with your daughter".

Just say you disagree and to please not attack your parenting. If she doesn't stop, I seriously would re-consider her motives and her friendship. Friend's don't do such things like that, especially asked to stop and she won't.

In the end, reality will show that I feel (as other child development researchers, authors and teachers) is uneducational to her child's development.

It's absolutely important to nurture your child, and research after research will back you up on that. As an elementary school teacher, it's extremely easy to figure out which kids weren't (and still aren't) read to- they're the ones struggling in ALL academic areas. I think that so much of who we are is based on how we're raised. As a trend towards practically smothering children with friendship (as opposed to being a parent) gets stronger and stronger in our society, I can see why a parent might think the complete opposite would be beneficial. The fact of the matter is that a happy medium of the two extremes is what produces a happy and healthy child.

I don't know if there is a way to gently disagree with your friend other than to just say that you have different approaches to parenting. It almost seems like you have a responsibility to set her straight for the sake of her child, lol. If you feel very strongly about it, check out some child psychology books from your local library. You'll be able to find all kinds of research to support your side of the argument. Having basic needs met isn't the only thing a person needs. The very simple concept of the hierarchy of needs might do your friend some good. I've posted a link to a quick Wikipedia overview.

Reading, playing with, nurturing, interacting with your child is so important for helping teach them about human interaction, give and take, connecting with other human beings. Humans are social beings, this type of thing is vital for us.

If your friend is insisting that you don't need to do those things, why not just tell her that you enjoy playing with your baby, you get just as much out of it as he does. Tell her that the highlight of your day is the togetherness time you spend with your son, and while you understand that her daughter is very independent and self contained as a result of her parenting, you feel that he has the rest of his life to be independant, but only a few short years to be a baby and only a few more years beyond that in which he actually will WANT you there for everything, so you are going to grab every chance you get to store up this closeness to tide you over when he is a teenager and starts to fly the nest.

Yes, I am old school. I don't have any children at home now but even so I see or know children and I am at times in shock at the parenting style I have to see. I am the person who thinks "are you going to allow that to go on" or "poor little guy, always being yelled at and never told a nice thought". So, I believe in taking the time to be their parent not their friend, they have friends of their own, they need guidance and love.

I think it's very important to get down on the floor and play with them. Reading to them is very educational and can help them learn to speak and read faster and better. How can somebody have a baby and just not do anything until something bad happens. They are probably doing it to get some attention. I'm with you, I don't agree with what she is doing. Kids need all the nurture they can get to feel loved and enjoy life.

You really never eve have to go there with her. Just try to adopt the attitude of "you do your thing and I'll do mine"; after a while, she won't have any need to correct you on what she thinks you're doing wrong, and you'll feel less like screaming at what you wish she'd do.

I absolutely agree with the principles of nurturing, and I'm proud to say that I do my level best in that area for both of my kids. That being said, I know many mothers who are not interested in their children to the extent that I'm interested in mine, and while that used to infuriate me (and occasionally still does), I can mostly let it go.

What did it for me was that my cousin, whom I love dearly, has two little ones, the oldest of whom is 3 1/2. She spanks, and has spanked for a long time. It took me a bit to digest that, but...not my business. I don't believe in physical punishment, so I don't hit my kids. She and her hubby do. i can either alienate her by making it an issue, or I can love her and her kids when I 'm with them, and let the rest of it go.

It just feels so much better to let go.

Well, to be securely independent, a child does need to be nurtured. Interaction with a child helps build social skills and even brain development. Helps build self of steam because they have confidence of knowing that they can do certain things. Sounds to me like your friend did not bond with her baby for one reason or another or is lazy. You do what feels good to you. I read to my daughter since birth-infact before that. I don't know if it has anything to do with her being gifted but it certainly is great for bonding. Good luck to you!

Well the way you raise the child does impact their future. Yes if you read and nuture your child it can help them in schoool and understand you better. It can help their intelligence standing. But there is a down side a maturey of kids who have parents that nuture them tend to nuture them there whole life and then the kids when it gets older might hang on to the parent and might not actually appearence that independecnce that is needed. Then there also that kids feel that parent is to close and they may want to escape this leads to them doing wrong alot of times hanging around in the wrong clowds. But leaving your child alone as they grow up and letting them becoming independence might make the child feel neglected or that they can't come to you for certain things it could make them feel that you might not really like them. There should be a balance between nuturing and freedom.

I'm with you on this one!

I heard a lot of criticism after my son was born because I rocked him to sleep, I picked him up whenever he cried, I read to him, sang to him, cuddled him from day one! I never bought in to this idea of "spoiling" your baby with attention, it's just not possible. Today my son is 17 months and he is very independent. He insists on feeding himself, he happily plays independently with his toys while I am cooking meals/cleaning, he never wants to be carried and he falls asleep easily on his own each night.

A nurtured child is a well adjusted child. They feel secure and safe in their home and that gives them the confidence to explore their independence.

i think this is definitely important, and there are ways to make ur child more independent but in different ways than ur friend is doing. you can give ur son the freedom to choose his own outfit(as long as its somewhat appropriate lol), so u are already showing him a way to be independent. it may be small, but its still an important step. and also, if u were to do a garage sale, you could say to ur son "pick out the things you dont want in ur room and help me put them outside to sell for other kids to enjoy them", so that he feels he is independent and like he has the power to make decisions. it is a progressive thing.......