Some sage advice for a friend?

Question

My best friend was in an interracial relationship with a man for 8 years and they were very much in love. 

They never met one another's families - although they were together constantly, he never even introduced her to his teenage daughter.

After the daughter got married my friend decided it was time to move the relationship to the next level or move on and told him so.

He said he needed time to think about that. She said if after 8 years he still couldn't decide, his time had run out and she broke it off.

That was 6 years ago.  

She won't admit it, but in relationships with other men never found anyone to make her "feel the way he did".   

Recently she sent him an email and learned that he is living with someone yet he remembered all the things that they once shared.  

He has been to her home twice since then.

She thinks that she can be friends with this man who says he needs her in his life.  

I think he's full of BS. 

What do you think?

What advice can I give her?

sonnyboy · Accepted Answer

I agree.He's full of B.S.
I don't know why it took her 8 yrs. to get rid of him.After several months I'd have expected to meet his family and have him meet mine.Very strange indeed!!!
He'll use her and continue living with the other woman.She needs to open up her eyes and face reality now.
She likely never gave other men a chance because she compared them all to him.You can't do that.Everyone is their own person and she likely lost out on some great guys.SAD.

oatesmokid · Answer

I can't advize her the same is going on with me.But I haven't had in person contact and doing all possible to prevent.I dig  up all the things that went on that were hurtful, lies told, negelect any negetive .This way I woul'nt romantize him and make him into something he isn't.One big clue is he did'nt E-mail  back she did.I called first he had no idea on how to  find me.Hope she realizes these feelings may always be there, but won't change him one bit. I'd back of far enough to see the forest and the trees. Fortunately she dose'nt have a husband now. She won't unless he steps up to the plate.

Tricia R · Answer

The key for me is that he has been to her home twice, and she thinks they can be "friends".  
I think he's interested in a friends with benefits situation.  In my experience, that means that a male and female are having sex, she is very into him and probably hoping that it evolves into a romantic relationship, and he is using her for sex, may or may not have another girlfriend, but has no intention of having a romantic relationship with her.
Good luck to your friend.

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Some sage advice for a friend?

3 Answers