Poison - thoughts?

The poem is excellent. It's got a great internal struggle with it, and it's dark yet beautiful. I don't know if you play any instruments, but if you could adapt this into a song it would be beautiful. If you've never heard of the band Evanescence, you should listen to them for some composing ideas if you do decide to make this a song. Their music style would go great with your poem. Once again, it's beautiful, and it seems compassionate, not cold. Like it came from your heart. It was very good.

The second guy gave a little bad advice.the reason you wrote that poem has a meaning.It's not a literal poison but emotional.I could really connect with that poem.I know what it feels like to have the feeling your being eaten away and dying because something is weighing you down.Writing dark or emotional poetry does not make you depressed sometimes it means you could connect with your words or maybe you are not in that position but understand what they are going through.

It's not terrible, but neither is it a good work. It's too choppy, and rambles too much. Try writing happier, it will probably come out better. Dark death poetry should only be written by those who have truly suffered through horrendous atrocities, and can actually feel what they are writing. Practice will make you better, and don't go out and find yourself some suffering just to write better dark stuff. just kidding. Keep trying, and I'll keep telling you how you're doing.

Its filled with dark, mysterious emotion.....ur poem is pretty good

It's very dark and evocative.