Do I let my son join the Boy Scouts?

My sons also received fliers last week for Scouts (they're six) and asked about it. I feel much as you do about their policies regarding homosexuality and I decided long ago they wouldn't join. I didn't explain homophobia to them but I did tell them why I didn't want them to join. I basically told them that the club didn't accept everyone and I didn't think it was very nice that some people are told they can't join. We talked about how it would hurt their feelings if someone made a club and told them they couldn't join if they had, say, brown hair or green eyes. They understood (I think). I also keep them busy in other activities, like soccer or Judo, so they get that sort of social teamwork experience. It's a shame that the Boy Scouts adopts such a sad policy because they exclude more than those they're trying to in the process.

And on the second part, I don't believe the Scouts should be allowed in the school. They are obviously a religiously based group and they don't belong in the PS system.

This is a tough one. It's mostly likely your son won't be exposed to their anti-homosexual sentiments. (which DO exist, at least in the US, despite the people who seem to be oblivious to it. Homosexual scout master ridiculed and kicked out, remember that? If that isn't homophobic behavior I don't know what is!) I would have a serious problem giving money in the form of dues to an organization that has such "values" even knowing the money was mostly supporting activities my son was participating in.

I would not try to explain the concept of homophobia. I don't know your son but every six year old boy I've known would have a hard time wrapping their mind around that concept. If you feel your son could understand it then try. If it were me, I would not lie to my son and simply say I don't have time. But keep what you tell him simple; you don't agree with some of the thing the organization believes or the group doesn't allow certain people and you don't think that's fair. But try to make him understand the difference between the group at his school and the larger organization, you don't want him to have any trouble with the boys that do join. Then see if there is another group or activity he would like to join.

Eventually your son will be old enough to understand fully why you are against this and will understand.

First off the boy scouts are religious based but they do not force any one religion so scouts are free to pick and choose and believe what they want. Second there are child protection laws that all scout leaders abide by protecting your son from any mis conduct or weirdos that are around. I would let him join as scouts is a wonderful opportunity for your son to meet new friends, learn new skills and leadership abilities when he is older. Scouting is a great program which your son can learn much from. It is also a pity that as you say it still discriminates but there is the scouting for all organization that allows anyone to join. As well scouts has kind of adopted a do not ask do not tell policy, which is not perfect of course but a start. This discrimination is not taught though only acceptance and you can make sure you teach your child that they should accept everyone as who they are.

I must say your child is very lucky to have such an understanding and wonderful mother who sees the world as equal and with non judgmental eyes

This is not a stupid question at all. I think considering boy scouts is a christian organization, it is not unreasonable at all that you would not want your son to join. Pesonally, I would not want my children to be involved in any christian organization either. Although boy scouts do tend to provide good leadership skills and good moral behavior, as well as other beneficial educational experiances, it does not mean that this is the only way they can get that knowlage. Don't listen to people who tell you that your son will be missing out on leadership skills and so on. That is not the only place he can learn those things. There was once a time when parents actually tought their children these things themselves. So, be a good father and teach your son these life skills yourself. This is a far better approach in my opinion because he will learn what you want and the way you want. This gives you supervision over what he learns about these important issues. It is far more important for your son to learn these things from you, then from some organized religious group, which gathers young boys together and keeps them out of the direct supervision of their parents. If you tell your son that the boy scout organization is nothing but bad people, then he is going to develope a curriosity that may make him want to join them afterall. It is probably best that you don't say anything about the organization unless he asks. Focus on teaching him those things the way you want him to learn them from the beginning. That way when he asks, you can tell him that they do not have anything to offer him that you havn't already tought him. It will seem pretty boring to him if there is nothing new to do or learn. If he insists on joining, then do some research on other local groups that you find would be more apropriot to your beliefs. Give him other choices and tell him that since the boy scouts is a religious group that you may not believe in, then you would rather him join something else. Give him choices that you aprove of, and accept what decision he makes. He has to have your permision in the end to join, so you don't have to worry about him doing it behind your back.

I don't know what Scouts is like where you are, but here in the UK it's for everyone, Christian or not. There are Scout groups all over the world - my daughter's Jewish Israeli penfriend is one. The UK recently held an international jamboree for Scouts from all over the world, all races and beliefs, to get together in a spirit of friendship and co-operation. I'd be hard put to think of a less exclusionary group from my experience of it.

I do not think the school should be allowed to pass out literature for intolerant organisations, but are you sure that's what they are doing? If your local group is like that though, then no I would not let your son join. And I would explain to him that it's because you think it's wrong that the group would not let (insert the name of a non-Christian child) join just because of what he and his family believe, and try to find him a different, more tolerant group to join.

I had the same feelings that you did, when my son came of age for scouts. I struggled with it, too, but ended up letting him join.

The discrimination & intolerance exist at the corporate level - way up high. They don't exist in the handbooks or, for the most part, in the local leadership. And, if your son's leaders don't echo values that you can embrace, well - why not be a den leader yourself?

For me, it came down to the memories of my own father as a troop leader, 30 years before my son was even born. I know my father to be a good, tolerant, loving, kind man, despite the fact that he was a boy scout leader for years & years. The BSA may have rules that are exclusionary in theory, but in practice, on the local level, the troops reflect the values & goals of the community where they originate.

I didn't realise that Scouts were like that (I live in Australia, perhaps it's different over here). Is it definite that they are discriminatory or unwelcoming toward various religions and minorities? If they are it's something you will definitely need to think about.

There are obviously pros and cons, and even at six your son will be starting to learn that sometimes in life we encounter and work with people who have different opinions to our own.

However, he is only six, and it's really up to you to decide if being a part of this organisation, and to some extent, what they stand for, will directly conflict the values and beliefs that you as his mother are teaching him. If you don't want him to join, is there any other options that offer similar activities and experiences for him? Maybe there are some after school clubs or other organised activities you could look into for him.

Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what is best for him, I'm sure he would end up being fine if he didn't join.

As for the school issuing literature, I guess it's one of those things that are out there which are up to the parents to decide whether or not they think it's appropriate for their child.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Well, I think Boy Scouts is great. My daughter does Girl Scouts and my son is joining a BS pack next week. That being said, don't let your son join ANYTHING that you are morally opposed to. You don't have to explain why - I certainly wouldn't explain homophobia to a six year old. Just tell him you don't want him to join and you will find another activity.

I went through similar issues with my son. I never knew the boy scouts were so religion-based. I never let my son join, and he's perfectly content now. I don't think you need to worry about explaining homophobia to your son. Put your foot down and tell your son no, that you don't have time for the meetings, or whatever. Maybe he can take swimming lessons, or something else instead.

First of all.. where does homophobia come into this?

Second.. what's the harm in letting your son join? I'm sure that they don't sit around the campfire telling 6 year old children that christians are bad and homosexuals are going to hell (I'm still confused as to what this has to do with your son joining boy scouts)..

All I know is that I was a Girl Guide when I was a kid, and so were all my sisters. I learnt alot of stuff that I might not have otherwise learnt, I made friends, I had fun. When the time comes for my kids to be able to CHOOSE to join boy scouts, I'm going to let them because the experince that they're going to get out of it is going to be one of the most rewarding experiences that they're going to have.

No one can tell you wether or not to LET your kid join boy scouts.. but when you do make the choice, if you say no to someone who wants to do something, it's going to have to be YOU that explains the outrageous reasons that you don't want him to be a part of it. .. have fun with that one.