Please help! My wife died 5 months ago and I think I've isolated myself. How do I fix this?

no u have not become a hermit you are greif stricken.try coucelling ,do not let people around u decide what is best for you and do things for you as u willbecome dependent.u will need to face every day living and experiences again.if some one invites u out go you will not be disrespecting your late wifes memory or even be unfaithful .even if u stay a little while and leave at least u would have socialised.little steps like this are agood thing and gets your mind focused on everyday things.you say you have a child be a good dad and u will get a greater reward in the long run.try to join voluntry groups for the elderly or kids see the other side.the worst thing we can do is wallow in self pity it is destructive.be brave and get up dust off and rejoin life your wife won't mind really.best wishes

No you havent become a hermit! It has only been 5 months, I mean lets face it, you will never really get over this, but you can move forward and do whats best for you and your daughter. I really do recomend some family therapy, and in time life will become easier. And of course your depressed, its only been a short time since you lost your wife. And please dont get involved with another woman for at least two years, you need time to learn how to adjust to life without your wife, the reason I say this to you is because many men and women leap into a new relationship after their spouse passes out of the need for companionship and lonliness, this wont fix the problem, it actually would make it worse. So I recomend that you keep going forward, and working out at the gym is a plus! But come on 10-12 hours? How do you find the time for your daughter? Get on the phone today and set up a appointment for one on one help with a therapist. And good luck to you!

Your wife didn't just leave you, but a daughter too. And now it sounds like your also leaving the daughter! 10 to 12 hours a day in a gym? WHY? When does the baby get any time with you?

Your not a hermit, you just have your grief over taking the good part of you.

Stop with so many hours at the gym and take care of the baby!! SHE needs you now more than anything!

You'll start excepting invitations out again when your heart and soul are ready. But until then be the father that you are!

Dear,

I'm sorry for you loss. 5 month is a short time you need to give you self more time. I advise instead going to gym and doing hard exercise do some gentel exercise like yoga which contains more meditation. Right now you're not ready to have a relationship and this is very normal that you don't want to be in a group of friends where you may feel lonly while seeing couples flirting together.

So go out alone. Go to some park, nature, I mean pure nature if you can take a week off and go out of the town in to mountains or jongle to sea side. enjoy your self but don't drink try to meditate. Don't listen to sad songs but also don't listen to heavy metal themes as well. I advise Kenny G, Yanni or other meditating and happy songs.

after a while doing this make new friends those who doesn't know about your past.

you mentioned that you have a child, But why you don't spend life her. You can seek your wife in her. She will be the dady's little doughter. Plus kids brings happiness, when you play with them you forgot everything.

Give your self more time. At this time you need more me time. read books, relax, don't go for sleeping peels, don't drink at all and let your nerves heal from the shock you got.

This is important not to think about you wife at this time. Don't worry you won't forget her you will remember all good things about her later on, but now you shouldn't think about her. make your mind bussy when ever you start think about her, try not to remember her, remove all thing that makes you remembering those times.

Do not be come a workoholic, all you need is rest and peace to heal and get ready for another wonderful relation.

If you need to talk more contact me: bestdesigndxb@yahoo.com

Oh, don't be too harsh on yourself.

5 months are nothing really. Give yourself some time to see things clearly and understand what happened, how you feel.

You're bound to feel contradicting emotions. They are already not easy to understand at the best of times!!!

Just take it a day at a time.

I remember thinking : why are people talking about going through a difficult stage when you get separated. I am feeling great, it's fab. Then just a few weeks later, I fell to pieces.

Crying, not standing being left alone, etc...

So, the grieving process is different for everybody, and pain can hit you at any time, any where.

The best thing to do, is not to try and contain it.

You'll have to face it, acknowledge it.

For now, just take it easy. xxxx

Feel free to email me any time. Kc.xxx

Sorry for your loss.

You know though that many people I've known who have had a loss or divorce usually took about a year where they just stayed home and didn't go out. It was sort of a way to normalize themselves again.

Gradually they started doing things again and things are fine.

Maybe you could do something at your house and invite a couple people over instead of them asking you to go out.

You could do something simple like get bags of chips n salsa and watch sports on t.v. one evening. :)

This way you don't need to leave the house, and they also feel you're okay and they get to hang with you. You on the other hand get to socialize and not completely cut yourself off from the world. :)

5 months ago? when my dad died i was in the gym everyday for hours. well you are not depressed but not very happy. you are sad. you want to be by yourself i think and maybe you think it's not right to 'party' when she's dead.

but you know these things are so hard we prefer not to feel anything at all. (denial). i suggest you find a nice person to talk and that person better has a diploma on psychology because right now... i don't think friends can provide what you need. gym is good. fine. takes your anger out.

but one day you might have to talk about it.

friends mean well and have opinions. but they can't really help you ; you have to help yourself and get some grief counselling. just do it for the child, if not for yourself. good luck honey

I don't think that you need help. Instead you need time to grieve and be alone and get your thoughts together. By the way I am very sorry for your loss. There isn't anything I can say to you to help you really but I sure wish there was something I could do to help. Hang in there. Life will look better eventually. Hold on to your daughter very tightly. (smile)

First of all sorry for your loss. Secondly, you don't get over a loss like that, so give it time. nobody should expect you to do things because you still need to know how to go further without her. It also takes time to create a stable environment for your daugher and you need to be able to combine that with work. See, all these kind of things take time and lots of efford. If you feel like you are getting lonely, seak for help. if you ask others to help you with certain tasks you won't be alone so often and I'm sure people would already love to help you with simple things. I don't know how old your daughter is but if she's ready to go to daycare you should try to get to know other parents as well. That might be your way back into society. you can get to know other people and potential friends. but please, don't rush things. you need time and time will bring you back into a social life.

it has only been 5 months....i think you are still in mourning. Just go about your days, and do not be afraid to feel sad...grieve on your own time and do not let other people tell you when to stop grieving. your friends/family may want to help you, but you got to let them know what you feel.

if you need to be alone, do so, the pain of losing someone takes time to heal. But then, do not always dwell on pain...on your own time, think about your future and your baby's future.

"A tree could not stop its leaves from falling, but it should remain standing........so that other leaves will grow on it"

you are not a hermit, you are just not ready YET. Let GOd and Time heal you first, then you yourself can tell if you are ready or not.