Mom and Step Dad versus Dad and Step Mom??

I taught a teacher's child last year, and it was extremely difficult. Being a professional educator, I honestly think she found it HARDER to recognize problems in her own child. It took the majority of the year to convince her that something just wasn't right with her child. Blame was definitely put on us (the teachers) rather than admitting that the child needed additional help that wasn't being provided. Maybe I'm wrong, but I have a good feeling that's what's happening here. If everyone (including teachers) except Mom say it's apples and Mom says it's oranges, she'll eventually have to come around and admit that it's apples.

If I were your husband, I'd tell her in a polite but firm manner that despite any shortcomings the teacher may have, you still expect more from your son and will choose to discipline him when he's with you. It's time to meet as one big happy family group at school and discuss what can be done to help your step son. Good luck!

I agree with you 100%. I would make some sort of dinner plans with all 4 of you (how wonderful) and all of you sit down and discuss this. Maybe if his mother sees her husband, her son's father and step-mother all gathered together in his best interest she might change the way she is seeing things some. I would suggest a dinner of sorts with some wine so she does not feel cornered try to keep it light hearted. I would say that the 4 of you standing together right now is the most important thing you can do for you son. Once the 4 of you are woking together then you can begin to foucs on his grades. As for his grades I would ask him what happened. He is obiviously an intelligent child and these grades are not the norm. I would speak to him and see if there was something that could be done. My daughter is pretty much a straight A student as well and when she brought home a few bad grades we talked with her and she admitted that she felt over confident and didn't study. She was very upset because she knows she damaged her GPA and I would be surprised if it happened again.

Stand strong! I agree with you whole heartedly.

You have the right to take away things that distract the child from doing his work to the best of his ability.

Unfortunately you cannot make his mother do the same. You can only set an example of what is right and try to combat her excuses when he is at your house.

Of course you can conference with the teacher and find out what the teacher in question is like. You might find there is some truth in that.

Good luck! Extended families are tough!

You guys sound like me and my husband when our kids get grades we won't put up with.

However, I threw a mega fit on my daughter for a grade she got on her report card. Grounded her, etc. Anyway, after some research (talking to other moms) and viewing layout of classroom I realized some of the reason she had gotten a less than stellar grade was in fact the teachers fault. I felt kind of bad after that.

You should at least check into it. Ask other parents if their kids are having trouble understanding this teacher. Find out if it is mostly group work. See if they getting enough time on assignments. All these factor in. Good Luck.

you said the step mom is a teacher, is she friends with your son's teacher?

How are they punishments affecting your son? When this happened with my daughter we started by taking the TV away and then went after the phone when we did not see an improvement in a week. I think you might be hashing out too much punishment at once. Have you talked with him and asked what he feels might be affecting his grades?

wow i feel sorry for the mothers students if she puts this much blame on the sons teacher. and as a teacher she should know good study habits and shouldnt allow her son to watch tv during it. maybe she needs a parent to come to her and blame her for their sons bad grades, since shes a teacher, she must be to blame for all her failing students lol. anyway, i dont know if there is a solution as far as what you can do. just keep up the good work with what you are doing on your end. she will just have to wake up and realize shes wrong.

I think all four of you are putting this child up for failure. The mom and dad are the only ones to be in on this. (no steps) They need to talk to his teacher. Then they need to make some decisions on what to do.

I do think that taking everything away from him is not a good idea.

I agree in taking things away from him. But has anyone sat down with him to see what he doesn't get? I don't necessarily agree with mom that its the teachers fault. But you just need to be careful that you don't put too much on him or he will end up hating school and then your in big trouble. Good luck to you!

I agree with you and your husband. My stepson had the same problem when he got his grades. We took everything away. Even though his mom didnt take everything away. When he came to our home. He did homework and studied like he was suppose to and now his grades are coming up. We explained to him how important school was and he understands. He also understands his mom is just setting him up for failure and she isnt one bit ashamed to tell you this. She could care less. So good luck with the situation I know how you feel.

If you want to get anywhere at all, you need to make peace with your step-son's mum first. While there's a war going on, not only is it bad for your step-son but she won't budge (even if she comes round to your way of thinking) as it would be an insult to her pride.