Why are people surprised by death?

Even though people are aware that death is a part of life, most still find it hard to cope with, especially when it is someone who is close to them. The thought of never seeing that person again, for some, is completely devestating no matter how long they had to prepare for it. It isn't that they are 'suprised', it is that they had not completely come to terms with it, or tryed not to, and when it finally does come, it is hard to cope with.

I'm okay with it... but it still sucks.

Right now, I'm waiting to learn if a friend will survive from a 4-story fall. It's grim, to say the least. She's 22 and I'm not surprised per se, but I'm kind of pissed because it was so unnecessary (it was either because she was drunk, or because she was drunk and suicidal... and some of us think there might be an abusive boyfriend in the picture, so any way it went down, it was preventable). And I'm sad because I miss her and know she's in pain. Her family has requested privacy, so I can't go visit, but she's in a coma and unrecognizeable anyway. I wish I could let her hear my voice telling her she's loved, but it would get in the doctors' and nurses' way and her family needs their privacy and I respect that. So death? It sucks, and it just is.

I don't think anyone is ever prepared fully for something like this. The elderly, well, I almost think (and this is coming from my experience losing my elderly grandmother and cat) that after a number of "possible end of life events" (which is what they call an illness that may lead to the death of an elderly person) and recoveries therefrom, you start to become over-confident and think "Oh, they'll beat this again." Then they don't and you sit there wondering "well, why this time?"

But it does happen and it is how it is meant to be. I don't think you're jaded. Just realistic and well adjusted.

I'm with you. I feel the same way. When my grandfather died at the age of 78, from a heart attack, after having heart trouble for at least 30 years, my mother and grandmother could barely function. They were tearing themselves apart, in such shock over his death.

Meanwhile, while I missed him, I was stunned by their reactions. He was 78. If I live to 78, I'll be amazed. None of us are guaranteed even one day, so 28,470 of them is pretty amazing in my book.

I think many people are unprepared because they don't see death as a natural thing. They view it as a tragedy. But it's not. The moment we draw breath, we are headed for death. Ignoring that fact is what causes the anguish people have over the inevitable end.

Because most people don't look at death anymore. It's been sanitized and pushed away from our view. Old folks are put in nursing homes were people don't have to see their own mortality. What surprises me more is that I know a lot of Pagans who celebrate the Wheel of Life and yet cannot deal with the idea of death when it is all part of that cycle. It's like they can only accept it when it isn't happening within their own lives. I can't tell you how many healing requests I've received that start with something like "help heal my grandma she's 93 years old, her heart/liver/lungs are shutting down, she has pneumonia, both legs amputated as a result of diabetes...."

Healing is one thing - miracles are another. And isn't it better if granny is given peace in death rather than a tortured shell of existence????

We are all, at least unconsciously, afraid of death, and the idea is suppressed deep down - that's how we cope with a lot of things. I suppose since we try not to consciously think about death, and many of us succeed, we live our day-by-day lives thinking it will go on forever. And death shocks us, because it's really reality biting us in the ***. It tells us we are only mortal animals. We don't like reality; we even make up things to give us false comfort in things like death. Most religions offer some sort of afterlife.

I find myself in what you said ... I am totally unprepared for death and I wonder if I ever will be prepared for it... I keep thinking about it like it's something that has centuries to wait for me. It is true, I am stil young, I wouldn't expect to die tomorrow or not even in 20 years. However, age has nothing to do with it in reality. Death can come in any moment

With regard to predictable death -- for example someone who had a terminal illness -- it's taboo to talk about them dying even if it's right on the horizon. I think that even translates into being taboo to think about, so you don't mentally prepare yourself for it to happen.

That isn't to say it's always how it works. My mom (a nurse) took off work to care for her dying mother. She (my grandmother) had fought off cancer for a long time, but eventually the remissions went away and it spread all through her body.

After she finally went, there wasn't as much weeping as you might expect, partly because in a way we had already gone through it. I had felt her loss when she didn't recognize me or her daughter, or her husband in the room (she had Alzheimer's too). Over the course of her death, I think most of my family really did get prepared. When she did die, it was said, but it was also a relief, both for her and for us.

I've been working at a nursing home for years, Even without subscribing to a religion I find a great warmth being with somone when they pass. I know a lot of my co-workers get very uneasy handling bodies, to me it's the most fullfilling part of the job. These are people I've grown very attatched to so I always feel honored being with them at the end.

I think it's because as a culture we've separated ourselves so far from death, mainly. Think about it: even a hundred years ago, most people lived in more rural communities and they washed and buried their dead *themselves*. That's a pretty strong thing, you know? It's hard to avoid thinking about death if you have to bury your own grandmother.

Another thing is that we don't kill the animals we eat. This too, separates us from death. If you only buy your steak from the store, you have no connection to the animal it came from. It makes death all too easy to sweep under the rug, as it were.

Lastly, with deaths from childbirth so much lower because of modern science, and with so many childhood diseases now being easily treatable and/or immunizable (probably not a word) people get separated from death. If, a hundred years ago, you had 12 children and 4 of them died, death would be a constant reality to you. That kind of thing happens very rarely now in our culture. I'm sure in third world countries, death is very much more real.

I think all of this is sad in terms of how separated from death we've become. I think it's very hard to understand many spiritual issues when you're separated from death. Please don't misunderstand me. It's awesome that death from childbirth and childhood disease is so much less. It's amazing that most women now survive childbirth. But it's sad that as a culture we no longer understand death. How then are we to understand the deep spiritual truths that come with understanding death?

I was not prepared when my brother died at such a young age considering the meds he was taken were working. I also was not prepared when my dad died this year. I talked with him that Sunday and he was fine only to get a phone call saying he passed away that Thursday. When my poppy died my husband helped me to prepare my self considering he had so many strokes and heart attacks and he was in the hospital. I will have to say that you have a wonderful outlook on life and that is awesome!!!