How to handle a beligerent alcoholic at holiday dinner?

There is no way you should be expected to deal with someone that is going to act that way in your home on a holiday.

This is definitely a "put your foot down" issue. You were kind of stuck dealing with the father-in-law, but there is no way you should have to deal with it from a brother-in-law.

Set some conditions like, if he's drunk he has to leave, if he gets drunk he has to leave and he can't bring his own booze. Let your husband tell that to his sister and make them agree to it before they come over. If they won't agree to it - tell them they can't come.

This should really be between your husband and his sister and you have every right to expect your husband to take your issue seriously and to be on your side.

Maybe you could just un-invite them and make it clear that the alcoholic behavior is no longer acceptable. From experience I would say you will have no luck asking them not to drink. And your husband is wrong, you should be able to enjoy your holiday without some out-of-control, obnoxious drunk ruining it.

You will be able to look forward to a nice Christmas if you eliminate these people from the festivities. Everyone else will probably enjoy the holiday more also.

I grew up in the disease of alcoholism. Many family dinners were ruined and lots of feelings were hurt.

I would suggest you attend an Al-Anon meeting in your area, it will be a gift to yourself I can assure you.

The number ought to be in your phone book or contact www.al-anon.alateen.org for info

(Al-Anon is for families and friends of those with drinking problems)

This disease is one I am totally powerless over, and I have learnt that it is their problem not mine.

I know that might not answer your immediate issue, however, it will give you so much insight into what you can do for youself.

"You are no longer alone"

Good Luck

daria12

Either do not serve any alcohol on this holiday and prohibit it from your home (let everyone know beforehand) or UNINVITE the drunken brother in law.. and let him know why he's not invited.

You don't have to have chaos in your house if you don't wish to... set some limits and boundaries in your life.. You are letting people walk all over you by inviting this sort of behavior into your home.

Why expose yourself to it at all?

I would recommend reading the book "Codependent no more" to start.

I am in recovery myself and you are not wrong to feel the way you feel. If your relative is in relapse he will understand the word boundaries. Set your boundaries for the issue and stick to them. The longer you enable him the longer he is going to think it is OK to treat your family that way. My family quite inviting me and it helped me in the long run.

If you can't uninvite him there is really no solution. I deal with family members I cannot stand by not being within two miles of them during the holidays.

Ask you sister in-law to remove her dunk husband.

It will embarrass her, and she will take “care of it” better than you could.

I would stay out of it directly. Don’t confront him or piss him off, it could make things much worse.

At some point, you may uninvited them.

so don't serve any booze at all. if everyone has an issue with no booze, then maybe there is more than 1 problem drinker

Please read the book "Co-dependent No More."