Cold Shower discipline or abuse?

While this probably doesn't fall under the umbrella of physical abuse this is certainly emotional abuse. It also widely over steps the bounds of a step parent. You should consider seeing a counselor, and having your daughters talk to one too. They can suggest any further actions and confirm or assuage your fears. If this is happening with your 12 yo I wonder what's happening with the 6yo.

My mother used to make me take cold baths as a punishment when I was younger (one of the many "creative" and abusive punishments she used) and to this day I am still aghast that anyone would do something as such to someone they love. I remember hating her after and being so cold that I thought I would never stop shivering. It was emotionally scarring. Making someone take a cold shower may not fall under the definition of physical abuse but that does not make it an acceptable punishment. You guys need to get together and come up with some punishments you can agree on and let your daughter know you are all in agreement. Good Luck :)

So, she gets "....pretty snotty" with you and its all right? Apparently they have a system that works and you don't. Its not abuse unless her core temperature falls and she's hypothermic - most unlikely.

Teenage girls are often angry about the dumbest things. You and your ex- need to develop a solid front and be consistant.

Respect for adults needs to be part of that front.

If you 12 year old is beyond your control now, what will you do in 2-3 years.

Wow thats totally out of line and borderline child abuse, I was 17 when my mom did that to me for coming home at 2 AM drunk ... needless to say I never disrespected my mother like that again

that is way over the top for a step parent it is abuse, haven't you been reading about water torture in the news. i myself would let her make the decision if she wants to go to her dads she is old enough to say no, let me tell you that i had the wicked witch for a stepmother and she tried to mold me into something i wasn't. any no she wont forget ever she may forgive but never forget. someone needs to be the adult here and it is you good luck honey

I would probably do that as punishment on a few conditions.

1. They would be naked with a parent of the same gender present. WIth clothes on I don't imagine it could get too cold or be an effective punishment.

2. There would be a time limit. I.E. "You have to be in the shower for 2 minutes"

3. I would not forcibly drag them in. I think thats the issue.

But I think its a good "settling down" technique. I think a little humiliation is not bad either if the behavior calls for it. I've known 2 people who had similar experience.

Male: When being admonished by his father for something really bad (vandalism, theft) was forced to be in his underwear

Girl: While being scolded by her mother was standing naked from the waist down in front of her.

My male friend seemed upset by the memory but my female friend said she gets it now and would do it with her children. She said dressed and being scolded she never listened. Once the new punishment started she felt embarassed and exposed, even though it was only her mom, and it caused her to appreciate the situation and listen

I think revoking privilages and making them do obnoxious house work seems to be much more effective. I think it's borderline abuse... what's next??? drinking bleach??? locking her in a closet?

I'd knock the **** out of that woman for doing that to my kid. My stepmom used to do **** like that to me all the time and i'm surprised my mom didnt fully put her in the hospital.

Definately abuse! and if it were me I would be pushing ex's spouse in the cold shower!

I think I would call the police. Thas so horrible your child had to go through that. Total abuse... how about doing it back to her (the spouse)???