I need help from someone that works with difficult children.?

Interesting question...

I work in Special Ed with lots of ADD/ADHD kids. I have come to believe that kids with this "disorder" are merely more evolved humans. Think about it - ADHD and ADD didn't exist until the computer age. The farther we get into it, the more our kids use technology, the quicker their brains process information, the more ADD/ADHD shows up. Of course, his lying might be a product of his relationship with his druggie mom - I'd cut some slack with that. The kid's only 6...

I don't believe that there is a "disorder" or "handicap" called ADD/ADHD. I do believe, however, that there are millions of kids whose brains process information faster and who become "bored" and "hyper" more easily than children who do not have the same evolutionary progress. For this reason, medications are irrelevant. How can you medicate evolution?? That's why the double dose of Ritalin did nothing.

My suggestion - find a way (or ask the school to find a way) to make his learning process more dynamic and fast. Use computers as much as possible. Compare the topic you are working with to something that he understands. Find computer programs that he can use. Don't underestimate his abilities - he probably understands a lot more intellectually than you and the school thinks he does.

Finally, don't expect him to fit into a mold that was created back in the 50s. Learning is dynamic and what worked 50 years ago isn't going to work now. Support him emotionally and give him interpersonal relationship training (how to talk to girls, what to do if you are talking to someone and he/she says something you don't like, etc.).

Asking a kid like this to have a good day is useless. Ask him - in the moment - to make the right decision. Ask him to decide to work out a problem in 5 minutes. Then, 5 minutes from now, remind him that he agreed to do the problem. If he agrees and does the work, then slowly extend the time period. Patience and an understanding of time is not something that kids in the computer age really have a grasp of....

Good luck!

Regards,

CDeon

ADHD is difficult to work with because it limits a child's impulse control. Getting them to work on it is difficult because they're children, and work is a bad word to most kids. This young man absolutely needs very clear structure in his life, to help him know limits and to help him feel safer when he's feeling out of control. He also needs some intense physical activity every single day. His diet should be examined to see if there are any food triggers for him, such as caffiene or sugar or dyes. Video games would make an excellent reward system for good behavior. My grandson is mildly ADHD and we reward him with stickers for good days (he has a sheet that the teacher fills out every day that tells us his oveall behavior). When he gets enough stickers he comes over to Nana's house (that's me) for a party night. I try to make it a big affair with pizza and board games and video games. This is really a problem that you need to work with the mother on too, and I agree, he should be seeing a specialist in this. It is possible, although I won't venture a guess at how probable, that he could eventually do without medication at all. That would be ideal, but I realize it isn't always possible, even with diet and lifestyle changes.

With lying, I think constant reward for telling the truth helps. I had to give my son (and still at age 7) somewhat of a free card if he told the truth...just so he gets into the habit of it and isn't so afraid to speak it.

Maybe the ritalin doesn't work because he doesn't have adhd. I had a friend whose child only needed to learn coping skills. It was hard to teach, but the more skills he learned in how to deal with life, the better he was.

He could be mentioning his school because knowing that information and stating it gives him comfort that he knows *something* in his world. His school is his stability. He might also be desperately seeking kudos for knowing something. Spice it up and ask him crazy things about his school next time...like 'do you seen any elephants in your school?' It at least breaks up the monotony and gets him thinking.

What does he do in class to get into trouble. I know you said he has issues focusing, but what is it that gets him into trouble. My son would forget to follow the rules and throw fits when he got into trouble, making the situation worse. Although he was in the correct grade level, he learns faster than the teacher can teach. True, he wasn't focusing on her, because he already got the point. Does he show other gifted characteristics? It is unfortunate that he had to be held back.

We had to limit my son's use of video games and had to reinforce that it was a privilege not a given. Many times he had to wait until the weekend to play.

How is he uncoordinated? My son is just now able to ride a bike (almost 8 yrs old) and still has trouble with handwriting. But, he can manipulate legos and transformers with ease.

Is this child going to a proper pediatrician/psychiatrist? Some pediatricians really don't have the knowledge for children in this particular situation. Sounds as if, and I am not either of the above mentioned, there may be some other underlying problems. The Ritalin doesn't sound as if it is working for the child's best interest. The video games need to be limited, use as a reward. I work with abuse reactive children and see this a lot. We definitely limit their video games and keep them active with other activities. It will be hard trust me. But please persuade the mother or caregiver to get this child into a specialist.

This sounds exactly like my stepbrother. My stepdad took him off all medications, not advised by his Dr but by me, i've dealt with my own child with different issues, he had petit maul seizures at 18months. Dr did a spinal, ct scan, and various other tests and nothing came out as being abnormal. I did alot of reading, searching, and investigating alternative methods and organic options. I completely changed my childs diet that now consists of only organic foods, my son now 15 has never, ever, had soda or Mcdonalds therefore no fast food. If ever her got sick we would turn to the people that worked the vitamin dept at any organic whole foods store/market, wild oats etc, never a Trader Joes. My Stepdad decided to give it a try, for him and him alone it has worked. Although he needed to do cleansings, such as metal cleans, kidney, colon, whole body cleanse, parasite cleans,

etc all through an organic market. And then read any and all Kevin Trudeaus' books and researched alternative methods dealing with ADHD....Give it a try by researching first and working with an all natural practioner......The results were amazing....In both my son and stepbrother, we learned they had severe food allergies...Both are fine and living drug free lives and are living productively...

You know the problem with kids these days is they have nothing positive to focus they're energy on, i noticed especially with ADHD. I think the time he spends playing Videogames should be used for maybe joining a youth sports team. It builds social skill, confidence, and discipline. Maybe if he is interested in a certain sport, it would be a good idea to get him involved. A constructive hobby might not cure the problem, but i bet it will dramtically improve his behavior.

With a child like this you need to establish discipline in their life. He needs to be on a strict schedule with certain amounts of time for different activites. This will keep him from having som much time to get in trouble. Also finding a hobby that he likes would be a good way to curve some of that negative energy. Playing video games is not going to help him in anyway, he needs to be doing activities that will make him think- reading, puzzles, etc.

the kid seems a bit slow from what you say or it could be his meds are making him dopey and uncoordinated. he could also be messed up from his mother being a junkie and having a messed up family life.

maybe you need to sit the family down and have serious words. the kid is going to end up in juvi in a couple of years.

why havent child services taken the kid?

Sounds like this young man needs a lot of love and attention. Embrace him and be a supportive person for him. Remember, he didn't ask his parents to do this to him...they chose to put those chemicals in his body...not it is people like us trying to make a difference. Pray for him, love him, and be there for him.

Hello Nick,

I just discovered your question and I have the same problem with my kid I am mentoring.

He also suffers from ADHD but he is 15 ( almost 16 ) but quite small for his age ( physical and mental ).

He is a great kid, smart and with quite an amazing talent and creative.

He creates all those little figures and mask that tells a story of its own...plus the fact that he is very imaginative in creating stories ( he even used to write those ).

He is very focused on those ideas, but of course has some troubles with the real world ( school and his family responsibilities ). Plus keeping his room in order.

But that is not really whats worrying me, recently ( he is now in full bloom in his puberty ) he developed a more hyper phase ( hormones, might subside soon ) where he is more aggressive and insulting with drastic tendencies to violence and crime.

He steals, insults, smokes pot ( and even buys one ), he lies and being violent aggressive to his fellow class mates and family ( and me ).

I was trying to give him options what to do.....we go out on a playground so he can romp around to exhaust himself, just have some fun to unwind.

Then I was trying to slowly direct him to his responsibilities and his family ( doing home work, washing the dishes or tidying his room ).

I was trying to reward him for every successful task he completed.

Sometimes it works wonders!

But then the "evil" part in him comes out and he expects the rewards before the actual tasks.....and when he s not getting them....MAYHEM and destruction.

Now I am at my loss!

Of course, I am in contact with his mother ( and his useless father ) and his school.

They all say that he needs structure and discipline! Nothing I didnt know!

I am scared for him and his future ( he will soon graduate from school with no or a low final result ), I am scared that he might end up in jail or in the hands of some perv ( he had contact with a perv in the public train on his way home from school ).

I am so worried and desperate!