I need some advise about my wife, can you help?

Question

We have a baby, he sleeps in bed with us and wakes up periodically throughout the night to obtain breast milk. If we aren't tired my wife will lay on the couch and give him breast milk until he falls asleep, then she will get up so that we can spend time together and have a break. When he awakes on the couch and gets breast milk he'll go back to sleep because it is during his normal sleeping hours. He just woke up on the couch and I asked my wife to give him breast milk quickly so that he would remain asleep and she told me that she was eating. So he woke up, when he does this it takes a good hour of rocking to get him back to sleep. Since I'm the only one who can rock him to sleep it angered me that she didn't respond quickly. For some reason she expects me to put him back to sleep and is angery at me because I said that I wouldn't. If she caused his awakening, knows how long it takes to put him back to sleep, and expects me to do it, what gives her the right to be angery at me?

Mike · Accepted Answer

Oh, she's angry for the same reasons you are - too little sleep, lots of new responsibility, less attention from the spouse.  You got the added thing that there are things that she can do for the baby that you can't and that's mega frustrating, but you are in this together.

I put my daughter to sleep a couple of times a night for weeks.  It sucked and was wonderful all at the same time.  Focus on the good bits and be supportive.  It will not last forever and the two of you are in for years of pleasure - and stress.

[edited to add] - wife says you need a checklist of all of the things that keep the baby awake.  I wish I could remember ours but you just check all these things before even trying to put the kid to sleep - fed, dry, warm, no clothing pinching, something like that.  Helps to have a fixed list that you check in order cause when you're really tired you'll miss something.

And, don't be gentle when putting the baby to sleep.  It slept in the womb as your wife walked around.  I used to 'monster walk' up and down the hall with the kid in my arms - nothing put her to sleep faster than all that bouncing.

You'll be fine.

magachispi · Answer

I think your wife will have to get some of her breast  milk in a bottle, so when the baby wakes up on the couch, the milk is ready and you don't have to wait for her.  You also have to train the baby drinking her breast milk from a bottle.  Good Luck!!!

legendofslipperyhollow · Answer

Welcome to parenthood!  This is a time of adjustment and will be stressful at times for both of you.  Realize that your wife has gone through a lot more than you have, throughout the process of becoming parents, and give her as much cooperation and understanding as possible.  On top of everything else she has been through, her hormones are now all out of whack.  Give her time and love; she will eventually become easier to deal with.  In the meantime, try to put her needs ahead of yours.  She will love you for it.

Anonymous · Answer

good grief- your new parents and you are acting like a couple of children. just shut up and quit your whinning. next time you carry the baby for nine months and push it out of the hole the size of your little dick, and than you will be allowed to whine.

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I need some advise about my wife, can you help?

4 Answers