How do I tactfully do this??

Well....although there is no easy way for you to accomplish this without hurting any feelings...there are a few ways you can approach it and maybe avoid any long term damage with these relatives.

1. Be straight with them. Tell them that you don't want anything to ruin your day (don't tell them when it is to avoid a drunken crashing....) and that their behavior at Christmas showed that they were disrespectful toward your family, and you need respect on the most important day of your life.

2. Tell them there's no room for them and that financial constraints are keeping you from inviting everyone.

3. Tell them you want to keep it very very small, and that only a few people are going to be there. (My personal choice...)

4. Tell them there's going to be no alcohol there. (My half sister had a similar situation like this and she said there were only going to be 25 people and no alcohol. She made it sound like a garden party. The people concerned were turned off and didn't show up.)

I hope these helped. I'll think about it some more, and if I come up with anything else, I'll write again. Good luck!

That's a tough one. Personally, I think it's disrespectful of her on a couple of levels. I think that parents with babies/loud children should have the common courtesy to leave their kids at home to begin with. Secondly, I think it's out of line for her to just inform you that she's bringing a baby without asking if you think it would be okay. Weddings are solemn occassions and parents should have enough reverence to ensure that their kids don't cause a scene. Did you let it be known that it was adults only from the beginning? If you did, then that's an easy out.... Just explain that you've asked others not to bring their children and that you don't want to play favorites by allowing her to bring the newborn Tantrum Factory. If that isn't the case, maybe you could have the groom talk to his brother about the matter. Her husband will know best how to make sure the kid stays with someone for the wedding. I'm sure they'll have a much better understanding of things than if you were to talk to her about it. Another thing you could do is send out an e mail (or snail mail if that's how you're communicating with the invited) stating that you and the groom would appreciate people making babysitting arrangements regarding young children for the rehearsal dinner, wedding and reception. If you just plain don't want her there regardless of where the baby is (and that's what it sounds like), your best bet is probably to have the groom talk to his brother if you wish to keep things civil. Any other approach will probably cause an insane amount of drama between you and her. I understand that you're probably okay with the brother coming and he may be able to attend sans troublemaker, but brace yourself for your groom getting upset because the brother will probably not go if his wife is uninvited. Me? I'm quite abrasive when it comes to this type of thing. She'd have never received an invitation and the brother would have been told that he can come if he's alone. I'm getting married in a year or so and there are quite a few people who will not be receiving an invitation because of things like this.

That is a horrible situation you are in but I understand where you are coming from. The way I handled it (I have a very large family as well with a few undesireables.) is when my fiance and I picked a date for the wedding we had a little family meeting. I told the few undesireable family members to either shape up or ship out and they would not be welcome at my wedding if they were going to act like fools and not only ruin my day but embarass the entire family. There was an arguement and I was called not so many nice loving names but my message got across. It's tough love. They know if they show up and cause a scene or act ridiculous I will have them escorted out whether by friends or police. I know it sounds horrible that I had to do it this way but I refuse to let a few bad apples ruin what is suppose to be a happy day. Good Luck to you I wish you the best. :0)

Is it too late to change your plans? I might look into holding this event at a Country Club and require black tie/suit attire. This way the environment will already be uncomfortable for the undesireable group. They might show up for a moment, but will get bored and congregate somewhere else for the duration (probably a local bar.) Maybe could ask the door man to help enforce appropriate dress. (?)

Some might think this too harsh, but what you describe will totally ruin your wedding.

If it ABSOLUTELY has to be at your home, can you tell the people that you DO invite to help monitor the incoming guests? You should not have to tip toe around these druggies. They probably count on you not doing anything about it. Hold your ground and be honest with them about why they are not welcomed.

Consider a destination wedding. It would be more expensive for the guests (and you), but the ones you are close and dear too are more likely to show up, and the ones that aren't invited are pretty much garanteed not to show up. Destination weddings in Hawaii can be a great deal (you've just got to do your research) and then you and your hubby and jump easily to another island and enjoy a honeymoon, while your close family and friends enjoy a vacation in Hawaii! A bit more work, a bit more money, but well worth it for an intimate, memorable wedding day. Congrats and good luck!

Let the truth be known!

It's not a matter of tact, it's a matter of truth.

Look, we all have been put in a position of what to do about relatives that are not the most desirable. The only way to make a clean cut is to tell the individuals that they are not invited for "insert reason here" and let go at that. If it causes grief, then you have to live with it. When the individuals that were not invited grow up, they will look back and know that you had good reason.

Look at it this way.... Once they know your opinion, you don't have to worry about it at Christmas, or any other event.

A difficult position to be in. If you just invite a few people, others in the family may hear about it and show up anyway.

You might want to "head them off at the pass" by sending an announcement, rather than an invitation, of the fact that you got married. Perhaps someone else in your family could host a get-together later for the family.

LOL sounds like we are related to some of the same people! I know what you are talking about. Well you could consider inviting the people you are closer to, and consider having a small gathering at a hall or something...a separate reception. I know you want your ceremony to be special. It sounds like a lot of trouble, but that may be the only way to keep everyone happy. And i am sure the family that is invited will completly understand, and they will prolly appreciate it! Good luck and congrats!

I would ask a really assertive third party, like your mother or bridesmaid, to speak firmly with the undesirable potential guests and explain that their past behaviour has made you think twice about inviting them. If they are shocked and apologetic, the third party could advise that they are will be invited on the condition that they not bring uninvited guests and not drink alcohol. If they are belligerant and confrontational then the third party can say "you have just demonstrated my point, and i'm afraid you will not be included in the wedding". Good luck- hope it goes smoothly.

Yuk, hard place to be. I would invite the guests you want. The group of nieces and nephews who have not developed proper social skills, I would first talk to the proud mom of this crew. She probably already knows but either in denial or too embarrassed to openly admit. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you don't want to offend her, and if you choose to invite them, they are not to bring any additional guests, are to be civil, and if they do not act appropriately, RSVP with regrets, or they will be asked to leave. If mom decides it is a package deal and they are to come or she won't, well she made the choice for you, and consider her RSVP as sorry I will not be able to attend, but have a wonderful day. The rest of the family will probably support you and your decision. I am sure your other guests will also.

It is your day...enjoy it. You can always share your day later with pictures and videos.

Congrats!