Should I stay or should I go?

Question

I need some advice from impartial people so I am posting this here. 

I am from the USA and have been in Ankara, Turkey since August 2007. I am here on a teacher exchange program. I am teaching at a private high school here. A Turkish teacher from the school here is taking my place back in the US, where I teach ESL at a public high school. The exchange program is just for the 2007-08 school year and we will return to our own jobs in the fall. 

To make a long story as short as possible, I am miserable teaching here. The students at this private school are horrible. They are by far the worst I have ever encountered in my 13 years of teaching. I cannot teach, but am just a babysitter, and a very ineffective one at that. To make matters worse, I have a horrendous schedule. I teach 25 hours a week, 5 different levels, and 10 different classes of students. Although most of the other English teachers at the school here have about as many teaching hours, nobody teaches as many levels or classes of students as I do. I guess they wanted as many students as possible to "benefit" from a native speaker. 

Back in early November, I had tearfully told my department chair here how unhappy I am. She said she would think about what could be done to help me. I have discussed my problems with her at least twice more since our initial conversation. Well, nothing was ever done. I had thought she would set up a meeting with the principal to discuss my issues, but no. 

I had also talked with S., the person in charge at the exchange program's office here about my terrible schedule back in September, and she said I would get used to it. Then a few weeks later in October, when I went to the office again to pick up some reimbursement money, I was hoping to discuss my problems with S. but she left as soon as I came. (She had known I was coming that day, by the way.) Then on December 14, I went to the office again to participate in interviewing the Turkish candidates for next year's exchange program. I told S. everything and how I was thinking about terminating the exchange and going home. She said that she would arrange a meeting with my department chair and principal to discuss all the problems and see about getting my teaching load reduced for the second term. Well, five weeks have passed and still no meeting has been held. 

This past Thursday was really the breaking point for me. I'm ashamed to admit that one class got me so upset that I cried in front of them. In thirteen years of teaching, students have never made me cry in front of them before. I went home Thursday afternoon and cried some more, and stayed home Friday and cried even more. I think I've been having a nervous breakdown! And I'm ashamed to go back to school next week after crying in front of students there. 

Since I have not received the support I need from either the school or the exchange program's office here in Turkey, I have been contemplating terminating the exchange, since the first semester here is just about over, and returning to my job and home in the US. Thursday night I contacted the exchange program's office in the US and they told me to think it over this weekend and be sure it's really what I want to do. Since it is an exchange, my exchange partner in the US would most likely have to return here, and I'm almost positive she won't want to do that. I had set up things very well for her at the American school, finding many people to support her. Unfortunately she did not reciprocate for me here. 

I also want to stress that homesickness is not the issue. I have lived abroad before, both studying in France and also volunteering in sub-Saharan Africa for two years. I like Turkey well enough, but the teaching conditions here are awful. 

I'm normally not a quitter, but I really am overwhelmed and don't know if staying here through June would be good for my mental health when I have been feeling so miserable ever since I started teaching here. 

The one benefit of finshing the exchange and staying here through June would be saving some money. I get paid my US salary from my home school. But here I do not have to pay rent, as the school provides me with a (not very nice) apartment and they take care of utilities too, except phone and Internet. My exchange partner is living in my apartment in the States, and we had agreed to split the rent for it and she pays the utilities there. I'm definitely not spending as much in Turkey as I would at home, and have been paying off my credit card debt. I'm almost finished with that and would be able to save up some money during the last few months here. But, the question I ask myself, is saving up some moeny worth the crap I have to deal with here and what it's doing to my mental health? 

Thank you so much for reading this. I wanted the opinions of people who don't have a personal interest in either keeping me here or having me come home.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

First of all, they want you to stay, because it would be too difficult for them to replace you at this point.  Go in and tell them that you will leave unless some things are changed.  Get back into the classroom, and don't let the students get to you...remind yourself, that it is only a job, and if they choose NOT to learn, then so be it.  You will still get paid, they are the ones losing out.  Be strong, and try to stay out the year...it would be very complicated and costly to go home now.  Just count down the days...Good luck!!!

P G · Answer

So, there is no possible way to make it to June?

- Can you return to your job/school in the US?
- Can you get your apartment back?
- If you go back what would be the consequences professionally (does it depend on the reason)?

Would either scenario make your stay tolerable until June?

- What would happen if you took the initiative to cut your hours back (20 hrs, and stop for the week!)? 

or

- Tell them I will teach 'X' number of different levels (lets say what's normal/average)? You pick which levels, and just not do the others.

Either way it would get their attention!  You're ready to walk anyway, what difference would it make?

How many English speaking natives are breaking the doors down to get into this program?

=====================================

I understand your dilemma, you are a professional and a conscientious person.  And no, I don’t think you’re a quitter.


ONE MORE QUESTION:

Any chance that there could be a “family emergency” in the US you have to attend to (you must have geographical proximity)?????

dragon lady · Answer

Others have offered similar advice that I won't say over again.  But, one thing to consider: Is there any way you can "tolerate" teaching there until June?  

You can go in and demand to teach fewer levels, as it doesn't sound as if anyone else is beating down their doors.  But also, is there any way you can develop an attitude that you are going to go in, present an effective lesson, and if the students choose not to learn, you have done your best.  Find the ones who seem to want to learn, move them to the front and focus on meeting their needs.  Address the entire class, but if the others don't come around, you've at least helped someone.  You've had 13 years and teach ESL at a public high school, so it's not like you're totally inexperienced.  

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Ernie · Answer

It sounds very difficult but I cant help but think that you are there for a reason...is there some challenge you are meant to address. Is there someone who's life you are supposed to be touching? 
I dont know if you are a religious person but I would pray about it before giving up. Like you said you arent a quitter. 
You have 5 more months...not that long...
If you go home you will be setting a bad precedent for other teachers and for a program that will likely benefit students. 
What is best for the students? What is best for your school? 
Sorry but I think you should stay...I always tell myself that I can endure something for a year -  any longer and it's not worth it. (some years I have a grueling schedule).

lizzie · Answer

Firstly, I feel for you. I am a teacher here in Australia and find the teaching very challenging. I have had two teacher friends who have done exchanges in England and these not always run smoothly. One of these teachers withdrew from the exchange midway and stayed on in England and travellled in Europe. Obviously, he had the finances to do this. His exchange partner remained at our school for the duration. I am assuming the school in England had to find a replacement teacher for him.
You have a tough decision to make. If you did withdraw, what would you do? Would you return home? Where would you stay and how would you support yourself in the remaining time? How would you continue to meet your share of financial responsibilities, the half rent? What would happen to the apartment in Turkey? Would your exchange partner have to continue to pay for the utilties?
This is such a complicated situation. You really do need to corner the person in charge once you have made up your mind and also talk to family and friends at home.
There doesn't seem to be any positives in this situation for you apart from repaying the credit card bill.
I wish you all the best.

t b · Answer

Well the first thing I would say on this is obviously the students are not interested in learning what you have to offer them.  So if they are not interested in learning, guess what? you will never be able to make them interested.  Isn't that why you are there in the first place, to teach them?  Secondly, the people in the exchange office program sounds like they don't care about how you feel or what you want, if they did care they would of been on the problem from the first time you mentioned the problem to them.  If they wanted you to stay and teach their children they would of bent over backwards to help you.  You know the saying "theres no place like home".  We need wonderful teachers for our children, because good ones are like rare jewels, they should be treated with respect and dignity.  I wish you the best in your decision.

? · Answer

Stay. I like you to stay, CareBears have a very nice azzes. don't know if I'm a perv or not. but I like CareBear butts. but you are also a good questioner and answerer, funny and have cute avatar. although you may turn out to be a man in the basement. or a woman in an office cubicle. Edit: "The an" is a proper grammar, but I wronged it.

nicola278 · Answer

This sounds dreadful.  Is there any way you can contact your exchange partner in the US to ask what her schedule was her last year there?  Have you simply assumed her old schedule or were you dumped on?  That way you would have some more ammunition in your meeting with persons in charge.  

Crying in front of students must be completely humiliating so if you go in next week it will have to be to get the miserable, insolent little so and sos back for pushing you to this point.  You will simply have to stop thinking of them as students that you care about.  This may sound unprofessional but plainly put if they are making your life miserable is there any way you can make their lives miserable?  (I've been teaching nearly 18 years and most of my students love me but if you make my life hard I will pay you back in spades.)    What is acceptable discipline over there?  If they are used to being yelled at, hit or otherwise disciplined forcefully, our Western teaching tactics will not likely work.  Try to find out what the other teachers do to punish naughty students and imitate them.  You do get to give them marks, after all.  Is their English mark at all important to their parents?  (If not, your main ammo is gone.) If it is, mark brutally on some tough (but pedagogically sound) tests.  That may get some parents' attention and the little darlings may start to get pressure from somewhere.  

 You can always try to play a little mantra in your head as you teach them (My credit card bill is going, going, gone) or dream of what your going to do with the money you earn that day after you get out of there.  That may help you keep in perspective the fact that they are just a class of rude kids helping you pay down your bills.  If there are any nice ones, try to pay as much attention to them as possible and as little attention as possible to the rude ones.  

With the prep, although they may be able to assign you many different levels, they can't force you to do many different preps.  Unless the program is so completely scripted that you don't prep anyway but just teach from a text, just double up on the preps.  Teach the same thing to 2 or 3 different levels.  As a native speaker you can probobly teach challenging levels without prepping too many different classes.  If you do have to teach from a text, just wing it.  Have them mark in class as much as possible.  After all, none of these administrators are going to have a long term impact on your career so work from bell to bell and say "to heck with them" outside of that.  Then, find a way to enjoy yourself every evening, even if you spend some money at the spas.  

Try to talk to the person who did this job last year; she may be an unexpected source of imformation.  

After all this, only you can judge how close you are to permanently affecting your mental health.  Nothing would be worth that.

Anonymous · Answer

talk to your union rep. in the states. see what can be done to get you home as soon as a teacher can be assigned to fill in for you. Those students aren't benefiting from you, because there's simply to any of them. You probably have not had the chance to get to know any of them. The fact that your department isn't helping you out means your in a bad situation, not that your a quitter.

jsprite · Answer

I am so sorry to hear about your ordeal.  Knowing that you have studied abroad before, that you are a 13 year veteran of teaching,  tells me that this situation is not beneficial to you.  I really hope what ever you decide works out positively.

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Should I stay or should I go?

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