I'm married and I'm so lonely. My husband is in the military and he's gone alot....?

What did you two do when you first started dating? Maybe you guys enjoyed certain activities, like bowling or something.....try doing things that you two did when you were first dating to bring back that spark and allow you to remember that spark.

Also, they say learning something together is helpful. Try learning to do something-like play golf or take an exotic cooking class. This might provide you with more than just the "neighborly" topics of conversation or the mundane daily husband/wife convo.

I know you are scared about putting yourself out there again, but you have to look at it this way---are you more scared of doing that, or losing him? When you answer that, you will know what you need to do-either way.

I know it is extremely hard to be a military wife, my S.O. is in the military as well. The physical distance can also easily create emotional distance. He may not have PTSD, but when he is deployed, many soldiers do distance themselves so they don't miss home or the people they love so much and it is hard to "un-distance" themselves once they are back.

If you need to talk further, you can email me anytime....

jacquelinebuechler@yahoo.com

Thank you both for your service and god bless....

I would suggest you get marriage counseling. If that is not an option right now try to schedule some date nights where you can go out and have dinner and talk face to face. I know you mentioned you feel drained but you are both going to have to put effort into reconnecting and the first step is talking about it. Maybe if you each have a glass of wine and loosen up a bit you can start to laugh and then at the right moment bring up your concern and ask him if he feels the same.

I would try to get someone to watch the kids and have a weekend with just the two of you. Also contact the chaplin in his unit. They have a program that is a weekend get together thing for married couples to help reconnect. You need to get time with just the two of you so you can find each other again. Maybe you can also set apart time each night for just the two of you, with no talk of kids, work, etc. Maybe watch a movie together and talk. You also need to have a date night at least once a month so you guys can have that intimacy again! Best of luck!

I know how you feel. My husband and i have been married for 13 years...same thing. He works crazy hours. We even take seperate vacations. Last month we went out to dinner alone together. Without any friends or our daughter. We actually talked. It was nice. Unfortunatly we got home that night and he went back to work. I think many people feel this way. Life gets in the way of your marrage. I often times get jealous when I see older couples still in love. I dont think that there is an answer to this.... I just think it is life.

When I was in the service it was hard to get used to being home because I knew that I would just get comfortable being here and I would have to leave again. I would discuss this with your husband and ask him what the two of you could do to become soul mates again. I know that it must be hard for you to be there waiting for him to come home, maybe you could talk to some one that is going through the same situation for support. I'm sorry that you have to feel lonely, I have been there!

13 years is a long time to spend with someone. Are there children in your house? Maybe you should try counseling or just talking seriously to one another. Try to feel out each other...where's he at emotionally? How about you? I realize you feel "drained",but if it's worth working on,then you must muster up the strength somehow. Of course,if you just want out,which is what it sounds like,maybe you should just separate for a while and see what happens,or just get a divorce. But if it were me,and I invested 13 years of my life in a relationship,i'd have to think about it long and hard,and i'd have to know what happened.Think about it-you loved him enough to marry him,didn't you? So...what happened? Try to find out.

My husband is military too, so I sort of know how you feel. Do you guys still have any hobbies or intersts in common? if so, I would suggest getting a baby sitter (if you have kids of course) and going out at least once a month to do something you both enjoy even if its just a movie and dinner. Start dating again basically, you have to get to know each other all over again.

Well you are not always going to be madly in lust

It does wear off

Now you need some common ground

You need to find things you both like to do

Then go do them

or if you have grown apart find separate things to do

and make the best of it.Make friends so you are not so dependant on hubby for entertainment

or call it quits and move on amicably

Wow...my heart goes out to you - your story is not at all uncommon.

I would suggest talking to other military wives to get their perspectives, and also sharing with your husband how you feel, and asking if he is willing to partner with you to address the issue via counseling. If he isn't...then you have to decide if being in a unhappy unfulfilled marriage is worth it for you.

If / when you speak to your husband, be sure to do your best to speak with "I" statements ("I feel that...") versus accusing him of doing / not doing anything. Also, do your very best to express clearly and succinctly what your expectations are - do not assume that he "gets it". Women often assume men think like women...instead you need to make it plain, with actionable objectives, what you want ("I'd like for us to make sure we spend at least 30 minute each day talking about what we may have seen or done each day, so that I feel like I am a part of your life")

Good luck.

i would try marriage counsling for deployment soldiers. Or why dont you join a group that has spouces that are in the miliatry that way you can discuss how you are feeling and they can give you good and infomative things that you and your spouse can do to get reconnected. that is all i can think of hope this helps.