My 19 year old son moved back in. He had an apartment w/ his girlfriend, but their rent got raised & so they?

BigM,

a little "tough love" will go a long way in this case. You are kind enough to give him a place to stay - but, you HAVE to set the guidelines and do this in such a manner that he wants to save and then move out again. I would merely suggest you tell him (based on your situation and ability to discuss with him) that at "such and such" a time during the school week we need it quiet at "this time". This means you can't use the computer, have loud volume on the television, playing games, or having your girlfriend over. I suggest this be extra study time for you if you are home at this hour and not working. Something along this line to begin with, then move to different things dependent upon your situation. As his Mother you have every right to expect he keep his word - this means follow through from you on balances saved - and this means a monthly discussion and review of those balances on paper.

If you don't head in the direction mentioned above then you will likely be forced to assist him longer than what is appropriate. You are not made out of money and he should recognize this and appreciate the temporary assistance you are giving him.

Best of luck!

Gerry

You have every right to nag. This is your life & your apartment. Don't let him walk all over you. You & he needs to sit down & make a plan about how much he's going to give you each month & how much he's going to put into a savings account for his new place. He's got to have some structure to this or he'll end up blowing every paycheck without saving anything. It doesn't take an astronomical amount of money to save up for a down payment on rent, so it really shouldn't take him but a few months if he's responsible about his money. You also need to set some ground rules about how late he stays up & how much of your food he eats. He's old enough to take care of himself & buy his own food, so your two little ones should come first. Don't bend. You aren't being a bad mom by insisting on some rules & guidelines.

You may even want to set a date that he should have moved out by. I hate to say this, but you may want to make sure that he's not taking advantage of the fact that you are his mom. My older & younger sis both did something like this to my mother & I. They moved in "until they could get back on their feet", but then proceeded to take advantage of the fact that they were family. They would eat a lot & not pay anything towards the rent or utilities. Eventually we started putting our feet down & they surprisingly found people to move in with incredibly quickly.

Bravo for you wanting to help him out. If that's what you want to do then that's what should happen. Thing is, he needs to know that you expect him to adhere to certain guidelines. If the rest of the family is in bed by 11:00 PM, then he can't be expected to stay up until 3:00 AM. He needs to be courteous and respect the rules of the house. He also needs to get a job and chip in on the food around your place. Simple as that. Tell him if he can't do these simple little things then he can go live with his girlfriend at her parents' house.

Dear, I have had a similar problem with my son (25). Up until recently he has not worked and guess you paid the bills? My wife and I. We did set up rules about living with us and things that he had to do to help out. Without any rules you are really not doing him any good or making life good for the younger ones. To respect you and the younger kids, Maybe a curfew so everyone could get to sleep or at least being quiet. Explain to him that he is getting so much but you also need to have limits set for the rest of the family. It will work out.

Your son is 19 and supposedly considered an adult. he now lives with you so that says he LIVES by YOUR rules and helps you with the smaller kids or he finds another place to live. He needs to help get the smaller ones down for bed then once he is certain they are asleep he can start moving about again without disturbing them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with him moving home but you need to make him understand just because he has chosen to come home he will need to pitch in and help with not only the groceries but with the utilities. Whatever amount the groceries are now costing you since he has moved back is what he needs to give you extra to cover his food.

The problem is not that he moved back home, but how the two of you are handling it. There are now two adults in the house and you have to remind him that he is one of them. There are responsibilities that he has to assume if he is back home and that includes helping out with the finances (food and at least some rent). He has had a taste of how hard it is to be on his own, so share with him the difficulties you are facing.

I would stress that it is imperative that he find a job, not only for the income, but for the routine that gets him on a schedule of getting up in the morning and going to bed at night. It doesn't have to be a career job, just one that pays, for now. Better jobs will come, as employers would rather hire someone looking to improve themselves rather than someone just looking for a paycheck.

Bottom line, if you allow him to freeload your stress load will increase and eventually it will lead to a blowout. Neither of you want that. Help him get on his feet but be firm.

You need to set a time frame for your son to be out. That way you can remind yourself that its only one or two more months of this and it will be over. Your son is 19 and should be responsible for his own food, you should not have to feed him, have a talk with him about this and things should be fine

BM ~~~~ boo who.. to all these young people who are writing.. stating u should want Ur son around.. u should help Ur son..

they need to get over it,.,.

I am not for helping anyone.. especially my own blood.. but when it comes to them taking me for granted and causing me problems.. it is time to go..

U can't help someone who doesn't want to help them self..

He buys no food.. but takes his girl out????

It is Ur home.. u set the rules.. he may be over 18 but the rules still stand.. it is a bad influence on Ur little kids..

and if he doesn't like it..

well.. there is the door..

Tuff love never hurt anyone to grow up...

good luck

If he's man enough to have a girlfriend and have a relationship with her, he should be man enough to provide for not just himself but also for her.

You're the Mom, not the bank or the community's shelter.

Tough love always works when it comes to children, so make him grow up by sending him to his own place. You already have done your job with him.

It's time to grow up on his own.

Whata cheap son you have , kick his sorry azz out and let him deal with his own problems life is hard but if he does it alone it will make him stronger as a person and build some character