Atheists - When (if) you lost your faith, did you go through a sort of "Five stages of Grieving" deal?

Huh...interesting!

I never really thought about it that much...

But now that I think back, I would say, yes...I did go through those stages, at least to some degree.

My previous "Catholicism" wasn't all that "special" to me, either.

1) Denial:

The "denial" stage...was really what I was in for many years (even, perhaps, my whole life up until college), when I called myself a Catholic. In reality, at heart level...I was a "practical" atheist, if you will. So the "denial" is not so much a denying of God...but a denying that he does not exist on the surface. That is, all my studies...and all my life showed no evidence for a Big Guy in the sky, but I was in denial about this by saying that I did believe in him. Your suggested concept of denial is backwards, and more an example of the acceptance phase.

2) Anger:

Yes. This happened to me in college, though not before. Before, there was some brainwashed "fear" of turning on my vain profession of faith. But, yeah...in college, I got quite angry...for being "duped". I remember the "height" of all my anger one distinct night. I was furious at God and remember looking up in the sky...and then I thought, "how foolish for me to be angry at God! He doesn't even exist!" And then my anger turned towards my parents, and my parents parents, etc, etc...all the way back to whoever started the lie and delusion.

3) Bargining

I think this was manfested in "bargining" with God - "If you would just prove your existance, I would believe in you". Of course, he never did. He never does "prove" himself to anyone who demands it.

4) Depression

I absolutely became patently aware of the meaninglessness of everything...like Ecclesiastes (though I had never read this book of the Bible before). I felt there was no true source of love, joy, and peace...and that we all die and go to nothingness for all eternity, anyway. What difference would it make if I died today, tomorrow, or in 100 years?

Though, I was not clinically depressed. This nihilism was definitely a feeling I had, but not technically "depression"...which is a different thing. But, yes, perhaps I did feel a *bit* sad about the realization that there was no God up there "looking after us"...

5) Acceptance.

It was a very relieving moment for me. God did not exist. I no longer had to "worry" about all the various religions, or being "punished" or trying to "please" a higher power. I didn't have to search anymore for the transcendent...for God did not exist.

I was no longer "bargining"...there was nothing to bargin with. God did not exist. So, there was no way "proof" could be shown to prove the existance of something that was not.

And the meaninglessness of it all passed. Ok - so what. Live and let live. Eat, drink, and be merry...for tomorrow we all die. We live our moment on the stage and then are no more, but might as well enjoy the life we've got.

My "acceptance" of atheism was profoundly relieving....like a HUGE weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

= = =

But as opposed to you (the asker) and other atheists (at least, so far for all of you)...something happened to me later...

After the acceptance phase...I entered into a stage where I decided to read the Bible to prove it wrong to "save" all my family and friends from their irrational fears of "God" and "hell"...etc. I wasn't angry. I wasn't bargining. I wasn't depressed. I just felt so relieved in my acceptance of the truth of atheism, that I decided to share this peace with others by proving atheism to be true. And where to better start than Christianity...because many of my family and friends at least professed to be Christians.

But...when reading through Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John...instead of proving it wrong, God revealed Himself to me.

It was a personal revelation. Not general revelation. But it did come through special revelation.

So, like a light switch turning on...instantaneously, I was a true believer.

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And I STILL hope He will do the same for the asker (and others here in R&S).

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Grace and peace in Christ.

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Almost.

(at the least I can do a reasonable "make-fit" job)

But I'd tend to put the stages earlier.

Denial - "I am NOT having serious doubts. I'm a good, believing Christian."

Anger - "AARRGGH! Why am I finding this so difficult?

If it's true it ought to be clear and obvious! Other people are so happy and untroubled!* "

Bargaining - Prayer, with fasting and tears, asking God for some understanding of how to make everything make sense.

Depression - Have I really been going so wrong for so long?

How can I face my Christian friends? How can I put a new philosophy or worldview together?

Acceptance - Well it looks like I have to give up on theism, if I'm to stay honest with myself, so let's see where this leads.

*I was much fooled, at the time, by the "good fronts" that other Christians put on, (felt they had to put on?)

Although I didn't go through those specific stages, I most definitely went through a loss. At first I was extremely nervous and a little unsettled. Then I started getting more and more disillusioned. When I finally went fully to the 'other side' I felt a strange mixture of freedom, happiness, and sadness. I felt like I had shed my training wheels, and it was a little sad.

Once that sadness faded away (a few days) my excitement over being free to explore all the scientific advances and truths of the universe without the hinderance of a religion was overwhelming. It was such a wonderful feeling. I could honestly explore whatever questions I had in my mind without feeling guilty because it went cross-purposes to Christianity.

I was never angry or depressed. And I don't think when I was a believer I ever had faith in the strong sense of the word; I didn't really think god did miracles and talked to me such. But nevertheless I had a hard time accepting my non-belief for what it was and went through a denial; How can there NOT be a god? For some reason I was reluctant to let go of believing. And aside from the anonymity of Y!A, I haven't really fully embraced my atheism as I'm still in the closet.

I definitely never felt anger, because the people who taught me about God weren't trying to screw me over, they were trying to help me go to Heaven, or whatever. They meant well.

I don't think I ever felt bargaining, either. I never wanted to be left alone, nor did I ever offer to leave anyone else's faith alone. My atheism grew out of my desire to question everything--my own faith, and everyone else's, too.

I never felt depression about atheism, either. It was actually very refreshing, reviving, liberating. No more being scared of Hell or if I'm committing sin or if God loves me. The worst depression I have ever felt in life was when I was praying for God to fix it rather than fixing it myself.

Acceptance.. hmm. I have accepted being an atheist because I know it is the only way for me and I am much more comforted by truth than I am by made up stories. Acceptance of religion is something I'll have to work on for the rest of my life.

I didn't so much have a loss of faith experience as a 'never quite got on board' experience. I was raised Catholic and just kind of went along with the rituals and assorted duties as a child. The trouble started in CCD classes. I kept asking "How do you know?" and a lot of other questions and never got answers that satisfied me. As I got older and learned more about the Bible it just became impossible to follow and support the Catholic religion and stomach all the hypocrisy.

It didn't happen succinctly like that, but I did experience pangs of each of those things and not necessarily in that order or to as strong of a degree as may be expressed above. (No nihilism with my slight depression -- if you could even really call it depression)

I think it really depends on to what degree we are indoctrinated though. I happen to be one that was indoctrinated thoroughly and regularly, so the conversion to atheism was at times "uncomfortable" to say the least.

But I feel none of those things now. Just free. Really true free.

No, although Julia Sweeney in "Letting Go of God" describes a similar process. She also had to re-grieve her dead relatives whom she had thought she would see again in heaven.

Personally, I thought this through and found it much more satisfying intellectually, but there was no grief associated with it because I didn't consider it a loss, but simply a maturing moment, much like learning to balance my checkbook or learn to drive. I don't grieve the time of not balancing or driving, but simply move into the time when this is the way that life makes sense.

I don't remember going through two of the stages (anger & bargaining). The Depression stage was a doozy, though.

<edit>I started questioning my religion at the age of 8. I don't really remember much before I hit the depression stage (age 16), to be truthful.

I never really had a strong faith but I suppose I sort of went through some stuff as I gave up the possibility of God. I had to rearrange what life and death meant to me and how it impacted me. I'm sure I went through most of the five steps though.

And yes, it is nice to do whatever I want with my Sundays.

I didn't.

In fact, I don't even know if I ever really believed or if I was just going through the motions.

I was Roman Catholic til I was about 18, then I just stopped believing. It was really moving away from my family that did it, I just didn't go to church and I didn't need religion.

My depression was caused by relationship problems and totally unrelated to religion, in fact religion would have exaccerbated my problems.

Right now I feel happy and free.