For all of those who have lost a loved one in their family or friends?

I lost my dad when I was 15; he was 37 years old. Losing a loved one, whether a family member or a friend, is never a quick or easy process, and for some it may take longer to accept the loss, grieve, and then finally come to a point where they realize they have to move on. For me, that period took almost 10 years.

Shortly before my dad had passed on, mere days before he was admitted into the hospital where he would spend his last days, we had a huge falling out. Harsh words and accusations were exchanged in the heat of the moment, and pride kept us from speaking those words that we both wanted to say and longed to hear from the other. When you're in the middle of a very heated argument, the last thing to cross your mind is saying "I'm sorry" and "I love you", because you never truly realize all that you take for granted until it's much too late.

I never got the chance to make amends for those things I said, or that which I had refrained from saying, so it is something that has haunted me for years. And I suspect that it always will. Though I have made progress in accepting that he would have and HAS forgiven me, and that in his heart of hearts he knows that I loved him and will always love him. Just as I know that he loved me.

For many years I bounced from one end of the emotional spectrum to the next. I was grief-stricken by his loss and the impact that it had on my family. I was angered that he had chosen the bottle instead of his family (he was an alcoholic from a family of alcoholics) and I was enraged that, as the oldest child, I was the one left picking up the pieces in his wake of self-destruction. I was the one left to console my mother after his passing, and I was the one that had to tell my 6-year old brother and 8 and 12 year-old sisters that daddy wasn't coming home again. I was angered at myself for my selfishness in blaming him, I was angered at myself for even entertaining thoughts of anger, and I was angered and guilt-stricken for all the things that I had said and never had a chance to make right; even blaming myself for being the catalyst of his death. I couldn't help but thinking that maybe there was something I could or should have done, but didn't, and this saddened me even further. Eventually I had to accept the sad truth that I couldn't have changed the outcome, that even he--if he had tried to do a complete about-face--couldn't have changed the outcome because his death was inevitable and we (the doctors, his family, etc) would have only prolonged the inevitable. It was one of the many lessons in life hard-learned.

Once I experienced every emotion known to man, realized that such a wide range of emotional turmoil was acceptable, and accepted that circumstances were far beyond my control, it made the grieving and moving on process a little easier. Certain times of the year were harder than others, and still are, and I still find it difficult to think about him without wanting to cry or sinking into a pit of depression, but I was fortunate enough to have found an outlet for my emotions whenever I began to feel depressed: poetry.

It started the night my dad had passed away. I constructed a poem that I read during his wake, and I feel the poem helped me accept his passing. Throughout the years I've wrote numerous poems, about his death and the emotions I felt and still feel as a result, and being able to convey my thoughts and feelings have helped me through the grieving process. A much healthier avenue than keeping them bottled up. Eventually I felt that maybe I could reach out and speak to those that had ever been in the same boat that I had been in, and I published my poetry on a public poetry forum. The constructive criticism regarding my poetic style was great, but what was really heartening was the feedback I received on an emotional level. Those that could identify with what I had experienced, and those that were able to offer me the reassurance that I needed. That my dad loved me and therefore would have forgiven me, and that in being able to reveal my innermost personal feelings with the public, I would have made him proud. This helped me realize that I had grieved for longer than necessary because I was wanting some sort of reassurance and that I already knew all that I was being told--I was just too hard on myself to realize it on my own. And it also helped me realize that he wouldn't have wanted me to have lived my life that way, for so long; that he would have wanted me to carry on with my life and to cherish the memories of the good times that we had--not the bad.

Now, 11 years later, I have allowed myself to move on. I thought of my dad during my high school graduation, during my wedding, and after the births of my two children, and he is always in my thoughts, especially during the holidays. Though now when I think about him it's not in a negative way. I have accepted all that transpired, and have forgiven not only him but myself, and I know that he has done the same. Regardless of what happened, what was said or not said, I know that I loved him, that he loved me, and I know that he too knows that.

I apologize for my longevity. I know where you are coming from, because I too experienced a loss that hit close to home at a young age. Just remember that though your mother is gone, she will always live on with you in your heart and thoughts! :)

I've lost relatives before, but unfortunately I never really got a chance to know them well...it was really hard on my parents. I stayed next to them and listened. Over the years, they still talk about them every now and then--and when it's the anniversary of their death or the holidays, or birthdays, or special occassions where family usually get together---those can be the hardest, especially during the first year after. I feel for you...but those grieving always remember the good times, and feel grateful---this is hard because also why it makes you sad. But it's the memories that help you, ya know

When something tragic happens, it's never all the same. You have to find a "new normal" as I heard on Oprah, heheh--but it's true. You will be able to move on, and laugh--but being alone and having time to think are the moments that change

Death is hard to accept period. If it was expected then the blow may not be as bad, but something like a car crash is very difficult. The state of disbelief last long in unexpected circumstances. The lost of a child for any reason is probably the most difficulut of all deaths. I have buried a child, my father, step-mom, brother, sister, and uncle. I was a teen when my brother passed and that was tough becuase he was younger than me. I was an adult when my daughter died and I will never get over that. I just learn to live with it. The thing is, I had different relationships with all of the people in my life so the effect of their death on me was different based on the type of relationship I had with them. But they wereall painful, just different levels of pain. One thing I know for a fact, time heals all wounds. Peace.

When your pain is fresh, it's like your walking underwater. Life goes on around you, but it's hard to feel a part of it. As time goes by, the pain lessens, but it still sideswipes you sometimes. Especially during special times of the year, i.e. Christmas, birthdays, etc...

You didn't do anything wrong. You were young, and you lost your Mom in a shocking manner. It was unexpected, making it even harder to deal with. You dealt with it the only way you could. It was not wrong. There isn't really a "right" of "wrong" way to grieve.

God Bless you!

you never really get over it. I lost two people I loved very dearly- my grandparents. Both were like parents to me. My gammpy was very much like a father to me due to the fact my father was a alcoholic and very inconsistant with his love toward me and my sisters. You learn to grieve and go thru the steps of lose. But most of all, remember this person and all the fond memories you had with them,and know that they will always be with you in your heart. Thank god that they are in perfect body and healthy and building a castle for you and family so when the time comes she will greet you with a smile and it will be as though you havent skipped a beat.

Everyones grief takes a different path and everyone experiences grief differently. Hold on to your memories and keep them close for when you need them the most. Last year I lost my father,uncle,and sister it`s hard to adjust and yes I think of them everyday for they are gone but never forgotten, one has to remember the impact they made in our lives and what we learned and what we cherish. Your memories will always be there and they will help you through out different times in your life. Hang in there!

I think about those that I have lost every day. It doesn't make me sad. I know it is trite, but you have to think of the things that made you laugh.

When it first happens, solitude is understandable... but you have to get out and live life. If you don't, it will pass you by, just like you said.

I wrote in a journal a lot, listened to a lot of music and read a lot of books. Staying outside helped sooo much.

I think about them everyday, and I still have my bad days, March is always tough for me they all passed away in that month, parents husband and MIL Grief is different for everyone so take one day at a time and don't listen to people who say you should be over this by now.

I lost my mom when i was 6 and i know that its diffrent because of the age, but i still understand, i went to a phycologist for years, and that helped, and i lost a few months but what helped me get over it was just being with people i love that were just there for me and i knew i could count on. And every now and again, i will just cry, and cry, because its hard not haveing her.

You get through it because you have no choice. I lost two years of my life just like you did. I hear them say on t.v. when someones loved one is missing and assumed dead that the family needs closure. Well I don't believe such a beast as closure lives. It hurts and it hurts bad. Time is the only friend to death and then there are moments.

i really didnt realise how low i was till about five years later. it was such a deep lose. its been about ten years now. when it happened my family really bonded. but it was deep shock. and after five years or so i started remembering the best memories that id somehow forgotten. now, i can talk about it and every now and again that pain can be as raw as the moment it first arrived into my life. but its worth it. i seemed like a totally different person back then, and yet it made me who i am today. time doesnt heal, it numbs. but it gets easier to deal with as time goes on.