Can anyone help me fix this poem?

Question

I need some suggestions to make this perfect...

Crime is What I Call It

I’m sitting here, lost in thought,
remembering the times I fought
with the hate I wish to savor,
but somehow, you have my favor.
I’m not ignorant or incompetent;
I know that you’re Not heaven sent.
Distortion is what you do best,
but, truth be told, I am impressed
with some unknown alluring feature.
Seductive Slut, I’m not a creature
without wants and longing,
which you fulfill by just prolonging
the time it takes you to say no.
Covetable Cutie, how can I slow
the process of my degradation
from human being to brute creation
that your unforeseen magnetism has caused?
I wish to hate, but then I’m paused
in my convictions upon seeing your face.
You’re nothing to me when I try and trace
the history I have attempted
to create between us, until I’m tempted
with the beauty I cannot place
on anything but my disGrace.

b4iquit · Accepted Answer

Very complex. I have read it several times and am not sure who or what the objective is. Is it a battle with self, with love, with another person, with something long suppressed or fought against. My list goes on. Is the 'attraction' the crime or the 'subversion' the crime, or 'mankinds weakness' the crime or is just that someone else turned out to be correct, is that the crime.

I am not a poet so you can probably ignore much of what follows, but my advice is to read it out loud, which is what I have done. There are a couple of sticking points when following the punctuation. I would suggest an amendment to the last line- see what you think of it anyway - it just worked better for me when reading it aloud. 

on anything other than my disGrace

Is there any particular reason for the capitalization in the last word, is Grace meant to give any hints.

If you were looking to be mysterious, well you have done that. I don't have an issue with there being different interpretations of a poem, but I would like to have an idea of the poets interpretation or sentiment.

A very complex poem, which is a positive to me.

Be safe, be sage

See how they run · Answer

You lost your rhythm around- I wish to hate but then I paused
in my convictions- on down to the end. That needs to be reworded or at least the way I read it. It's a great poem so keep it and work on it. I have to work on a lot of mine. I have to read alot of poetry to get rhythm down pat.

Anonymous · Answer

is this about crime or hate if it is about crime show it a little more by using crime in a ryhme...
this also sounds in my opion the controversy ver hate or like use another word for hate...distase..good luck

Trending News

Can anyone help me fix this poem?

3 Answers