A question (serious please) for those who had past abusive parents?

I would attempt clear guidelines. For safety's sake, and your sanity, you need to be able to say, for example, "I see that you want to help, but I don't want parenting advice now, I want to make my own choices, but I may ask for advice in the future." you seem like you can do this with a positive loving attitude (kudos)

If I am met with opposition, teasing, rudeness, or other problems when I make a request about my kid, I know I need to scale back that relationship. I also believe in forgiveness, but I do NOT allow my child to hear or see me and my choices belittled or questioned. That undermines the stability of my household.

Sometimes forgiveness is from afar.

I wouldn't feel safe leaving my kid alone with someone who was delusional about their own parenting skills, but I also don't have any illusions about being able to change someone who is delusional.

I deal mostly through spiritual means. I am totally not into having someone tell me what to think and believe, but I needed a safe community of loving people, and I found it with Unitarian Universalists.

Good luck.

First I am very sorry for what you went thru, I also was abused physically by my parents, holding lit cigarettes onto my back, breaking wooden spoons over my head, and much. much more, and also sexually abused by neighbors and a priest.

It took me many years to get over a lot of things, I will never forget but I can forgive. You have the right to do whatever you think will help you inside yourself, that will make you a better person. Once you come to accept that those things are in the past and cannot hurt you anymore then you will accept that you are a pretty good person for being the good person you are despite what happened to. Both my parents are dead, but I now know why they did what they did, but that is another story. I think you are a wonderful mother keep doing what you are doing.

Hey I also beleive in forgiving someone who there faults. No one is perfect and I have my share of abusive parent. like for example my dad is very demanding and abusive parent, always telling me what to do, and yelling at my mom over stupid things really. i've learned that no one is perfect and even though he abusive, he's my dad and I love him to death. I think you're a great person because I can tell you don't hold grudge over someone and forgive and that's an awesome quality I might add. I think you're dad is just trying to be the best dad he can be for you and you're boys, but if anything don't be mad at him, because after all he is your dad and we should love and respect our parents over anything else. That's my humble opinion, I mean my dad and I have a good comroderie now and we can share anything. Don't get angry, and live, breathe and enjoy life to the fullest girl. good luck, and nice to meet you by the way : now if I could get some advice women that's another thing LOL

bye

I think I would separate the two issues.

Tell them that you resent them telling you how to raise your kids just as they would resent someone telling them how to raise you. I wouldn't mention the abuse at this point.

If you want to confront them on the abuse issue, do it as a separate matter. You may want to just let it go so to keep peace in the family. That is up to you.

Now, to your kids. All kids need boundaries. Don't let your parents' lack of parenting skills influence you by making you too liberal in their guidance.

Good luck, and I mean it.

you understand that you are the bigger person and it sounds to me like the wiser. let them think what they want to because chances are if they have not figured it out by now they probably won't. you step into the knowledge that you are a great mom and people are always going to have there opinion and treat it as if it is simply a stranger giving you unsolicited advice. congratulations to you by the way for your loving and forgiving heart.

My mom wasn't abusive in the sense of abusing me but she stayed with my father for years when he was abusive. She acts like I'm a horrible mother. When she says something to me I say something like 'You learn to be a parent from your parents' or 'You weren't a perfect parent'. I barely talk to my father and when I do it's usually because I'm trying to get money from him.

It's smart to forgive but not to let them be in your life if they are still taking the piss.. I would cut contact until they change their ways...trust me it's better for you & your kids..It's unhealthy..I rarely speak to family members that bother me. You need to toughen up a wee bit.

Don't confuse abuse with discipline, I think you should set your kids boundaries so they don't end up as kids/teens these days.

dont talk to them anymore