Does anyone have views on the traditional roles in a marriage?

That is the way marriage was intended. When couples stay inside God"s will, things do work smoothly!

Traditional can be defined in two different ways. When many people use the word 'traditional' they mean a husband going out to work while the wife stays at home and looks after the kids. It is quite possible to have this kind of relationship and yet be equal. However, the word 'traditional' is also used to define a relationship in which the man is head of the family, has the final say in decision making etc. This is in fact an older 'tradition' than the first one, because a great many women had to work in past times even if they were married and had children, but were still considered to be subordinate to their husbands. I regard the second description as a more acurate description of what 'traditional' means.

Its not bad to care for one anothers needs and put it each other first, I do however think it should be balanced. Which it sounds like you and your husband have managed to do quite well. But some people are not so lucky to have balance, and it usually turns into one person doing all the caring, and loving, and the person on the recieveing end expecting and demanding it as if its their right of passage to be catered to without offering anything in return, and that is where the problem comes in. It lowers self esteem and it sends the wrong message to the children in these families

I think it's very important that the roles of the husband and wife be clearly defined. Whether or not they are the traditional roles is up to the couple. If both are equally in charge of every aspect, there would inevitably be a lot of unnecessary bickering as everyone has their own way of doing things.

Traditional roles were no doubt defined by the limits that we no longer have. Women took care of the children and home because bottles and formula didn't exist and providing for the family consisted of hard physical labor. That role was filled by the man, not only because of greater physical strength (in general) but also because that type of work couldn't be done by a pregnant or nursing mother. Therefore it made perfect sense at one time to define the roles by sex, but that is no longer necessary.

In my situation, I would not be content to stay home because I've been taking care of myself and my children financially and have come to enjoy working outside of the home very much. Also, with my background in accounting, I would most likely take charge of the finances or they would be split a specific way.

I know there are people who look down on your type of situation, but there are reasons why it works and everyone should do what works to maintain a secure and loving environment for raising their children.

What you are doing is wonderful. What matters is that you have a mutually loving, respectful relationship, howver you define the roles. You are providing a loving, stable home for your children and there is nothing more important.

Sometimes traditional roles work and sometimes not. Depends on who you are. However, they did not get to be TRADITIONAL because people tried it and found out it doesn't work. It's worked for millenia and therefore became tradition.

Humans are not solitary creatures. They are social creatures and work best in pairs and groups.

Who cares if it seems antiquated? Antiques are very valuable!

Well, my husband and I have for most of our married life had a fairly 'traditional' marriage in that I stay at home and he works (though actually these days he does most of his work at home anyway). But until fairly recently the concept of him as being head of the household was something I had never considered seriously. He has always been very bossy, and I have always been an indifferent housekeeper, and these things have always caused friction between us. however, I always had vague yearnings, half-suppressed, for him to have a real authoritarian role in our life.

it was only a few years ago, after I discovered the Taken In Hand website that I found myself seriously contemplating the notion "What if I stopped resisting his attempts to boss me and just LET him?" The idea that I could actually make my life happier by letting him be in charge was an exciting one, and I am very glad that I nerved myself to discuss it with my husband, because it has improved our lives greatly. Our relationship is still fairly turbulent, actually, but the regime change has had a calming effect on both of us.

However, I tend to see these two things, being a stay-at-home wife, and my husband being HOH, as two different things. A lot of stay-at-home wives are not in HOH relationships, and a lot of women who are are high-powered career women (some of the women on TIH are quite frighteningly high-powered, actually).

This is really quite 'traditional' in itself. Prior to the Industrial Revolution, most people worked at home, and the worlds of home and business tended to overlap more than they do now. Wives were often businesswomen as well, but would still consider their husbands as HOH, so the two things were not mutually exclusive.

if it works for you and your family then don't worry about what anyone else says.

All marriages only work when the two people in the marriage are on the same page as to what they want to happen and achieve in life and when they respect each other and the roles they have in the marriage.

If one member of the marriage doesn't respect the other, then it doesn't matter what type of marriage you have, it just won't work.

It became bad when the marriages were unhappy. When husbands don't meet their partner's needs or the wife is unsatisfactory.

Like you, I am a stay-at-home mother, but unlike you, I don't have the old fashioned viewpoint. He is not the head of the house - neither of us is. We work together. I run the house and he runs his business.

But I do not see myself as a helpmeet. That sounds demeaning to me. We're very happy, and have been so for 19 years.

I was brought up in a church where wives were taught to be submissive. I saw many bad things evolving from that doctrine - including my poor mil who was treated like a doormat all the days of her life.

I'm much more independent than that. And proud to be so.

Edit: I see from your later comment that you are religious. So yes, you are following the rules. You are both committed to your religion, your marriage and each other. And that's the way it should be.

I'm committed to my marriage and my family. I don't need religion to define my role - that I can do by myself.

My husband and I are also somewhat traditional. He works and brings home the bacon and I take care of the house. But when he's home he also helps with the kids.

i do not view him better than me or vice versa. This is just how OUR marriage works.

Those standards worked for a long time.

I don't think anyone would suggest that the new way is working as well. Divorce is way too common.

My wife and I tend to lean towards the traditional roles.