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CAITLIN
Lv 5
CAITLIN asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

What Do I Do About A Family That Doesn't Appreciate What I Do?

First let me start by saying that my brother and I are both in our late 20's and both work. I live on my own and my brother still lives at my parents' house. About 2 years ago, my mom got laid off from the job she was at for 35 years. She found another job a few months later but took a $20K pay cut. Then she got laid off again. It took about 6 months for her to find work and she took another $10K cut in salary. Money has been tight for them. The first time she got laid off, it wasn't too bad for them because she had gotten a severance package that paid her for several months. But by the second time it happened, because of the cut in pay and the lack of a substantial severance, things went down hill really quickly. To help ease my family's deprrssion about holidays and celebrations, I started hosting the holidays and co-hosting large birthday dinners and picking up things for them here and there but I get nothing but grief from my family everytime I try to do something.

Update:

More Details Coming...

Update 2:

For Christmas- I invited everybody over to my house on Christmas Day but my brother got all upset because he wanted to open presents of Christmas Eve and he didn't want to have to load the car up and bring it over to my house. I was going to my boyfriend's parents' house on Christmas Eve for their family party so I couldn't have it at my place until Christmas Day.

For Easter (yesterday) I made the entire dinner and took it to my parents' house to eat. My brother got stuck working late and my parents guilted me into driving an hour to drop off his dinner and when I got there he yelled at me for coming and didn't thank me.

Another time, my mom called to ask for a jar of mayo to make salad dressing and when I brought it over my mom burst into tears and told me that I was being insensitive for not getting a larger jar so she'd have extra if she wanted a sandwich later in the week.

Update 3:

My family always chastised me for being selfish and not going the extra mile for the family. In the past I couldn't. I was either in college 200 miles away and not gainfully employed or I was in an entry level job and barely covering my own expenses. Now that I am able to do this, whatever I do is never good enough. Please don't tell me to stop doing things for them. I am relatively close to my family and if I don't help, I'll feel guilty. I just need to know how to better handle these situations when they come up. Thanks.

5 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I'm truly sorry to hear of the problems your parents are going through. I think you should just back off a bit and let your parents handle their problems. I would hope that your working brother contributes to the household since he's living there. If your mom complains to you ask her if he's helping out. I had a younger brother who never wanted to move out of our parents house and did little to pay his way. It wasn't fair but my parents put up with it.

    You can't make things better only they can do that for themselves. Hopefully things will improve for them. Don't you feel guilty at least you're not an added expense to them. It's a shame they don't realize your value. Take care of yourself.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Dear Caitlin,

    Serenity Prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can, and thew wisdom to know the difference."

    This prayer has helped me several times, when life seems to be a bit overwhelming.

    Source(s): AA
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You can't play hero and then turn vilen. You are obviously thought of as a kind person, as you wanted to be thought of, but you don't really like being that kind. So then don't. Your mad at them when you should be mad at yourself. They will still love you even if you don't always do things for them.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Stop allowing them to guilt you into doing anything. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Remind them of that.

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  • Jen M
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Then stop doing stuff for them. If they ask why you have stopped doing stuff then you can say that it wasn't appreciated.

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