mother-daughter-father-sister etiquette?

I will be offended too, but just remember, it's once in a lifetime that your dad is having a 60th's birthday. If that's the kind of things that will make your dad feel special, just go with it without making a fuss about. I mean, it's only for one day, just suck it up, and make him happy.

You're offended because your Sister wants to throw a surprise party for your Father's 60th Birthday ? Why ? She has said that you don't have to do anything unless you want to...

Why would your wishes override hers ? It would be different if the party was for your Mothers birthday, since you obviously do not throw a party for someone who hates parties...

I'm not sure what them having a rocky marriage has to do with this. I cannot imagine your Mother is going to leave your Father because she doesn't want to go to a party.

Well, I think both people are wrong and right. First off, your sister probably felt that turning 60 is a big deal and it was important to her to have a party for her father. However, she should have talked to your family first and at least gave them the heads up before doing it. She merely asked if anybody wanted to pitch in, and not expected it of them, which I think was right.

On the other hand, I can understand how an event this big would make your mother and you somewhat upset since you didn't know about it and didn't get a chance to be invovled more. However, the world does not revolve around your mother. Though she may not like big parties, it doesn't mean she can't enjoy herself for 1 night for her husband. Even if their marriage is rocky, a party can still be fun. And it probably means a lot to him.

So what are you really upset about? After all, it's supposed to be a fun party! I'm positive your sister's intentions weren't to upset the family but rather to bring everyone together to celebrate a rather significant decade of your father's life.

I would do the same if I were in your sister's shoes.

Obviously your sister loves your father very much,

and she has made up her mind to held a party for your father's birthday.

It is meaningless to ask you mother because

she does not like parties.

She might say 'No',

then your sister can not throw a party for your father.

Your sister is nice for not asking you.

It would put you though a difficult position

to say yes or no.

You may feel bad if you said no to her proposal

because you must love your father too, and

60 is one of the most important birthdays.

If you said yes, you will be in trouble

because your mother won't be happy,

and she will be left alone in the situation.

Instead of, your sister just ask if you want to pitch in.

I think she is very thoughtful.

I don't understand the offense. An adult daughter can throw a party for her father. Your mother and you don't have to attend - but you will look like snobs if you don't. If she were demanding money, that would be one thing. But if she's hosting it and asking if you want to participate, just say no, don't attend, and look pretty crass.

Just because your mother and dad don't get along doesn't make your sister unable to honor her own father. Don't take sides between your parents - let your mother pitch a fit if she wants, but don't take offense if your sister wants to celebrate a milestone.

You know what? I understand what you are saying here..but, I don't think that you ought to be soooo negative here!

God! Your sister did a really UNselfish thing here! And what's more a really lovely thing!!

I am sorry that you feel so angry about this..but hey, your parents are getting older...why don't you just enjoy what you have now...it won't be like this forever...and perhaps you can make this party happy and ENJOY what you have..and be happy for the outcome..and make happy and light of this festivity..and be happy for your parents, despite the shortcomings!!

Enjoy what you can, while you can!!! (People do not live forever..and just be joyous!!) You could have a lousy time, or you can get with the program and live, laugh and love!!!

Let her throw the party, it's for your dad. Your mother doesn't like parties or events - you would expect her to be offended. She doesn't sound like any fun. Leave her out of it. Everyone else should party, have fun and wish your dad a happy birthday. You should lighten up.

Maybe she just took in initiative because she knew you wouldn't. Does your father like big parties? It is about him after all. I wouldn't sweat it if I were you. Help out and it can be a nice thing from all of you. Life is too short to be offended so easily.

I think if she wants to give HER FATHER a party you can either help, or butt out. But you and your cranky, apparently too lazy to leave a bad relationship mother have no right or reason to be offended.

She did not say you had to help she said "I'm doing this".

Grow up. He's her father and she loves him.

It's not HER fault your parents are too stupid to leave a miserable marriage.

I think you need to get over it. This is something your sister wanted to do for her father and she has the right to do that if she wants to. She (very correctly) offered you all the opportunity to be involved or not and has not tried to force you to do anything. Decide if you want to do it or not and inform her accordingly, end of issue. to do otherwise shows that you WANT more family drama, because it would be you who was causing it at that point.