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What are your thoughts on this poem I wrote several years ago?
The Hide and Seek of Truth
I often look in the direction of heaven,
and try to see what I used to see;
an ever moving portal
to an alabaster world above.
Now the ocean spreads beneath canvas sky,
with folds of tide and silver lining;
half moons tossed
to shipwrecked souls,
and I equate this to You; your wrath of nature
spilling over my toes;
clinging to the silken fabric of the earth
as it's pulled from beneath my feet,
and leaving me to balance
myself on this rocky shore.
Sea gulls call
and I remember their cries,
joyous,
until I learned of their faltering flight;
their constant struggle
for shelter and global warming;
evolution, supernovae
and dinosaur fossils,
unearthed-
like my belief in you.
I long to see the sky as I did then,
so I look for another way to believe;
because the absence of faith
is a disappointed child-
a gathering fog,
and a vanishing world--
and this filtered illusion
of land and sea.
16 Answers
- christieLv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
if you combined the 2nd and 3rd section would be a simple way to make it flow better since you haven't completed a thought where you have it separated.
- eskimo pieLv 51 decade ago
i heard the sounds and felt the textures. you tugged my emotions and made me think. this is a wonderful piece of poetry. just imagine - if you wrote so well a few years ago - what could you write today!
- 1 decade ago
i deff. like the mood and tone
i love it
its very beautiful and deep
u have a real talent there
- ★☆♥iiSa:D♥☆★Lv 41 decade ago
IT IS really GOOD!!
Seriously I'm not joking but you really have a talent. Good Job.
keep writing it's really good.
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- 1 decade ago
WOW!!! Thats deep! I actually pictured this hapining in my head, wich means you worded it nicely. BRAVO!!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
it has alot of thought it makes somone think i have thought this deep befor and all of it always makes me relize one thing u have to get on your own
- Anonymous1 decade ago
That was beautiful!! I'm amazed!! How old were you when you wrote this?
No matter what anyone says, it's beautiful. :)
- 1 decade ago
I LOVE IT, it reminds me of my style of poetry.. maybe im biased.. ..:P beautiful tho.