Would you be offended?

I think you need to ask him why he calls her these names. Step-daughter to me is perfectly fine, it doesn't mean he doesn't love her, but Dee's daughter is just plain wrong.

You need to ask why he calls her these names, he may not realize it hurts or offends you. How else does he act with your daughter? If he genuinely loves her and treats her the same as his own child, what his title for her doesn't matter. It might just be out of habit. You should ask him to change his title.

I have a feeling you two would do well in couple's or family counselling. If he has issues with his step daughter and his own child, a counsellor will help figure this out.

You should also start an adoption process for him to adopt your daughter.

Yes, I can see how his repetition of "step-daughter" might be hurtful, because it constantly emphasizes the distance between them, reminding her that she is not the same as the child born of his own blood. But you should be hurt for your *daughter's* sake, not for your own.

He doesn't mean any offense; he's just being accurate. He might also be respecting the child's heritage - the child has a connection with and loves her biological father, and it would be wrong of her step-dad to try and monopolize that connection for himself. It's a catch-22; if he calls her daughter, then she'll insist "you're not my *real* dad" - if he calls her step-daughter, she'll ask "what, I'm not as good as your *real* daughter?"

He may not even be aware that he's doing this. Give him the benefit of the doubt first. Talk it over with your daughter first, and ask what she would prefer. Then talk it over with your husband and ask if he would consider using the more inclusive term "daughter".

It would depend on whether or not the biological father is in the picture or not. If he is, there is the issue of stepping on another man's toes (invading his territory so to speak). If the biological is NOT in the picture, I would definitely be offended. And I have to ask if you have, in your whole time together, referred to your daughter as "MY daughter" rather than our daughter, because sometimes you do the labeling and he takes his cue from that. I would have to ask him why he feels the need to label your daughter in such a way, it's alienating and it has to hurt her feelings not to be fully included in the family that way. You need to be honest and ask him why he does it or you won't know how he truly feels about the situation. Good luck.

I can understand how you would wish that your husband really think of her as his child. It appears as though he has acted like a father in many ways.

There could be several reasons for this. He could be worried that, if he accepts her as his daughter, she'll eventually hook up with her bio dad and leave him out in the cold. Or, he may just be someone who likes everything in place, and "step-daughter" is what she is. Or, chances are, it's just a habit he's acquired, and it doesn't seem like a big deal to him.

Ask him if it would be a problem to just call her his daughter. If he can't seem to do it, accept it. Remember, he has accepted the responsibility for her, and that's a big thing.

Be sure that this is not discussed in front of your daughter. Chances are, it doesn't bother her, and you could create problems between them.

honestly he is 100% correct. He is not the father, and if he introduced himself as such, your child may get confused and think he is imposing. your child has a father, and your current spouse is not it. If your spouse called himself 'father' your child will think you are trying to push her real father out of the picture. This can cause severe psychological harm later on. Just because you dont like your ex.. doesnt mean you should force your child to.

Trust me on this... i'm the 'step-daughter' too... and I'm glad my dad didnt force her to be my 'mom'.

If she calls him dad... then maybe... but you shouldnt be hurt over it.

Well, tell him how you feel.

I would be more worried about how he treats her.

My husband is the step father to our kids. But, he refers to them as his own. My son was 5 when I met my husband and it is eerie how much a like they are.

I just think you need to talk to him and let himknow that if it bothers you it probably hurts the little girl too. If that don't bother him then you made a poor choice in a step father.

Technically I'm a step child. My dad married my mom when I was 13. He has never refered to me as her daughter, his step-daugher etc. I have always been his daughter, my two brothers (also step to him) have always been his sons. Our "half-brother" has always been our brother the term half has never been used. Sounds like your husband is a jerk and it kind of surprises me that you didn't see this before you got married to him. I feel bad for your daughter, nothing worse than feeling like the outsider and your mom is sleeping with the man that has put you there.

I think your reading a little too much into this. Perhaps when you first got married he called her his "step" daughter to make it more comfortable for everyone. And now he is just in the habit of it. Old habits die hard. Relax, thats probably all thats going on.

No, i'm in the same boat. but my partner excepts my daughter as his own. Has raised her and is there for her when she sick or whatever. Just talk to him explaine that you feel like he should off excepted it by now. I was very clear at the begining and told him my expections. Plus, a father is not one that provided the sperm to make the baby. a father is one that takes care of it, provieds for it and is there through everything!

If he hasnt adopted her, then technically she is a step-daughter. You should talk to him about it and find out why he refers to her that way. Maybe he doesn't know that it would be acceptable to you and to her if he did that. Sometimes you have to tell a man out right...they don't always get the clues. I'm sure its just a misunderstanding.