My husbands mother hide the fact that her husband molested my step son. Do I have to allow her in my kids life

First of all, I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

I understand why you'd be so upset about this; and of course you have every right to. It was wrong and hurtful for her to do this. Furthermore, it's morally unsound. As the child's parents, you and your husband had every right to know about this -- when it happened.

This could've been a matter of safety, or even of safety for your other children. She should have informed you immediately, and she, you, and your husband should've taken the correct actions accordingly and as you saw fit.

She shouldn't have hid it.

It's perfectly understandable that you're still unhappy and angry, and that you can't forgive her. If this is important to your husband or she is / was close to the children, I would attempt to at least help them to establish a relationship with them. It doesn't sound as if she would follow in her husband's actions, and it's highly unlikely that if she ever remarried or entered a relationship, it would happen again.

Just the same, there's a matter of trust in this. I would begin allowing her near my family only under proper supervision of myself or myself, or if necessary, another family member. And before I ever considered allowing her to be alone with my children, I'd make my expectations clear.

All in all, you don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with. I suggest that you do, however do so with caution.

Wow, this is huge. You obviously don't agree with your husbands reasons on why he has forgiven her. That's OK. How does your (step) son feel about it? He's opinion and wants are important. It's great that you all had counselling. I must say, she made an effort to not leave them alone again, her way of protecting the boy. I bet she has suffered a lot of guilt all those years, she couldn't hold it in long after her husband died. I don't believe she should have kept it to herself though. Maybe you could see a counsellor on your own to see if there is any way you can get past this, maybe even with your husband. It's wonderful that you're such a caring mother, you're doing the right thing. I'd hate for the inability to forgive her, to cause you any stress and eat you up. Good luck, I hope you reach an agreeable conclusion.

I KNOW I could never, ever forgive this! This is such a betrayal! You should have been told immediately so YOU could decide if you wanted your children around him. This is very sad. YOU do not have to forgive her or trust her ever again. You need to sit your husband down and tell him that you understand this is HIS mother and he can forgive her all he wants. The fact that she did not come forward so you could have the CHOICE to keep your children away would certainly be cause to keep my children away from her forever. Anyone who hides such behavior is just as guilty as the perpetrator! You have NO way of knowing if it happened after the incident she saw. Child molesters are VERY good at finding ways to get to their victims. I am sorry this happened to your step son and I understand your apprehension to allow her in the lives of your children.

No, you don't have to allow her into your kids world. You are their mother! You have a right to keep her out of their lives. As I would! As a Mother, I would not let her! She let this happen for years w/o your knowing and now tells you after the fact that the bastard is dead!

That is awful! She didn't care enough to tell you the first time she saw this happen!!!! Then she doesn't deserve to be in their lives!!

Children are precious, I can't believe she would let this happen!!!!

Your husband should understand, I could never forgive for that! Not for something that happened to my child like that!

I would be afraid to let her around my children, what else would she keep if something was to happen..

Honestly, I don't even know how your husband could forgive his mother for that, after finding out what that piece of crap did to his kid...

Good Luck to you and your family. I hope your child is able to heal from this one day!! I'm so sorry to hear something like that happened! It is awful to whomever it happens too, especially a innocent child!

Sounds like this is an excellent case for family counselling. It was absolutely wrong of her and I would feel the same way as you. She did hurt your child. You're a mama bear who wants to protect your children. My nice side is telling me to forgive and get counselling, but my parental instincts wouldn't allow my children around a woman who so obviously contributed to the harm of my child. Let alone the fact the man never came to justice. I suppose he's getting his now.

She should have sat the two of you down and told you exactly what happened, secrets can kill a family. She should not be alone with the children until they become teenaager and know right from wrong even though she didn't molest anyone she knew what happened and chose to keep her mouth shut about it, what other secrets is she keeping.

Certainly she shouldn't have hidden that fact but it must have been extremly hard to share that information, even after her husband's death. In making a decision on wheather let your kids see her I'd be mostly concerned with the fact if she is good for your kids and will they benefit from seeing her...

i think you should because it could be a big problem in your marriage if not and if you got divorced he could get custody or visitation and then she could seem them or she can sue for visitation even if your still married to her son and you both said no and a judge will pro ably agree to it so better safe if you let her but be present while she visits that way you can protect your kids if she comes over and your step-son doesn't want to visit her then don't make him that goes for your kids to even if she's over tell them they can stay in their room's while she's over well good luck

As far as I am concerned, she is just as guilty as the scumbag that did that to your stepson. I wouldn't allow her near any of my kids. She obviously does not have their best interest in mind. You are right on this one. She should be deeply ashamed of herself.

she was totally wrong in hiding this and I am surprised she wasn't arrested for concealing this info. To keep family harmony, I might let her see them but never without me in the room.