Help getting through to sister that she messed her kids up?

Your sister did screw up. And, she's going to keep screwing up. There is nothing you can say to her to change that.

If you want the girls in counselling, the best way for you to make that happen is for you to model the behavior that you want them to emulate. In other words, I suggest that you go to counselling. It is often the responsible person who has been left to clean up the messes that irresponsible people dump on them, that get the most benefit from counselling. People like you make the most of every chance and every resource that comes their way, and counselling is a great resource. Good social workers have seen countless family problems solved, and they have a great deal of experience to lend to people who are encountering those problems for the first time. The other reason that this is a good idea is that you really can't make anyone else go to counselling. The only person you have control over is you. You know it's a good idea, so you might as well benefit from it, yourself. Another reason why this is a great idea is that when the stress gets to you, you can remind yourself that you have reserved an hour this week specifically to work on these problems, with some experienced help, so you don't have to worry about them right this minute.

You might want to contact your family services. Since your nieces have cases with them, there might be counselling services that you could access through them.

After you've gone a few times, tell the girls how wonderful it has been, and ask them to go to a few sessions with you. You may even have to bribe them somehow to get them to do it, but if you can help them learn and grow, it might be worth it.

Your sister is a dead end. Don't keep looking to her for a solution to this problem. If you want something done, you are going to have to do it yourself.

Best of luck!!

WOW! Okay, they are on their own path. They are NOT following the mom's path. My mom left me and my 5 brothers and sisters, when the youngest was just 6 months old. My oldest sister raised us even when my mom was around. We spent 3 years in different foster homes, until the courts decided that my father could have us back. You have a part in this. NO ONE told you that you had to take in your sister's daughters' kids. You are an enabler. You are making it easy for them to just give up. No it is not your fault in whole. You can make it very easy. If you choose to take in the kids, don't let them see their mom and grandma. If you choose not to take the kids, you have to cut all ties. Don't let them run your life and don't help them. Good Luck! Oh, by the way, I am a wife and mother of three. And everyone of my sisters but one are married with and my brother is married with kids. The one who is not married with kids is in the army and hasn't found the right man. My mom did not make us into her.

Why do you need to "get it through to her" that she messed up her kids? Will that change anything? I'd say it's obvious to everyone who the weak link in their lives was, why do you need to put such a fine point on it?

Your sister admitting she was a bad mother does not change anything. Those are just words. And in a situation like this, admitting is not the first step towards healing. It probably would just make her worse, because in place of denial will be depression.

You're a good person. You are the BETTER person. Remember that.

Children do not ask to be brought into this world, we make that decision for them as parents and are responsible for giving them the best upbringing possible. No, one should not lose sight of who they are as an individual, but yes, you do have to sacrifice things for your children's sake. That said, sadly, some people are so selfish they refuse to put anyone else before their own selfish needs, which to me is amazing when it's your own children. I would recommend you keep influencing the girls with your own postive behavior and setting good examples. Talk to them about what is right and wrong in a caring way..hopefully with time they will mature and come to see for themselves the right path. I wouldn't say anything to them about their mother unless they ask, just support them and show them the way consistently. I am speaking from experience as a misguided child who luckily had a great aunt who put all this advice I have given you into play and it worked for me. To this day, I still think of her when making an important decision in my life because she was such a good role model.

I agree that with parenting we do as we are taught most of the time. I believe we can do one of two things we can be just like our parents or rebel and be totally different.

You should talk to your nieces about getting counseling and explain that they should also take some parenting classes. I have no doubt that they love their kids but they need to know how to be a good parent, instead of what their mom was to them.

I think talking to your sister is going to be a dead end. I would first try talking to the nieces.

Well if your sister doesn't see where she went wrong with her actions, I don't see how she's going to convince her daughters to do so. Your sister's thinking is fundamentally flawed and something tells me she's not going to change at this stage. The two girls are going to have to learn this on their own but it won't be from their mother who can't even recognize her own (or their) faults. The girls need counselling all right but from a much better role model than their mother. The more she "teaches" them, the worse they will become. They need less, not more contact with their mother who is nothing but a bad influence.

I'm sorry that your sister was such an unfit mother, but only your nieces can be blamed for their actions. They're adults, and they don't have to be irresponsible just because of what "Mommy" did and says to them. My father was a horrible excuse for a parent, but that doesn't give me license to mistreat my son. And if I were to be a bad parent, I would be the only one to blame for it.

Your sister does not and should not have to get into counseling with her adult daughters. What would be better would be for them to get into counseling on their own to address issues from their past. The only thing that will help them is to stop pointing the finger and take responsibility for their actions.

I know you don't want to hear this, but whatever the mom did or didn't do, those girls are all grown up and are 100% responsible for their own actions. I agree, your sister was wrong. But, those girls need to start acting like parents now and making the right choices. At this point, laying blame is pointless.

concentration on your little ones, they are the main serious element throughout the vacations. My ex and that i've got been given divorced as a results of her infidelity additionally. i ultimately discovered it wasn't well worth being offended at her anymore and that i enable it pass. i'm going to by no potential remarry this female yet I do love my youngsters. in case you are able to't come to an information along with her as to what you want to do throughout the vacations, I advise you get the forged house household initiatives recipe e book and initiate making plans a menu. i'm particular your 10 y/o could go with to help Daddy make Christmas dinner! cling in there chum, it gets much less complicated. additionally initiate relationship, end sitting around asserting "Woe is me." It would not might desire to be severe, purely casual for now.

Don't worry about your sister. You can't get through to her at this point. There has been way too many years of substance abuse coupled with denial for you to be effective. Instead try focusing on your nieces and getting them help so they can take care of their own children. Try sitting them down and discussing with them how much they needed their mother and how much their children need them. Then show them programs that will help them get their lives under control.

Where are the children's fathers?