My son was caught smoking marijuana in his room, should I take the door off of his room?

When I was an adolescent my parents kicked me out of the house for smoking marijuana. Prior to that incident they had never talked to me about drug abuse, prescription or otherwise. My father kicking me out was the only discussion we've ever had about the substance. Marijuana is frequently associated with negative and risky behavior. This is primarily due to its legal status.

Don't freak out mom. Marijuana is remarkably safe and non-toxic. During my adolescence I witnessed from time to time the effects of alcohol poisoning on my friends who drank to much. Overdose with marijuana is impossible and its except for legal ramifications, which are dire, doesn't carry nearly the health risk that alcohol and smoking do.

That's not to say what your child is doing is ok. I'm sure its not with you. My guess is that if your child is lying and acting out toward you because the parent-child relationship is probably already damaged. Completely removing his privacy may further damage that relationship.

Frankly, I don't think drugs are the problem. An absentee father, no matter what the reason, makes dealing with issues more difficult for an adolescent boy. How much do you talk to him about sex, drugs, music, relationships, etc in a non-confrontational way? He's likely to be extremely defensive and mistrusting if you attempt to now, but I think its important to open a dialog with your child. Its not likely to your son will open up if he thinks he'll be punished for his honesty.

If approaching your son alone is daunting, a counselor or other respected adult, especially a male, may do wonders for the conversation. Adolescent boys are rarely disrespectful to women when there are stronger, older, and more respected men present. Wild guess here, but I bet your son is pretty resentful and angry his dad isn't around. I was in a very similar situation.

If your son is experimenting with dangerous substances; coke, meth, or prescriptions, then you probably need to find outside help. These drugs are far more deadly than marijuana no matter what the government would have you to believe. If marijuana happens to be his drug of choice, perhaps he is self-medicating another condition such as depression, a learning disability, or other health problem. I even know of individuals who use marijuana to combat the side effects of other psychoactive prescriptions drugs, specifically Ritalin and Lithium. Frequently these prescriptions have mental and physical health risks and side effects that can be far worse than the negative effects of marijuana use.

There is a reason your son is using marijuana and he's apparently finding some benefit from it or else he wouldn't be a repeat user. It's important to find out what that reason is. Your adolescent son may not be self-aware enough to know what that reason is himself without counseling or a mentor to help guide him to learn more about himself.

If it's any consolation kids who only smoke marijuana and don't drink, smoke cigarettes, or do other drugs, are likely to have good grades and not have the emotional problems their peers do. They are frequently better adjusted socially than non-users. (reference below) You may not agree with my politics or parenting approach, but please recognize that I've been through what your son is going through now and I so wish my parents had shown me acceptance and love instead of hostility and rejection because I think their actions and my reactions permanently damaged our relationship.

Wow, ur kid reminds me of my lil sister. With the drugs it seriously could have benn worse, keep in mind that most kids do drugs in their teen years. As for the sex thing keep i mind how old you were when you lost your virginity probably around his age, right? Just make sure he has protection!

As for the punishment: No phone, no computer, no ipod,

1)Drink only water

2) Do routine searches of his room and bathroom

3) If he has a job he con't go anymore, that way he's living of only how much $ you give him.

4) Take away all his clothesthat u feel r inappropriate...HIDE THEM

As for him calling granny dearest; take away his cell phone and take out the battery disconnect ur house phone u can take all ur calls on ur cell which u will keep with u at all times. How's he going to call????

*The only reason I wouldn't advise taking off the door is it's hard and heavy and it's a hastle*

Try getting your parent's or people you share the house with to let you burn incense. It covers up smell well. Or go to the store and buy a can of this stuff called "OZIUM" it gets rid of almost any smell! Also get a sploof like you said which is a paper town roll filled with dryer sheets. Put a towl under your door, perferably a damp towel. and make sure to blow the smoke out the window.

ok.. taking the door off the hinges isn't going make a difference. He is going to keep smoking regardless. You need to be stern with him, I know its going to be hard. Ground him, take away all his amenities.. NO CELL PHONE.. NO MONEY.. NO NOTHING.

Throwing a fit isn't anything. Just walk away. If you don't want to hear it you dont have to. YOU are the mother!.

What you really really need to do is have a talk with your mom is it? that he keeps running too? She has to understand that this is not her child. You are and obviously if she feels that she did a good job raising you that she should be able to trust in you to raise your own child. What she is doing is undermining your authority and in the end your son will continue running all over you.

GOODLUCK

Take the door off, and he'll smoke in the restroom, kick him out of the restroom and he'll smoke at a friends'... The point I'm making is if someone wants to do something, you can't stop them... Instead of taking away all privacy, find out what has your 17-year-old acting so rebelious...

Bootcamps aren't always a bad idea... from the sound of things he doesn't live with his father... that could play a role as well. Try talking to him, hanging out with him... talk to his teachers... and if you can't find a solution try a boot camp... it's going to take a lot of prayer, because you've waited til he was 17 to start doing something... pray and seek all options... I'll be praying too.

i think you need to reverse the situation here a bit.

i am telling you this as a 23 year old who knows a bunch of pot heads.

first off, if you have caught him smoking once, he has done it before, and will do it again. dont waste your time trying to stop him. you will only encourage his motivation.

second. talk to your parents and tell them exactly what he is doing .. yes tell them about the marijuana and the sex. and tell them you have proof! i am sure things will quickly change. i mean think about it .. they wouldnt be mad at you if they were fully aware of whats really happening would they? you need to get them on your side.

3)now that we have some basics on who stands where.. now we move on to solutions. ask yourself .. who is running the house .. you or him... thats right .. you... so rip that door off it's hinges. and dont even think about it. this is YOUR house. and you dont want anyone bringing drugs into it. and THAT is what you need to enforce.

as for the sex, buy him a pack of condoms. be realistic, HE IS 17! so instead of trying to stop the sex, encourage safety.

CHANGE your attitude towards him. if he wants to be a punk, then treat him like one. not like a loving son. he needs to see the harsh reality that he is NOT accepted as a punk. you need to realize that you cant change a person .. the more you try the more he will rebel. but you sure can show him how you feel about it by how you treat him. if he wonders why you are changing, tell him you dont accept a pothead for a kid. and offer to kick him out of the house even. cut the power to his room. trust me when he misses his warm bed and comfort he will come crawling for you to and bend over till you offer a solution.

you need to stop babysitting him, he is borderline a grown man. instead you need to slap him in the face with the harsh reality of what it can bring. encourage the things you want rather then punishing those you dont. punishmenat for a guy like him leads to rebellion. thats why he manipulates you. take charge of the household .. YOU run it and still have the power over him. dont think of it as punishment, instead you need to take away his privlages, cell phone, car, the power in his room even, etc.. those are things he must earn from you if he can respect and follow the rules to your house.. punishment is not the solution. dont keep him held anywhere, let him walk away and face reality. it will hit him smack in the face. and seeking help from family DOES help. theres no shame in having a problem and showing it. living a lie is a problem itself, would you rather have that and let him continue?

im not sure...because if you take the door off, he'll then just go and do it somewhere else. Then again, i guess whatever you do - he will probably continue.

As someone of around the same age as your son, i'd advise you to try talk to him about it, and perhaps ask him to as long as he's living in your house, to follow by your rules.

If he then still persists, then take of his door because of a lack of trust.

Hope it works out okay.

Dear Wife of Fire Fighter,

This is a real problem with teens today. So here is a web site

that will provide you with solutions to your current situation.

Go to this web site: www.hawaii.gov/health/about/pr

At this site you will find links and vidal information to help you

combat Robert's drug use. Look under the listing at this web site....Anti-Drug Parent Resource List.

I hope that this website and it's links will prove usefull in solving your current situation.

Best Wishes,

Wood

Hell yeah, and I would talk sh*t to him while I'm doing it. He needs to know who's boss around there. If you keep giving in to him, you're going to have some major problems with him when he enters the real world. Trust me, he needs that type of discipline, its for the better.

The door should remain, however, the punishment should be swift and sure and severe enough as to act as a deterrent to future drug use.