What is the biggest hurt or wrong done to you that you have had to forgive? How long did it take you?

My parents were very strict and dysfunctional when I was growing up. I always tried to "fix" our family as a child. Mostly by trying to be good enough, or to understand my parents and help them understand each other.

When I was in my late thirties, my mom confessed to us that she had led a double life (I honestly think she was molested as a child and has some sexual addiction issues as an adult). The thing is, even in her confession she was using me and my sister as human shields. Afraid of my dad's anger - she confessed to him with us present. We didn't know about it and didn't have any business being in the middle of it, but she needed us there.

I had tried all my life to figure out why I felt left out of our family. Turns out, she would tell my dad things about me that weren't true so that he would take his anger out on me rather than seeing what she was doing.

No sooner had she said she was sorry that she wanted me to comfort her and tell her it was okay.

I don't know if I can really explain how many layers of my life this affected. I didn't trust my own judgment anymore. All my memories and all my attempts to understand were wrong. Every time she let me confide in her, and she used that information and twisted it to use against me.... I felt so betrayed.

Since it was something that went on my whole life, I'm not sure what sort of relationship she expected, but when I told her I needed time to sort it out, she judged me as unforgiving. It's been several years and we're still not close.

I wish her well, and I hope that she's happy. But I do still struggle with forgiveness every time she complains to someone else that I'm unforgiving. It's not that I still hold her past against her, but her current judgement is something that I constantly have to forgive, and each time she rips the scab off again.

We didn't tell people what the problem was out of respect for our parents and in hope that they would get the help they needed without the added stress of it being public. What has happened though, is that people are confused about what the problem is between us and they take my lack of relationship as proof that I am unforgiving.

I release her from any debt. I don't want her to change the past, or make it up to me. It is what it is. I want her to be happy - just not at my expense. I can't rebuild a healthy relationship with her (at least, I don't know how to) when I have no desire to meet her expectations, and she feels that I owe her the kind of relationship she wishes we had simply because she apologized.

There's a difference between forgiveness and trust, or forgiveness and reconciliation. I forgive her, but I don't trust her.

Jesus said: Matthew 5:7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. I dont have to tell you anymore than that i mean its pretty clear. But ill tell you this before i was saved it was a little hard to forgive even though i never really holded grudges much in my life. After i became saved having mercy is basically something you live on because your heart is filled with love for others it comes natural, nothing you think twice about. Im a witness to this verse because as a saved person the lords words are truth. If you are having problems with this ask God to fill your heart with love for others because you will never obtain mercy unless you are merciful.

I don't know the greatest wrong done to me and it might not have even happened yet.

I do know this, and that is forgiveness is between me and God, not between me and the person who wronged me. I am able to forgive completely because I want to be forgiven completely.

For some things, forgiveness is still ongoing for me and may be for life. What did Christ tell Peter? 70x7?

I have 2 times that come to mind. The only problem is I don't want to share the issues. The first issue I had to forgive myself because emotionally I hurt my daughter. We are best friends, it took a while for me to forgive myself even after my daughter and God did. The second, I had to forgive my husband. It was pretty easy with God's help. this situation actually brought me back to my religious roots.

When a bad pastor used his authority and power to betray me, my whole world caved in. I lost my desire for anything spiritual for a really long time. I still can't attend church. I've forgiven - I got to that point about 3 or 4 years later. I've learned a lot and I help other women who were exploited by pastors and people in leadership positions.

A cousin for calling me a liar in front of my son then not having the guts to apologize to my face a short time later when he was proved wrong. I saw him a week later, hugged him and asked how he and his family were doing. I think HE never forgave himself. I just figured that it is better to give love in return rather than hate. People on the receiving end never seem to know what hit em when you do that. I usually send them blessings rather than anger and it does just as well if not better.

My stepmother abused me. Physically, mentally and emotionally. It took me 10 years to completely forgive her. But I'm glad that I did. I realised that, if I did not forgive her, I was only hurting myself. I realised also that, she too is human, and Christ forgave her as well as myself. To keep back my forgivness would have been the wrong thing to do.

Debra,

I believe my biggest hurt took place during the lowest point of my life. My husband left me for a younger woman. Hid all of our joint bank accounts. It took me several years to get over this. My salvation was my husband, Bear. Through love and support he renewed my broken spirit and made me whole again. This seems small and petty compared to the other posts to your question.

(((Debra)))

My husband had numerous affairs and they became so common place he didn't bother to try and hide them. (we aren't talking about one or two...we are talking one or two a month) After 13 years I finally left and realized that while he caused me much anguish he is the one that lives with the consequences of his actions. I have forgiven him completely and hopefully someday he will do the same for himself.

I won't go into all the details. But my late husband. He wasn't much of a husband or a father.I have forgiven him for the most part, well I've forgiven for what he did to me, but forgiving him for what he did to our children well,, I well.....