The hook....?

Question

I have been working on a book and just wanted to know if this first paragraph is enough to hook the reader.... thank you....

Chapter 1- The beginning.

I used to be an ordinary, teenage girl. 16 years old with no particular ambitions, no excitement and no adventure. In our household things worked like clock-work. Wake up, go to school, then come back to the dark and lonely place I called home. The best part of the day was always, dusk. Resting my head on my soft pillow, gazing at the blank ceiling. Reminiscing. Thinking about my future and how bleak it looked.
But little did I know, that was all about to change…

nick_4554 · Accepted Answer

the best thing my english teacher ever taught me was 
'suggest, dont state'.
dont tell the reader what you want them to see. let them see it. 
it makes the story more believable and more interesting because you are creating it instead of being told what it is. 
for example instead of saying:
'in our household, things worked like clock work. wake up, go to school, then come back...'
write something like:
'everyday i gritted my teeth as i woke up and slowly wandered the well worn path towards school...   i stomped home after school, glaring at anyone who came accross my path...'
instead of saying that you hate doing the same thing each day, show them that you hate doing the same thing by using words like 'gritted' and 'stomped'

your 'suggesting' something instead of 'stating' something and it makes it much more interesting to read :-)

Hiba · Answer

Overdone. I've seen many wanna-be's writing and books with a similar "Hook".

|-|iba

D · Answer

i think taking out the first sentence would b even better..
after u finish it let me know

Anonymous · Answer

Seems a little emo-ish, but I am sure that it will get better.

Ahab · Answer

Sounds interesting!  Is there more? Don't be shy!

sharnae12 · Answer

i love it keep working on it

in a hicktown&lt;3 · Answer

wow that sounds really good

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The hook....?

7 Answers